A blessing through tragedy...

[susan]

@dotsmom

[quote=deirdre]I am glad you are following doctor’s orders for rest! And thanks so much for updating us on your situation.

[name]Do[/name] the other potential guardian families live close to where [name]Henry[/name] is now? I can see why moving him might be hard, but on the other hand, it sounds like your family situation is closest to what little [name]Henry[/name] might need right now, especially since you seem to really want him. His grandparents probably really want him, too, and it would be hard on them to have him move away. But if they are aged and/or not in the best health, certainly, that would have to be taken into consideration, of course. It sounds like it will be a difficult decision, but your husband’s loving actions will only help, I’m sure. [name]Love[/name] and attention will be good for [name]Henry[/name], even if he ends up going with another family. So tell your husband not to worry about that! It’s wonderful that he could go to [name]Henry[/name] so quickly, and offer his love and support.

I can see why [name]Henry[/name]'s name intrigues you, just as choosing names for your daughters does. Until you meet little [name]Henry[/name], his name is one of the ways you can feel connected to him.

P. S. I wonder why [name]Dot[/name] thought [name]Henry[/name] might be a prince? [name]Prince[/name] [name]Henry[/name] does sound like the image – but I thought for a little girl who loves [name]Cinderella[/name], a prince would be called “[name]Prince[/name] Charming”. Or perhaps she just likes to imagine herself as related to royalty, I loved imagining things like that when I was a little girl …

[name]Deirdre[/name], my daughter LOVES [name]Cinderella[/name]. Last month the three of us watched the movie “[name]Ever[/name] After” (one of my favorites). I was talking to her about the movie and how [name]Danielle[/name] was really “[name]Cinderella[/name]” just like the cartoon one. And how “[name]Prince[/name] [name]Henry[/name]” in [name]Ever[/name] After was really “[name]Prince[/name] Charming” and that Charming was just his nickname, just like “[name]Dottie[/name]”. And then to add some more confusion in there, my husband added that there in a [name]Prince[/name] [name]Henry[/name]/[name]Harry[/name] in [name]England[/name]. I think in her mind all these people already existed, but she got so excited. Its really funny because not only does she look like a mini-me, our personalities are so similar and more often than not, I can connect her points of randomness together to make some sense out of it! She is adorable.

One of the guardian families live in the States, and the other about 600 miles away in [name]Canada[/name] (the one with the older kids). His maternal grandmother lives in a different province. She does want to raise him, but we really feel she won’t be capable. She has been showing signs of stage 1 alzheimers. His paternal grandparents do live the closest and would be an excellent choice as well.

This is a situation that we are fully aware of… We don’t want to remove him from everything that he knows and especially his grandparents who are both grieving for his parents loss and theirs. My husband has also mentioned the possibility of us moving closer to them. Its such a difficult and complex situation that we are still trying to figure out. You know… actually writing all these thoughts out, kind of helps put a grasp on the situation.[/quote]

There is a wonderful book about a situation where a family adopts a very young girl whose parents have died tragically. It is called “Meet the Austins” and it’s by [name]Madeleine[/name] L’Engle. She wrote “A Wrinkle in Time”. I highly recommend the book even though it’s fiction. L’Engle handles the situation in a realistic and sensitive manner. “Meet the Austins” is one of my favorite books.

[dotsmom]

@mirkat

Dotsmom, I’m brand new to this site & just stumbled into this story, which is both heart-rending and heart-warming. I’m poking around Nameberry because we’re expecting our second child in a few weeks, but my firstborn is a 4-year-old boy so this story hits me in the stomach a bit…
From everything you’ve said about the situation and your family, I hope two things: that [name]Henry[/name] ends up with you, and that you have really, really good support for all the logistical and emotional transitions the next months will bring. All four of those little people are going to need a lot of love and attention, in different ways. But I hear a lot of love in your and your husband’s reaction to this child, whereas the other people just sound “willing to take him.”
Thinking about my own son, the other reason I hope [name]Henry[/name] becomes part of your family is because he’ll be close in age to your older daughter. You haven’t mentioned her age in this thread, but I’m guessing from the “Is he a prince?” question that’s she’s somewhere in the 3yo ballpark? I have very little to base this on, but it seems like having a new close-in-age sibling might really help some of the loneliness of this little boy’s losses. Playing and squabbling with her will both be good distractions and opportunities for engagement with the new family! Who knows, it might even help [name]Dot[/name] get through the transition of having new babies around, to have a new big brother to play with and show around.
Prayers for your whole family network in this time of discernment and sadness.

Thank you mirkat. [name]Dot[/name] is our very precocious 2.5 year old. She will be 3 in February. We think that she is adapting quite well to the idea of having two little sisters. She talks to her dolls and stuffed animals as if they are her “babies”. We have two dogs and she was “explaining” to one of the dogs about the babies and that they couldnt bark anymore. I think that my daughter would be able to adjust to having a brother and that we would be able to fully love him as our own, but there are just so many dynamics to this situation that we need to consider.

Are you having a boy or a girl? [name]How[/name] is your son adjusting to the new baby?

[dotsmom]

[name]Susan[/name], my sister has just seconded your recommendation of “Meet the Austins”.

[pam]

Dotsmom, I wanted to add my support and well wishes at this difficult and also exciting time. And it makes me feel wonderful that you feel comfortable enough here to share your story. I am constantly bowled over by the warmth and thoughtfulness of the nameberry community but this is the most moving example yet. We will stay tuned to hear your news going forward.

[dotsmom]

@pam

Dotsmom, I wanted to add my support and well wishes at this difficult and also exciting time. And it makes me feel wonderful that you feel comfortable enough here to share your story. I am constantly bowled over by the warmth and thoughtfulness of the nameberry community but this is the most moving example yet. We will stay tuned to hear your news going forward.

Thank you [name]Pam[/name]. I was actually hesitant as to whether or not I should post about this. I didn’t want to “break rules.” In the last month, I felt like (as silly as it sounds) like I bonded with these women while brainstorming names for my little ones. The advice I received was just like having a friend “tell it like it is” to you. Naming a child is actually an intimate and personal experience - so much to the point that when I really was feeling alone in this situation last night, I turned here. You really do have something special going on here and I really thank you for providing this for us.

[cora]

Oh, [name]Kate[/name], I am so, so sorry to hear about little [name]Henry[/name] losing both of his parents, and I’m sorry for you and your husband’s loss as well.

I worked with grieving children years ago, and thought I’d suggest giving [name]Henry[/name] plenty of crayons/markers and paper to color with. [name]Art[/name] is a wonderful medium for young children to express their feelings without having to say a word.

[name]Even[/name] though you and your husband aren’t sure if you’ll be appointed as [name]Henry[/name]'s guardians, I think it was a great idea for your husband to spend some time with him, just in case you indeed are chosen.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like of the potential guardians, you and your husband may be best equipped to raise [name]Henry[/name]–financially, emotionally, and socially, as your children are close in age to him. That said, if you decide that raising [name]Henry[/name] is too much for you, there’s no shame in that; two new babies, a potential new son, and several new pets is a whole lot of change at once, especially because it’s coming out of the blue.

I think you’re wonderful, and it’s clear that your husband is, too. Whatever happens with the custody, I’m glad that [name]Henry[/name] has you both, whether it’s as his new parents, or simply as doting relatives who keep in touch with him throughout his life.

In addition to the help I’m guessing [name]Henry[/name] will receive, I thought I’d recommend the book “After [name]Charlotte[/name]'s Mom Died,” which is written for young children who have lost a parent.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers…