A questions about surname

General Name Discussion
1

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone, I’ve just joined this site to post a question but I’m sure I’ll stick around considering that I now have a baby to name! I found out at the start of [name_u]December[/name_u] that I’m pregnant.

Basically, my ex boyfriend broke up with me mid [name_u]November[/name_u] and has completely broke off any form of contact with me, and his family aren’t helping me try to contact him at all. Eventually I did speak to him and he says that ‘he might pop in to visit the kid from time to time’ but basically, he doesn’t want any part of it.

Anyway, I’m definitely keeping the baby, as I’m lucky enough to have a supportive family on my side but I’m a little confused over what surname to give the baby. I’m definitely not giving the baby his surname, but I’m unsure about what surnames I could actually give the baby.

My surname is a common, one syllable surname that starts with S. The only relative I know who has this surname is my father.

My mum remarried and now has a two syllable surname that starts with D, and I am really close to my stepdad. (He’s more of a father to me than my real Dad, who I only see about once every 6 months).

Because I’m more close to my stepdad and mother than my father, could I give the baby my own surname and my stepfathers surname? So D_____-S_______ or S______-D______? I would love to honor my stepdad and his family in some way and this feels like a good way to do it… Am I thinking kind of crazy? I have considered using their surname as a middle name too, if I choose to just give the baby my own surname.

What are your opinions on this? Should I just keep it simple and give the baby just my surname? I would love to hear your thoughts.

2

I’d avoid giving my child any surname other than mine or the child’s father’s. In this situation, I would just use my surname.

3

I would use your surname and put your stepdad’s surname in the middle spot.

4

Thank you! I did think that using his surname as the middle would work better but wanted to see what other people thought.

5

I strongly recommend giving the baby only one surname and I would suggest choosing your surname over your ex-boyfriend’s.

6

I also vote that you use your surname and put your step-father’s surname in the middle spot.

7

Another vote for using your surname with your step-fathers surname in the middle :slight_smile:

8

I would definitely give your child your surname. And using your stepfather’s last name in the middle spot would be a great way to honor him too.

9

Like everyone else said, I would recommend using your own surname. If you want to honor your step-dad’s family, I think using his surname as a middle name is a fine idea.

10

Ditto.
As nice as it is to want to honor your stepdad (which is very commendable). I wouldn’t recommend using a surname other than that of either of the parents. It may get awkward having to explain why your last name is different from that of your childs, and that the different last name doesn’t belong to the father of your child.

Also I’m going to jump way ahead of the game and say, should you find a kind man later down the line (one like your stepfather and there are lots of them out there so don’t get too discouraged because of this one) who adopts your child and gives he/she his last name, maybe consider giving a future child your last name as a middle name to make it even.
ex [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] D_____ insert kind mans last name, [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] S_____ insert kind mans last name so that none of the parents in your life feel left out.
I know that is alot of over thinking, but the fact that you want to give your child your stepfathers last name made me think of that possiblity.

11

I’ll choose your surname and something to honour your step dad in the middle (dose not have to be his surname).

12

Yes, maybe as a second middle? So its there but not on every-document-ever.

13

The other thing is that if, officially, you name your wee one [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] D----- S---- or [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] D----- S----, with D----- as a middle or 2nd middle name, you can still refer to the kid as [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] Donner Sox* on occasion if you’d like. Especially when introducing your new baby at family events, you could say “This is [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] Donner Sox. I can already tell she has a heart like Stepdad.”
*making up names here

I don’t think it’d be a disaster to name her [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] Donner-Sox (hyphenated surname) and later change it to [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] Donner Right (middle name, new surname) if your potential future husband adopts her.
You can also change your name to Donner-Sox to match, if you’d like. I do think it’s preferable for her surname to match yours, but if you hyphenate people will probably just assume that D is her dad’s surname.

By the by, for your protection you may want to do the paperwork to get 100% custody and potentially child support. It’s great that he wants to be involved at all, but it can be helpful to have the paperwork very clear that he’s given up his parental rights (because he’s choosing to give up consistent responsibility). Please forgive me for speaking out of turn here, you may well have already done that.

14

Thank you all so much! I’m probably going to stick with just my surname and honor my step father in the middle spot somehow. After thinking about it overnight I agree that it’s for the best to stick with my own.

Thanks everyone for the kind replies.