Sorry it”s so long, I just like detail! I hope I’m not too confusing!
Once upon a time you find yourself at a convention of the Association of Organic Squash Growers. What is your name?
At this meeting, you meet a very handsome and polite squash farmer. What is his name? “Hello,” he says. “Pleased to be making your acquaintance.” You swoon at his politeness. Unfortunately, you realize that he was talking to an organic squash, not you. Dejected, you amble off in search of a cannoli.
Two months later, you see the squash farmer at your grandfather’s one-hundredth birthday. As there are no organic squash in sight, he talks to you. He is still very handsome and polite. During your pleasant conversation, you realize that the farmer is your estranged first cousin. No offspring will be produced between you, and as the naming of said offspring is the point of the story, the farmer courteously exits our tale.
Next year, you go back to the convention of the Association of Organic Squash Growers, just for old times” sake. You purchase a fine-looking butternut squash and hop into your snazzy convertible. Suddenly, the squash (who is riding shotgun) begins to talk! ”Hello,” it says. ”I am a prince who was turned into an organic butternut squash by my evil grandmother when I gave her a squash for her birthday. She didn’t like squash, and took revenge by doing this. If you kiss me, I will turn back into a prince.” You shrug your shoulders. After all, what have you got to lose? You kiss the squash, and he turns into a handsome prince. ”Thank you,” he says. What is the prince”s name?
After dating for a year and a half, he proposes to you at the Association of Organic Squash Growers convention, and you are soon married. After the wedding, you move with him to his castle. What does it look like, exactly?
One year later, you give birth to a baby girl. There is just one little problem”she looks a bit like a butternut squash, with a long neck and round lower half. Her hair is tan-ish. Oh well, you think, it could”ve of been worse. She is very healthy and sweet! You decide to give all your children elaborate, beautiful names (after all, you are royalty!) with two middle names. Also, you incorporate family names. What is your lovely daughter”s name?
When your daughter is three, you have triplets! There are two boys and one girl. The triplets all look like squash, too, but you are accustomed to it now. Besides, your daughter has begun to stretch out and her hair has darkened, so she doesn”t really look like a squash anymore. You have been waiting for more children for a long time, and you want the meaning of their first names to reflect your joy and great love for them, now that they have arrived. What are the triplets” names?
When the triplets are two and your first daughter is five, you get pregnant again, this time with quadruplets. They also look like squash. There are three girls and one boy. You want the first girl”s name to begin with A, the second with O, the third with S, and the boys name must begin with G. This is to honor the AOSG, or Association of Organic Squash Growers, through which you and your husband met. What are the quadruplets” names?
When the quadruplets are five, the triplets are seven, and your first daughter is ten, you have sextuplets. You want their first names to be after famous queens or kings. First middle names should be Ancient [name]Roman[/name] names. Second middle names should be names in the Top 200 of your country”s/state”s name rankings. [name]How[/name] many boys and girls are there? What are the sextuplets” full names?
The next year, you become pregnant with one boy. He looks like a pineapple, with green hair and sort of prickly skin. You want one of his names to honor your favorite uncle, one to honor a hobby of yours (i.e. [name]Baker[/name] for cooking, [name]Reed[/name] for playing the clarinet), and the remaining spot can be filled with any name you want. What is your son”s name?
Now you have fifteen children, and you know that is enough. You decide to put all of your children in third-floor bedrooms in the castle, while you sleep on the second floor. However, there are only eight third-floor bedrooms, so the kids will have to share. What are the room arrangements?
As a holiday present, you get a dog or a cat for each bedroom. [name]How[/name] many dogs and how many cats are there? What are their names, and which one goes in which room?
As your children grow older, they stop looking like squashes/pineapple and you are pleased, as you’re allergic to pineapple and you’ve never really liked squash anyhow.
THE END
