Removed this thread to keep family members privacy
Hmm… maybe give him a double barrel last name? Like Nameone-Nametwo. That way he is part of your family, but still has his original name.
I would change his surname to be the same as yours. I know two families that adopted foster kids (who were considerably older than the child you’re talking about) and in both of those cases, the surnames were changed to match that of the adopted families. I think that if you didn’t change your potential son’s last name, then he would never truly feel like part of the family. Also, since you didn’t mention it, I assume you plan on keeping his first and middle name the same, so that should be enough of a connection to his birth mother.
I would make it a 2nd middle name. His name being for example Birth’FN Birth’MN [name]Smith[/name], and your family being [name]Jones[/name], change it to Birth’FN, Birth’MN [name]Smith[/name] [name]Jones[/name]. I wouldn’t mash or hyphenate it. That way it doesn’t sever or erase his connection to his dead bio-mother but he is manifestly part of your family.
[name]Just[/name] my opinion. I have my mom’s maiden name as my middle name.
I would absolutely change his surname. To me that is an essential part of bringing a child into a family via adoption. If you feel strongly about it I would keep his current surname as a second middle name.
Thank you all! [name]Truly[/name] appreciate your feedback.
Of course this has been discussed this with family and close friends but sometimes it’s helpful to get an outsiders opinion.
I second this opinion - keep the bio-mum’s last name but move it to the middle name spot and give him your last name.
[name]Hi[/name]! I have 4 adopted siblings (I am the only biological one). My twin brothers were adopted at the age of 3 months, and my parents changed their names completely. They were given up by teen parents at birth, so I’m not even sure if the names they until they were adopted were given by the biological parents. My sister was 6 when she was adopted into our family. She had a fn/mn/ln. My parents wanted her to feel like she was a part of our family, so the kept her fn, gave her a mn after my mom, kept her last name another mn, and was given our family name as her last.
I think the suggestion of adding your last name onto his, while keeping his last name as a second middle name is ideal. He will still always have that part of him, and grow up to know that you respected that enough to keep that name for him.
I agree with this. The child definitely needs to have his parent’s surname. I hated that my mother’s last name was different from mine growing up (my father died, mom remarried, stepdad never adopted us).
I think it would be confusing to have a child with a different last name. Also, he will think of YOU as his parents. Maybe just put his bio-mom’s last name in for his middle name?
We adopted my brother when he was nine (he had been my foster brother since he was two), and my parents changed his middle name and his last name to our last name. He’s in his twenties now and I think kind of resents that my parents dropped his original middle and last name altogether. I would somehow incorporate his original name even if you give him your last name. Although, tons of kids have different names than their parents- if people are confused by that or find it mindboggling they need to get with the times!
Change it to your last name, if you want take his former ln as his middle name. He is your son in your heart and soul and will be legally soon too, so yes, your family’s last name.
I would give him his last name as a second middle name, but use the fn and first mn as his name. My friend, [name]Carly[/name], was adopted by her aunt’s family when her mother died when she was thirteen, she changed her name from [name]Carly[/name] [name]Rae[/name] [name]Martin[/name] to [name]Carly[/name] [name]Rae[/name] [name]Martin[/name] [name]Hayes[/name], and went by [name]Carly[/name] [name]Hayes[/name]. I think you should change the surname.
much love
[name]Ivy[/name]
I would keep his mum’s surname but as a second middle name like already suggested 
It gives him a connection to where he came from but having your surname gives him a family to identify with now. It could be painful for him to have to explain to children that you aren’t his ‘real’ parents or it’s not his ‘real’ brother as he goes through school. To him you will be his parents and your son his brother even if other people outside the family don’t understand that, having the same surname will eliminate some of that confusion.
I think it would be fine to change his last name to yours, as you will be one family. You could always honor his birth family in the middle. Good luck with everything.
I would definitely change his last name to yours (that is the secondary reason my step-dad adopted me, the first obviously being he was more of a father to me than my bio-dad ever was) but I would also use his mother’s last name as a middle or second middle.
I agree with making his birth mother’s last name his middle name, and giving him your surname. Makes the most sense.
I agree with some previous posters that the appropriate thing to do is to give him your last name, so he feels accepted into the family, but you could keep his mother’s surname as a 2nd middle so he doesn’t lose that connection to her. It feels like the best of both worlds, imo.
Well as everyone has said, change his last name. It’s personally up to you if you want to keep the mom’s surname and stick it in the middle spot.