Hey there berries! I was just curious if anyone here has experience with adoption. Although I know it carries greatly, I was wondering on average, how expensive it is, how long it takes, if anyone that has adopted did it for reasons other than infertility, and what countries are easier to adopt from.
My husband and I plan on ttc in the next couple of years, but this subject has alway sparked my curiosity 
I’ve never adopted, but I do know a little bit about it - I wrote a paper on transracial adoptions in college, and have a few friends that have done it.
There is a HUGE variance in cost and how long it takes. Domestically, minority babies (black or hispanic) are more readily available, yet some adoption agencies or agents are still hesitant to place babies in transracial homes. It’s horrific to say, but the “less desirable” the infant is, the faster you can adopt them and the less it costs - babies with medical problems, learning disabilities, etc. or from biological parents with a negative history (mental illness, drug use, etc.) are “easier” to get through adoption than healthy white babies. Older children can also be adopted faster and for less of a cost. Then there are options like opened/closed/partially open adoptions, and decisions like going through the government or a private agency, or choosing to foster-to-adopt.
The only foreign country I’m very familiar with is Haiti. I know it can be fairly quick (or comparable to other countries) to adopt from Haiti, but they also have fairly strict guidelines…most [name]Haitian[/name] orphanages will not adopt to a non-[name]Christian[/name] couple, as although as Americans we think a stable home is better than being brought up in an impoverished orphanage, many Haitians believe sending their orphans to live with a non-[name]Christian[/name] couple is condemning them to hell, so they’re prefer to keep the children there. After the earthquake, these restrictions lessened, but I’m not sure if they’ve returned.
I do hope to adopt in the future - regardless of infertility issues. I was told at age 21 I would have difficulty carrying a healthy pregnancy (1-2% chance), but alas, here I am 37+ weeks pregnant…but adoption had seemed an option to me before I was diagnosed anyway. I would strongly consider adopting whether I could get pregnant easily again or not, but if I was unable to without treatments, I would choose adoption before any medical intervention.
I think your questions are far to broad and general for the scope of one thread and for the scope of nameberry unless people are able to share their specific personal experieces. I would start reading through forum.adoption.com as a place to start. There are no EASY or FAST countries as far as I can tell. Wait times are up to 5 years in [name]China[/name]. Ethiopia was the baby hotspot of the last half decade, but that’s over too. Human trafficking is a major concern in just about every country. Some countries’ adoption requirements are changing so fast that your timeline for taking home your child can jump from 7 months to 18 or even up to 36 instantly (I’m thinking of Uganda).
My husband and I are considering adoption right now, and I still don’t know if it’s the right choice for us. We went to an info sessions recenly and the cost of local, domestic, private adoption is on a sliding scale of 9-25k based on 13% of your gross household income as an average of the last 3 years (OUCH!). It’s significantly cheaper to adopt through foster care, but the goal is to facility reunification with birth parents so unless you are fully open to older children or those with severe limitations (think fetal alcohol syndrome), your pool of babies is pretty small.
If we adopted internationally we’d prefer a francophone country or a country in [name]Africa[/name]. Haiti is really disireable until you look at their restrictions for married, heterosexual couples: [name]One[/name] applicant is 35 years-old and neither applicant more than 50 years-old, must be married at least 10 years, have no biological children. A few of these you can get exceptions to but by and large this is so restrictive it’s outrageous (I’ll be 36 by the time we are married for 10 years!!). We’re also Jewish which I’m starting to think will be a hindrance no matter how you pursue adoption.
My parents adopted both me and my brother. I was a domestic adoption from the same state my parents lived in, Hawaii. My brother was an international adoption from Thailand. The international adoption took much longer. They applied for him first, but he didn’t come home until after I was born. I believe that process took about 3 years. My birth mother chose my parents while she was pregnant with me so the process for my adoption was only about 4 months. THis doesn’t happen much anymore though. I don’t know if Thailand is still open to adoption. International adoption rules change all the time. My advice to you would to meet with an adoption agency to see what all your options are. And depending on your age, I would do that sooner rather than later. Many countries have strict restrictions on age of parents. There are sometimes restrictions on heterosexual vs homosexual couples or even weight/BMI of the parents depending on the country (I think I read that [name]China[/name] doesn’t allow people with a BMI >40 to adopt). If you don’t mind an older child/teenage, foster care might be a good option for you.
The chart [u]here[/u] may help you out. It lists the costs, approximate waiting times, and basic requirements of each country. I don’t know how current it is. [u]This chart[/u] appears to be more up-to-date, since it lists [name]Russia[/name]'s program as closed, which just happened a few months ago, but it does not list costs or waiting times so it may be of no help.
[name]Bear[/name] in mind that this agency is apparently just open to Christians. Because obviously those are the only people who make good parents. -eyeroll-
Thanks for all of the information. My husband and I really aren’t thinking about adopting unless we have issues with TTC (which I don’t foresee being the case). It has just always really struck me as a great concept and I was wondering if there were any berries who had personal experiences to share 
My husband and I very seriously considered it. We are from [name]New[/name] Zealand and the rules regulating international adoption are much stricter here than in the States (so it is more difficult, expensive and takes longer). Local/Intracountry adoption is not really an option here as hardly any babies are placed for adoption.
We did not consider adoption because of infertility but because a) my husband was adopted and has always liked the idea of adopting a child and b) partly due to considerations about adding to the population.
Unfortunately for us the whole process was too frustrating and exhausting. We needed to stay in one place for several years, which doesn’t work with my husband’s career. It would have cost us in the realm of $80k and taken about 3-4 years, excluding countries like [name]China[/name] with excessive waitlists. The criteria which you need to adopt as a NZer from different countries is very prohibitive: ie only sibling groups over age 5, or only people from certain religions etc. So essentially (I wanted a baby or toddler) it was [name]Russia[/name] or nothing.
And now we have moved overseas as expatriates, we can no longer adopt anyway… So, we will be TTC instead.
Sorry to sound negative, that was just our personal experience. If you are from the US the process looks far more streamlined (not easy or quick, but at least you have options!) in comparison.
Oh, [name]Augusta[/name] [name]Lee[/name]…nobody said anything hostile toward any type of parents. 
Since [name]Christian[/name] churches are funding the adoptions through Antioch, I find it neither surprising nor inappropriate that the program only funds adoptions for families that share their convictions. Perhaps there are similar programs that target other communities and promote different convictions. I’m not well-versed on domestic adoptions and related resources, but a simple Google search may turn up some other options for people who don’t share the views of Antioch Adoptions. I know that the [name]Christian[/name] community also offers forms of financial assistance for international adoptions by [name]Christian[/name] families (such as [u]Show [name]Hope[/name][/u]), and I wouldn’t be surprised to find secular organizations offering similar programs.
I know a family who adopted three girls from [name]China[/name] after having three biologically. However, the last child they adopted was adopted ten years ago.
DH and I would like to adopt in the next ten years although he wants to adopt through foster care and I want to adopt internationally. With what research I’ve done foster to adopt is much much cheaper but with DH being military I don’t know how the process would go for any kind of adoption.
If it helps I know his aunt adopted a little girl from [name]China[/name] about 8 (?) years ago and she’s a great kid.
Apologies for the long comment, but it is a broad question.
First of all, I wanted to say that adoption through the state is completely free. There are even subsidies available for parents doing foster to adopt. Children adopted through the state get Medicaid until age 18. Many states also offer daycare vouchers and WIC for foster parents. Depending on the circumstances of the child, adoptive parents may be able to continue receiving subsidies after the adoption. We have several friends who went this route. It is an amazing thing to do, though you do have to be supportive of the goal of reunification. Around 25% of foster placements become available for adoption. You can work with your agency to request children who are legally free already or who the agency believes are likely to become so.
My husband and I adopted our son domestically, through an agency. The homestudy process took about six months of paperwork and interviews. We then waited for about three months to be placed with our son. We did adopt transracially (we are white, our son is black.) We did not do this to make the process quicker, but b.c this is what the agency said was needed- parents willing to adopt children of other races. We were more than willing! We live in a minority-majority city and we are not the first in our families, among our friends, or in our communities to adopt transracially. Someone above mentioned that it was cheaper to do it this way, it was not. Our adoption cost the same amount as the adoption of a healthy white baby. We know some people who adopted a newborn w. Downs Syndrome. Their adoption also cost the same amount as the adoption of a healthy baby. When you pay for an adoption, you are not paying for a baby. You are paying for many hours of work on the part of social workers and lawyers, and possibly medical and living expenses for birth parents. There are grants and things that can help defray this cost, and many of them are specific to the circumstances of the child.
Most matches are pre-birth. Occasionally, a mother will decide to place her child for adoption after the baby is born, sometimes months or years after, sometimes in the hospital. Sometimes a mother will do this b.c the alternative is that the state will put the baby in foster care. For instance, if a baby is born with drugs in his system, the state would step in and take that child. Some mothers choose private adoption so that they can give the baby more stability than he would have in foster care. A private adoption may allow a mother to choose her child’s family as well, which she can’t do if the child is in foster care. Of course, if the child goes into foster care, the mother may be able to get him back. If she places him for adoption, that is final.
The way that it works is that expectant parents who are considering placing their children for adoption look through profiles of prospective adoptive parents. They choose profiles they are interested in, then they can choose to interview those people to decide. We met with our son’s birth mother. About two weeks later, our son was born. Our agency does not match families until the expectant mother is in the third trimester. The reason is that the goal is actually for the expectant mother to make a parenting plan and raise her own child. The agency works with her and offers her various resources and counseling to make that happen. If by the third trimester she still wants to choose adoption, she then begins to meet with prospective adoptive parents. Out of every 100 women who seek help at the agency, around 25 choose adoption.
We brought him home from the hospital. After seven days, her consent to place her son for adoption was final. This was in [name]November[/name] 2011. The adoption was officially final by court order in early [name]January[/name] 2013. We are still waiting on his birth certificate. We have an open adoption with his birth mother, which is what we wanted. My husband’s grandmother was adopted back in the 1930s and she did was not able to have a relationship with her birth mother until she was in her 50s.
If you are trying to weed through your options, a good idea right now is to just go to a large agency website that covers all types of adoptions and start reading. [name]Bethany[/name] [name]Christian[/name] Services is one such. Yes, they are [name]Christian[/name]. I am not telling you to adopt through them. That isn’t the point. The point is that they do everything from domestic to international to foster to embryo. You’re just gathering information. There is a lot of information there.
Internationally, there are no fast or easy countries. There may be fast referrals, but it is still a long slog of paperwork. You have to do all of the agency paperwork, then all of the specific countries paperwork, then paperwork for US immigration. We have friends currently adopting from [name]China[/name]. It is a five year wait for healthy babies, but our friends are adopting a three year old boy with special needs. They chose a waiting child, so they already have their referral, and have had for several months. So they have this kid’s picture, they know his name, etc. But they aren’t expecting to be able to get him home till [name]November[/name], b.c of all of the paperwork.
If you want to adopt internationally, the quickest way to do that is to specify that you are open to adopting an older boy or a baby w. special needs. Apparently, everyone wants girls, not boys. And most children available for adoption internationally are either babies w. special needs (moderate to severe, things like Downs Syndrome, cerebral palsy, heart defects, etc. NOT mild things, like birthmarks) or boys- older toddler to adolescent. If you have excellent health insurance, you might want to look into adopting a child w. HIV. This is a lot of medical maintenance, but these children can live completely normal and full lives if they get their medications regularly.
Ethiopia did used to be quicker, but then of course they discovered a multitude of horrible abuses of the system. The reason that it is so slow now is b.c they are trying to ensure that every child adopted internationally actually has been orphaned or has consenting birth parents. As you might imagine, this is difficult to do in a country lacking a first world infrastructure. As someone mentioned above, there have been abuses and exploitation and trafficking in every sending country. Tread carefully. I really do support international adoption, I really believe that every child who needs a loving family should get one. But it is very difficult.
^Yeah, that. Frustrating and a bit closed-minded, [name]IMO[/name]. I’ve never seen a secular adoption agency ban religious families, only the other way around.
@tarynkay - I should have clarified - I didn’t mean to imply that it innately cost less to adopt a minority or disabled baby (or older child). However, it does cost far less to adopt through the government/state than from a private agency, and there is far less availability of healthy white babies through the state than through a private agency, or, as you stated, internationally.
It’s certainly not as though any adoption agency is stating “it costs X amount of dollars to adopt a black baby and X+ amount of dollars to adopt a white baby” or “you don’t need to pay as much because this child has medical problems”. But generally, the agencies where you need to pay more (and often wait more) have more available majority/healthy infants than the state systems or lower-cost international ones where older children or babies who may have medical, behavioral, etc. issues are the most available.
I haven’t yet, but plan to adopt. Your question is very broad though and price, waiting times, etc… all vary based on domestic, international, and which agency you choose to go through.
A good site for information is the government site for adoption: Adoption Service Provider Search
This site also has great information: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/
[name]One[/name] huge myth however is that an adoption costs more than giving birth, it actually pretty much evens out, but again it depends on where you are adopting from. You can also, depending on your insurance, get money back from an adoption just like you would for medical bills. I’m also pretty sure the government gives you a tax break for adopting. See: http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/Adoption-Benefits-FAQs
I plan on adopting from [name]China[/name]. I also wrote a paper on adopting from [name]China[/name] for my Senior Thesis. If you’re interested in it, I could send it to you, it mostly focuses on the importance of keep Chinese culture part of the child’s life, but it also provides reasons as to why people adopt from [name]China[/name] and how the process works.
Adopting overseas tends to be more expensive because you have to pay for plane tickets and hotel rooms. The great upside though is that you normally will have a closed adoption, which many families prefer.
Adopting domestically has it’s problems in the fact it’s rare to find a close adoption and the mother gets a grace period after giving birth to change her mind. So say you waited 2 years, finally you get a baby, you want another 9 months, and turns out the mother wants to keep it, then you’re back to square one. It’s a lot of waiting and not knowing, while if you choose to adopt from [name]China[/name], you wait 2 years, you get a baby and you go and pick him or her up. Downside is age requirements. When adopting overseas, you usually have to be married and at least 30.
On the other hand if you’re open to older or special needs children, the requirements are usually not as strict and you don’t have to wait as long.
@leadmythoughts Thanks for the clarification!
@catloverd- [name]Do[/name] you mean that you would wait the nine months of a pregnancy and then the prospective birth mother would change her mind? Or do you mean that she would change her mind nine months after the child is placed with you? If the first, most agencies do not match families until the expectant mother is in the third trimester. Some will match earlier than this, but I don’t know of any that match as early as the first trimester. So it’s possible that an adoptive family might get a match and wait up to three months, and then have it fall through after the baby is born. But not nine months.
If you meant the later, revocation periods do vary from state to state, but the range is 24 hours to 30 days. In our state, our son’s birthmom’s consent to place him for adoption was final after seven days.
It is true that most domestic adoptions are now open. This is actually a major reason that we wanted to adopt domestically, b.c we wanted an open adoption. More and more international adoptions are becoming open. And many adult adoptees who were placed internationally have been able to go back and find their birth families as adults. I am not opposed to international adoption at all, but I do think that being comfortable with the fact that your child has another family is essential in adoption.
In [name]China[/name], the wait is currently five years for families pursuing healthy babies. The wait is much shorter for families open to special needs.
There is a tax credit available for all adoptions- domestic, international, or foster. This reduces your tax exposure. There was briefly a tax refund, in which you would get a large cash payout from the government for adopting, much like the house purchasing refund back in 2009. They have eliminated that now, though.
The 9 months was just to point out that even if you do get matched with a child, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get it, while if you adopt from [name]China[/name], you will. (9 months is on the extreme side, but possible)
As for the 5 year wait period for a healthy baby, I think that’s on the high end, all of my sources say an average of 2 years, there are always exceptions though, but I’m pretty sure 5 years is on the extreme side.
As for the adoptees finding their birth parents, it’s possible, but very hard still in [name]China[/name] because of the 1 Child Policy and their rule that they can’t abandon their children. Not sure if that has changed now since the last time I looked up that information was in 2012.
Now I’m not against open adoptions or my future child eventually wanting to find her or his birth parents, but I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with having the birth parents around while I’m raising MY child. I guess it all depends on the openness of the adoption. I’m for sending photos and updates and those kind of things, but as I mentioned, for [name]China[/name] that is extremely difficult since most of the children are just found on the street. No one knows who their parents are. BUT if they want to pursue that in the future, then that’s their choice.
However, I find that to be on the rare side since I have 2 cousins who are adopted (now in their 30’s). They never once went in search for their birth parents. My husband’s mother was adopted and she never cared to find her birth parents either. My aunt, who was adopted, never went in search of hers, but her mother found her. They now get along. Another aunt, before she met my uncle, had two children. [name]One[/name] girl and one boy, she wasn’t able to take care of both and decided to put her baby boy up for adoption. 20 years later, her daughter found her brother and they now all get along. So I seem to encounter the vice versa, the birth parents trying to find the children they put up for adoption, usually after the child has grown up.
It’s not “close minded.” The reason these places exist is because the birth parents, who feel they can’t provide for their child, want their child to be taken in by someone who shares the same faith as them.
It’s not just in [name]America[/name]. There is an adoption program in Taiwan where Christians who can’t take care of their children can put their children up for adoption knowing that another [name]Christian[/name] family will be taking care of their child.
Think about it. If you plan to adopt you can pick gender, race, etc. Well this is just vice versa, the parents want a [name]Christian[/name] family to raise their child.
Very interesting! As I mentioned, we really aren’t considering adoption, I just have always thought it was a nice idea. Our lives really aren’t condicive to adoption. But for those who can do it, I think it is fantastic!
@catloverd My sister is on the waitlist for adoption from [name]China[/name], and they indicated they’re willing to adopt a child up to age 6 and with mild-moderate special needs. The current waitlist for a healthy infant <1 is over 6 years and growing fast-- children are being brought home now to familites whose dossiers were sent to China in fall of 2006. The waitlist for a special needs/older child is notoriously variable. They haven’t heard a peep.
I have been gently trying to nudge her to re-consider domestic infant adoption. She is afraid of the open nature, that the birth mother/parents would be more like co-parents than simply known entities who get a card every now and again. @tarynkay, what has your relationship with your son’s birth mother been like? I have two friends with domestic infant adoptions (same story as yours; they were selected pre-birth by the mother and were present at the delivery & took the child home from the hospital). My general feeling is that women who are giving up infants before birth generally are not in much of a position to play a significant role in their child’s life, nor do they expect to; they are just happy with general updates and knowing their child is out there, thriving. My friends’ experiences seem to confirm this.
Also, there are many religion-specific adoption agencies; they certainly aren’t restricted to Christians. They usually cater to the birth mother’s preferences-- it is her right to specify what kind of home she’d like her baby to be raised in. I find this completely unobjectionable, personally. There are plenty of secular birthmothers who would be queasy at the thought of their child being raised as a dyed-in-the-wool adherent of a particular faith, too.