So I’ve been putting it off to update this thread but I’ve had another loss.
Had some time off but I really wanted to name the baby so did that and I’ve been in an ok mental space except for the actual acknowledging I lost again and trying to numb it all out to the point I’ve been ignoring (lack of a better word) this section of NB) but I’ve now had a few therapy appointments and my OH is an amazing man with his support of listening and giving loving advice etc. I don’t know when I will want to TTC again tbh but I am XXXI so I feel time is a tickin’ or so they say…
If my previous losses are anything to go by it takes me 12-24 months to heal mentally and be interested in that much physical deed
So IDK I’d love advice, someone telling me children (1-4) after XXXIII will be ok
yes I have used roman numerals for my age
[name_f]My[/name_f] Loss Diary
2013 - Chemical (no name as it was honestly too early for me to connect)
2018 - Loss by DV trauma ( “Gummybear” [name_u]Arlo[/name_u] Morgane) Not with this partner anymore
2021 - Loss by termination due to bordering non-viable (Tadpole" [name_m]Nadir[/name_m] [name_m]Ambrose[/name_m] [name_u]Malak[/name_u] / [name_f]Nadira[/name_f] [name_m]Ambrose[/name_m] Malak)
2022 - Loss (“Cashew” [name_u]Halcyon[/name_u] [name_m]Dion[/name_m] Miv)
- Home test AT 5.30AM
- Dr appointment (scheduled for something else) at 2pm
- Blood works done
- Blood work results - HCG 243 mIU/mL
- Ultrasound - heartbreaking…
- Call from Dr about ultrasound - No gestational sac…
- More blood work
- Blood work results - HCG 2540 mIU/mL
- Regular GP is on holiday
- Spotting all day, off to Hospital 4pm-10pm.
- Tests - wee, blood and ultrasound.
- Ultrasound - FOUND gestational sac but may be high (?)
- Blood work results - HCG 4760 mIU/mL
- Ultrasound - Sonographer dates to 8 weeks
- Blood work results - HCG 15000s mIU/mL
- Bleeding, off to Hospital 5am-10am
- Hospital calls me in at 4pm to tell me HCG levels have fallen by half already.
28/07/2022 [name_u]Angel[/name_u] passed.
I wanted to message and say I’m sorry about your losses and I’m also sorry to hear about your whole journey. You sound like an incredibly strong person and I hope that things take a positive turn for you.
I can’t really offer advise this post isn’t really relevant to myself but I didn’t want to just read and leave without saying anything. I am in my late twenties and now have my rainbow baby (she’s 20 months old) so I’m incredibly blessed
I have experienced pregnancy loss. I lost my [name_u]Angel[/name_u] baby [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] [name_f]Ann[/name_f] when I was 17 due to DV trauma similar to you and lost another baby around a year before I was blessed with my rainbow baby. Pregnancy loss is devastating loosing a baby is devastating and I’m so sorry you’ve been through this so many times. I really hope your heart heals and things do make a positive turn for you.
Wishing you all the best
thank you for your reply and not just leaving it read, I honestly don’t know why but I feel I can be open and honest on Nameberry especially in the Parentberries section as there is normally support and good conversation when the topic of loss comes up so I was wondering to myself if I shouldn’t have posted… If maybe I shouldn’t have shared my story…
[name_f]My[/name_f] partner seems super supportive so I do feel from just that my life is taking a positive turn.
I am sorry for your loss at the tender age of 17. I am glad your little rainbow has arrived.
Honestly I’m glad I responded to your post and I hope it’s provided some comfort
I definitely think you should post on nameberry if it helps your healing process anything that helps you find solace is worthwhile. I find this community so kind and accepting berries are always willing to help it’s just refreshing so I completely get why you feel comfortable sharing your story. No definitely always share your story even if only one person responds in my experience it’s helpful to seek comfort with that person then keep things bottled up. Your always welcome to private message me as well if you ever need a listening ear
What I would also do is look for threads surrounding pregnancy loss as normally berries keep things on one post and other berries add to that post then a real discussion is created you may find that helpful. I’m a technophobe so not sure how to share a link but just have a look for a pregnancy loss thread.
I’m happy that your partner is from the sounds of it so lovely and there to support you. I’m really happy he’s part of creating a more positive journey for yourself
Honestly in relation to my own journey I just think all things happen for a reason. I think maybe [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] was meant to be an [name_u]Angel[/name_u] baby and maybe she sent some fairy dust my way to bless me with my rainbow baby
I am so sorry for your loss!
If it helps at all, I gave birth to my daughter just a couple weeks before my 30th and I am 31 now and still hoping to have another child if we can work out the financial side of things. After 30 is not too old for babies at all! [name_f]My[/name_f] mom was 40 (almost 41) when she had my little brother.
I am so sorry for your losses….
In my experience you still have plenty of time on your hands….
I was married at 29 so
my first was born at 30
2nd at 31
3rd at 34
[name_f]My[/name_f] 4th miscarried at 35
And my 5th will hopefully arrive at 37
Thank you @LaurenAlexis & @Alix2016 for your replies and words of reassurance.
Having mids after XXXIII is 100% OK.
Some of the best parents are in their LATE thirties, coming round into their 40s.
I also married “late” at 31, pregnant a year later: first baby at 33, second at 34, lost baby#3 at 40w (age 36), baby #4 was at age 38, baby #5 now and I’m currently 39.
It’s been a ride, and doctors are horrible about talking at you about all the “risks, cause you’re elderly” but you just brush them off and do your research. Don’t let them section you without knowing the risks/advantages! soap box
Anyway… I’m so glad it happened this way. I was a young fool and now I’m older and just a bit more clever
I’m sorry for your losses. Your mental health is so important, to me I would say much more important than your age. So make sure you take the time needed to care for yourself.
I had my first at 30 and my second at 32. And we are hoping to have one or two more. But we’re also planning on taking our time for the next one as we have some other big life changes coming up here soon. So I would say babys after 30 (or 35, 38, 40 whatever) is definitely a doable thing and is even becoming more and more common.
And if you look at the ‘increased’ risk that they talk about its something like at a younger age your risk factor is 0.8% and when you pass 35 it increases to 2%. (Not the real statistics just an idea) So if you reverse that it means your chance of baby being absolutely fine is 99.2% below 35 and 98% after… pretty good odds if you ask me.
Another thing to think about when these statistics are posted is they are for the entire population as a whole. And not for you individually. (if that makes sense).
I LOVE that you reversed those stats. You’re using your brain. Thank you for that. I can’t tell you how many times doctors have tried fear tactics to get me to comply… and how many times they’ve succeeded. I’ve had 4 c-sections and am considering a trip out of [name_u]America[/name_u], where doctors no longer know how to deliver babies for this next delivery.
I would love to take credit but we have a pretty good family dr. and after I had some serious anxiety with my pregnancies they are the one who pointed out that most babies are fine, even when you’re older, even when the baby has a detectable difference or defect, even when mom has health problems etc. And went through the statistics with me. A good doctor is worth every penny!
Thank you for your replies and openness about your experiences. They do relieve anxiety and other emotions that stem from the worries.
I had my two sons at 34 and 44, with a few losses in between, Both sons are perfectly healthy. [name_f]My[/name_f] daughters were born much earlier. [name_m]Just[/name_m] be as healthy as you can, use common sense rules, and all should be well.