Advice Needed Please

Parentberries
1

Hello Ladies,

If this isn’t allowed here than I apologise and I will delete it, I do need to get things off of my chest and any advice is appreciated because things are starting to affect me mentally and although my partner is good, he just doesn’t fully understand.

My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant with no luck since [name_u]July[/name_u], we’re both in Australia and recently turned 24yrs old, I do have PCOS so I know getting pregnant will be harder if at all possible, however, the string of no-luck has been really starting to weigh on me - there have been a couple times during the time that I thought maybe because of some symptoms and lateness only to be disappointed the following week or fortnight but last months really got to me.

I hadn’t had one for 3 months (we agreed to stop testing until 4 months of nothing) however, when I got it, it felt a lot different to how I usually have that time of the month, it was really dark, super-clotty and started really really light and within an hour went super heavy (I had to use a whole pack of 10 overnight pads before 6pm) then the next morning was as if it was never there except a constant sharpish cramping pain and I do have a feeling of, it may have been more than just that time of the month and it’s really starting to do my head in - my partner just says, don’t think about it but, he doesn’t and can’t really understand.

we have been continuing to try this month, 4-5 times a week so, hopefully good news soon but, I just need some advice on how to deal with the constant, disheartening and devastating failures?

my whole life, all I have wanted is a family and I was single with my diagnosis (few years back now) than I met my partner whom, when I met him, he said that he didn’t want kids at all which was fine with me since I may have never been able to get pregnant anyway but earlier this year he told me that he actually wants to try so I’m also feeling like I’m failing him and myself because my body isn’t/can’t do what we’re designed to do.

please can I have some advice/tips because my own mind is starting to get too far into itself

I’ll be going on fertility booster vitamins next year if nothing by Feb 2021

thank you for your time.

1 Like
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I’m sorry things are so hard for you. It’s so hard to want something so bad and not have control over it. But you just don’t have control and it’s ok. You’ve got to get it out of your head that you’re failing at anything. We aren’t designed to have babies we have a greater purpose than that. Please take care of yourself and relax and find as many good things in your life as you can. Please do not beat yourself up for something you can’t control. Have faith that good things are in the future. :heart: [name_m]Lean[/name_m] in to the communities and activities that make you mentally and spiritually strong. I hope you start to feel more at peace soon.

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First - The next time you bleed that heavily, go get yourself checked out. Filling a super pad in less than an hour is a cause for concern, and clots over the size of 1.5 inches I believe. (They tell us a Twoonie sized clot in Canada haha)

July is not that long ago but I understand it feels like a lifetime. It can take a normal healthy couple a full year to conceive. Where there is no issues and no problems, it can still take a full 12+ months. You are young and very much have time on your side still.
I assume you are working with a doctor and haven’t self-diagnosed your PCOS. If you haven’t seen a doctor about the PCOS symptoms, please absolutely do, there is help out there. PCOS is not a death sentence to fertility and I know several women that have happy healthy babies (even into their 30’s) with PCOS. There is nothing saying you can’t go to your doctor for a preconception health check up and work up. A health assessment can go a long way in figuring out what you need to do to conceive a healthy pregnancy.

As you are trying, take care of yourself, clean up your eating, exercise more, a healthy body composition does help conception. (My fertility specialist said I lowered my odds of another miscarriage by 30% when I dropped 85lbs, and a close friend struggled for 4 years to conceive, and then had an “oops” baby after losing weight too, she also has PCOS). Try to not focus on how long it’s taking, sometimes people conceive in the first month. Sometimes it takes much longer. (We started TTC in 2017, still no baby here.) Set yourself some non-baby related goals and give yourself something else to think about and focus on, stressing over it won’t help you conceive.

Having sex 4/5 times a week, depending on your partner, may be taxing his supply also, they only make so many strong, healthy sperm a day and depending on his age/health there are factors that can be exacerbated by too much sex. Remember, it only takes one time to conceive. I’ve proven this is 3 of my 5 pregnancies haha. Your partners health plays a huge role in conception so keep that in mind, it’s not all on you, and he should be willing to have these discussions.

I know PCOS makes it particularly difficult, but have you been tracking your cycle? (I like the OVIA app) Do you know if/when you ovulate? Have you tried ovulation prediction kits? Temping is also an option, I recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it’s a great read for any woman at any point in her life but especially while trying to become a parent.

Try to be easy on yourself, this journey isn’t easy for anyone.

Also I want to add, please do not waste your money on “fertility boosting” products. Take your prenatal vitamins daily and eat a healthy balanced diet. Most of those products are out there to prey on desperation and take your money with no results. Horrible industry.

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I highly recommend anyone with any medical condition to search for Facebook groups. I am on a FB support group for a different condition, and I’ve found that it really helps.

I know so many amazing women who have PCOS and struggle to become pregnant. Although there are great people on this forum who can give advice, it may be helpful to join a group specifically for what you’re going through. Not only to share your story and seek advice, but to also read others’ stories. I know what you’re going through can feel very isolating (especially if other people around you announce they are pregnant) so having a place to go where you know other people will understand, is priceless! Best of luck :heart:

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I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you know about tracking your cycle to target your fertile days? There is really only 72 hours a month that your body is able to make a baby so it’s worth knowing when this time is so you don’t tire yourselves out the rest of the month. You can follow your cycle with an app or use ovulation tests or learn about the ovulation signs in your own body.

Do you also know PCOS is curable? Many doctors don’t say so but nutritionists can help and there should be a lot of free info online.

On top of that there are many things that can affect fertility for both partners:

  • alcohol
  • smoking
  • coffee
  • sugar
  • too many refined carbs

These things all trigger pcos as well.

Or low in:

  • iron/b12
  • vit d
  • vit c
  • other essential bs and folate

I would definitely recommend getting on a prenatal vitamin asap as your baby will need a good store of vitamins to grow healthy and strong!

In terms of the loss and grief, those feelings are so understandable. In Australia you can 20 free psychology sessions which is amazing. You can just pop into your GP and request a referral. They will ask what for - just tell them your story. Psychologists can be so helpful!

You are not failing anyone, these trials are so normal! I see it as an opportunity to get into good health. And both partners need to, not just you. I wish you all the best and feel free to ask more questions.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] advice is to check out one of the posts here labeled TTC 2020 or TTC 2021… TTC stands for trying to conceive and I’m sure you’ll get a lot of great advice and support from ladies who are in the same season as you!

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Thank you for your reply and words, I was [name_u]Doctor[/name_u] diagnosed with my PCOS and I get check-ups with the [name_u]Doctor[/name_u] every 2 years.

I’ve attempted to track my cycle and it started out alright but I am never regular, at times, I can get two periods in one month and I have improved my health a lot since he spoke to me about wanting to try - which shocked me as when we first met and got together, he was so adamant about not wanting kids and we have been through a lot - I’ve lost a total of 10kg (22 pouds) since [name_u]July[/name_u] - eating better, exercising more + exercise at work (I work in a kitchen) and he has even improved his life habits (although, not as much as I have)

oh ok, that is very sad and horrible about that type of industry being out there, I know it is relatively soon to be expecting good news and I don’t want to sound like a princess about things and I know my age is young but part of why I’m a bit frantic is when I got the results back from my last test (this year) what the [name_u]Doctor[/name_u] said, based on their charts with fertility hormones, my levels were that of someone in their late 30s-early 40s, despite my improvements in weight/diet and other factors.

again thank you for your information and kind words.

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Thank you for your advice, it is very difficult indeed, I have always been understanding and respectful of my partner and his choice to not want them (before he changed his mind) and I couldn’t say no to an awesome relationship when I didn’t even know if i would even been able to have kids (i don’t regret my choice of continuing the relationship with him)

but it is very difficult, my sister had her first baby (also with fertility problems but not my condition) and my cousin just had his second baby, as well as my partners side of the family also announcing things.

it makes things a bit more difficult too when I have his mother constantly on my case (despite mentioning not to bring it up) about when she’ll have grandkids and now that he’s changed his mind, i just feel really under pressure as well as happy that he decided to try.

I will definitely look into similar groups that you’ve mentioned.

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