I’m sorry if this has come up before and please link me to a previous post if it has, but what is the general etiquette on telling friends and family baby names you like?
I’m mostly a little apprehensive about saying names I like out loud For the first time to family and friends because of their reaction, do you have any advice? For example do you sound it out with friends to see how it works in conversation etc, or is it better keep an unusual name under wraps?
And also, what is the general etiquette on choosing a name and hoping others don’t also use it? I have my heart completely set on the name [name_u]River[/name_u] for a girl and have told a few people, but I feel really over protective like I don’t want to tell as I will be so upset if someone else uses it
We’ve decided not to tell our choice of name to family or friends until the baby is born. I’d rather not deal with people disliking our choice and forcefully suggesting other options instead, which is what I found has happened any time I discuss potential names with family. Negative comments (none justified, just based on the person’s personal preference) have ruined the way I look at certain names I used to love. I’ve found that once a baby is born people might not really like a name, but they tend to keep their negative opinions more to themselves and the name grows on them over time.
I might discuss options with some close friends who have a similar naming style (and nameberry, of course)!
This is what we think will work best for us! Other options you might consider since you are already really set on [name_u]River[/name_u] might be to get a blanket or onesie or something else made with the baby’s name and share it with your family/friends. It seems more permanent that way - “Look at what I got for the baby!” - rather than “this is a name we’re considering but aren’t totally set on yet,” which might leave the name open to being “stolen” or to family/friends making negative comments.
Not sure from your post if you are currently pregnant or just talking about the future. If you aren’t pregnant I would suggest not mentioning your absolute favorite to anyone except maybe your best friend or sibling.
If you are pregnant and considering something less traditional like [name_u]River[/name_u] for a girl I suggest you don’t tell older family members. My grandmother has ruined so many names for me! We ended up using something fairly unusual and now that it belongs to her actual great grand daughter she thinks it’s the most gorgeous name in the world. I also shared one of my favorite names with my pregnant sister-in-law while I was pregnant and she used it! She was 6 months ahead of me with twin girls she said she already picked names for. My experience has taught me to keep my mouth shut & I only discuss with my partner, my sister & my 2 best friends who already each have 2 kids and aren’t planning on more AND here of course.
As for afterward, there’s no telling who will be inspired to use your daughter’s name or who might have been dreaming of using [name_u]River[/name_u] on a girl since they first heard of [name_u]River[/name_u] [name_u]Phoenix[/name_u]. You just have to hope that the people in your life would want something more original for themselves then to use the name of a friend or family member’s child.
I think it all depends on your personality, your family member’s personalities, etc. A pact with a sister that you trust and share baby name taste with to let each of you have a few dibs can be great…and complete silence with an aunt who is critical and you have trouble standing up to can be great too.
My only hard and fast rule is I don’t tell people if I’m considering an honor name that might mean something to them until I’m sure about it. I wouldn’t want to go to my grandmother and say, “Well, we considered _____ because we do love you a lot, but not enough to pass up this other name that my husband liked because it reminds him of his favorite band.”
Thank you all for this help, I love the idea about the blanket @labelo. I’m not pregnant yet but we’re in discussions when to start TTC as have been married for a year now and looking at our options. That [name_m]Said[/name_m], I have literally loved the name [name_u]River[/name_u] since I can remember! I may not even get a girl when we do start but if I do it’s the most perfect choice for us and DH loves it too.
I think I will confide in my sister and mum, as they’re so confident that I know I would get a lot of support from them. Unusual names are extremely common in my family, I’m more concerned about the in laws and friends ‘stealing’ or hating! Haha.
This is why I’m loving Nameberry right now, it’s making feel so happy and confident in choosing a perfect name
I generally don’t tell family and friends until the baby is born. I did bounce some finalists off my sister for our second as I valued her opinion and knew she wouldn’t blab. People tend be more polite about names once the baby is born then before. The internet is good for getting ideas and opinions if needed.
I would recommend not revealing your choices until the baby is born. I’ve seen too many parents talked out of names they loved because of negative reactions from family members.
Would you consider using [name_u]River[/name_u] on a boy? Your family might be more open and not ruin the name for you with their negative comments if it’s for a boy instead of a girl.
There is no “naming etiquette” when it comes to sharing names with family and friends. It’s completely up to YOU to decide what path to follow. However, practically every baby name book I’ve read has advocated “NOT” to tell friends and family the name you have chosen. Choosing a baby’s name is a parents responsibility. If you do tell, I hope you have a thick skin because you will have to prepare yourself for negativity. You will have to hold firm in your choice because some comments from people you are close to will cause you to doubt your choice - or even think you’ve lost your mind :). Unfortunately, most humans are wired in a way that they remember the one negative comment over all of the positive feedback. So I advise you to keep the name a secret. Once the baby is born and the birth certificate is signed, they’ll have no choice in the matter.
It’s whatever you feel comfortable with. If you choose not to share, it might rub some people the wrong way that you’re “keeping secrets from them”, but I wouldn’t worry about that. When I was pregnant, I just knew that I was way too hormonal to take any criticism (or perceived criticism), so I never talked to anyone about names except my husband, and he didn’t mention them to anyone else either. That didn’t stop people from asking us, but we usually just said, “We have some ideas, but we’re still narrowing it down.” At my baby shower, everyone wanted to talk names, but apparently (fortunately!) my husband must have told his co-worker (who is also my friend, obviously) that we didn’t want to share, because she got everyone to tell me the names they would have named their children if there were the opposite gender instead of hounding me about our choices.
AND here of course.