I have an 8 year old boy and he’s been the only kid around for a long time. I’m in the process of adopting a little girl and although I have been reading books and blogs, would love some advice on how to help him deal with a new sibling and also what to do to help them bond.
I’m not sure how much of a help I can be, seeing as I have no children yet and I am one of eight siblings, but you deserve a response to your question, so I’ll try my best.
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Seeing as your boy is old enough to understand a new child is coming into your family (I mean, he isn’t a toddler who doesn’t quite have the ability to comprehend “new baby”), maybe you could talk to him and encourage him to share his feelings about the matter.
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Involve him in the adoption process, as much as is appropriate for his age. When I was six and mom was pregnant with my youngest sister, she let us help pick out baby clothes, get the room ready, fold the baby’s clothes, share what we wanted to name her, and so on. It helped us a lot and made us happy to be included.
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Honestly…being a big brother is really going to change his life. Drastically. Spend time with him…time without “new sibling” talk. Shoot hoops. Stuff your faces at a pizza joint. Go fishing. Have a water balloon fight. Play catch. Let him know he is still important. Sometimes, it is easy to get pushed aside when attention needs to be put on another sibling. Make sure he still gets one-on-one time with his mama
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When she is here, there’s probably a ton of things you can do with the two kids. Take them to the park, maybe. Show your new daughter how to make cookies with the two of you.
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[name_f]Remember[/name_f] that it will be an adjustment period. It won’t be easy at times. You’ll all get through it
good luck!
Thank you very much for the advice! You are spot on with everything!
The previous poster was pretty spot on, but I will just add from experience. My daughter [name_f]Ana[/name_f] is 12 and my daughter [name_f]Gen[/name_f] is 2… so [name_f]Ana[/name_f] was a little bit older then your son when [name_f]Gen[/name_f] was born. [name_f]Ana[/name_f] was always VERY independent, she never once asked when she would have another sibling like I think most kids do. So when we decided we were ready to start trying again we asked [name_f]Ana[/name_f] how she would feel about possibly having a little brother or sister. We went in honestly thinking she would throw a fit, but she said “well wouldn’t that be lovely, my very own baby” :] !!! At her age she ended up wanting to be pretty helpful so that was nice, of course it is always different when talked about then when it really happens.
My advice is to make sure you speak about the new arrival plenty of times BEFORE hand. Our daughters initial response was so calm and seemingly positive that we didn’t think about how much we really needed to prepare her as to how HER life was going to change. We told her a new baby was coming, we found out it was a girl and told her that, she helped us in the naming process, she was INVOLVED, but she wasn’t PREPARED.
When [name_f]Gen[/name_f] was born [name_f]Ana[/name_f] didn’t know how much time [name_f]Gen[/name_f] would take from her… because we never sat her down and talked about how day to day things would change, like how we couldn’t just run down to the park quickly without taking time to pack things for [name_f]Gen[/name_f]. I finally realized this and just made sure [name_f]Ana[/name_f] had her role, if she wanted to run down the road to the park to play some ball she knew that she had to pack a bag for [name_f]Gen[/name_f] to help mommy. She felt more involved and she really liked that. Make sure your son is still able to do the things he likes and you are still able to spend time with him.
I’m not a mumma, but the most common problem I have seen among family and friends is not having time shared equally among the siblings. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though your little man is old enough to “get” what is happening, make sure you still spend quality time with him and that he knows you still love him just as much (or more), even though there is a new addition to the family. Siblings should never feel second to each other, and as hard as it is to get one-on-one time with each of them, it definitely ranks as one of the most important things to make happen. 
I do hope everything goes well for you, in welcoming a new little girl! xo