Advice

I was looking for some advice on what you would do in this situation - not soo much about deciding between specific names.

Anyways, the situation I am struggling with is that I envisioned choosing my daughter’s middle name after my sister as she is quite important to me and I feel would be a special honour. I wasn’t going to use her exact name as it didn’t flow well with the chosen first name, but was going to use a rather close diminutive of the name (same first syllable and second syllable being a “lee” sound instead of an “ah” sound.) Very close in name and you can distinctly tell that I would be honouring my sister. I decided to bring this up to her and ask her opinion/see her reaction and it wasn’t exactly what I had expected. She ended up telling me she didn’t want me to use her name or a similar name to hers in the baby’s name. I was abit hurt by this, but mostly confused on what the right thing would be to do in this situaiton. Should I still use it anyways to show she is important to me and perhaps she will grow on the idea to love it? [name_u]Or[/name_u] should I seriously take into consideration her wishes and not use it as she has asked - meaning to pick something else? I am now just very confused on what I should do as I was just looking to honour and make her feel special, not knowing she wouldn’t enjoy it. Thoughts please?

Disclaimer

[name_f]My[/name_f] sister is still young (a teenager) and perhaps doesn’t yet understand to an extent how special being honoured could be. But, perhaps is something she would grow to love with time? [name_u]Or[/name_u] should I just hold off and perhaps save it for another baby? I can always try again explain it to her and how much it means, but I am not sure how much age plays a big factor in this right now.

Thank you! :smiling_face:

It could just feel odd to her to share her name (or one close to it) with another family member. It could be an age thing or it could just be her personal preference to have a name uniquely belonging to her.
If she still is against it when baby is a reality then I would honor her with another name.
Maybe her favorite color or character or place that’s important to her?

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The thing about honor names is that they’re usually for the person being honored more than the child or the parents that chose the name. I think I’d feel a little off-put if I named my child after my sister, who didn’t want that. It could be extremely helpful to talk to her about why she doesn’t like the idea. Maybe she doesn’t want to share her name, but would be okay with her niece having the name of her birth flower or favorite color or childhood nickname. There are a thousand reasons that she might be resisting the idea, and you won’t know if whatever it ends up being is somehow reconcilable unless you ask. :heart:

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I like the previously stated ideas of using another name to honour her (birth flower, favourite colour, etc). You could also consider choosing a name with the same meaning as your sister’s as a more subtle way of honouring her

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[name_f]My[/name_f] mother found it uncomfortable and weird when we mentioned using her name, I would choose another name personally. Actually I would probably invite my sister to help choose her middle name. That way she still gets the honor of being part of her name just not using her name.

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I appreciate all the advice thus far! All great ideas to look into and to first see what or why maybe she isnt into the idea. Her name is already super common like top 5 for decades which I do understand she has had trouble enjoying her name due to this and already sharing it with sooo many people she has met. In school one year she was 1 out of 5 with her name and also another classmate had her same last initial so she had to go by first name middle initial and last initial.
But, I will talk some more with her and see her exact reasoning and/or if it is something she is serious about. I am hoping if I give her abit of time to think about it she will beable to help me understand better. I tried and have continued to try soo hard not to take it personally, but rather was just shocked!

If all else fails, you all have suggested other ways to possibly honour her or even possibly not honour her at all this time around. :two_hearts:

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I think since right now, she’s not liking the idea, I wouldn’t use her name. She might feel like it’s a lot of responsibility to be honoured; she might feel like the name is her own and is doesn’t want to share :person_shrugging: Maybe you could consider asking why, just so you have a clearer idea of what would feel doable/appropriate?

You could keep the honour for later, to see if she felt differently, or, you could consider:

  • involving her in the naming process - ask her to pick out a middle name, so you’re showing her how special she is by including her that way?

  • pick something that relates to a memory you have with her - a special place, a holiday, something you both enjoy

  • go with meaning - pick a quality your sister has, that you’d like baby to share, and see if there’s a name with that meaning. [name_u]Or[/name_u] a name that’s different from your sister but shares a meaning?

That would allow you to be vague enough that it wouldn’t be your sister’s name that was being honoured?

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This great advice and some great suggestions to start with!

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[name_f]My[/name_f] mother-in-law was very definite that she didn’t want any part of her name to be incorporated in our kids’ names. She said it was her name and she didn’t want to share it with anyone else. It could be as simple as that for your sister!

I like the suggestions of looking at some other way to honour your sister, if you wish, other than her name (or a recognisable variation of it).

ETA: I love @LibelluleClaire 's idea to ask your sister to help you choose a name. She might feel more honoured if her niece has a name she (your sister) really loves, rather than her own name which perhaps she’s not too keen on.

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Thank you and I like hearing that it isnt such an uncommon experience.
I am mainly starting to get the impression that my sister doesn’t hate her name, but rather just isnt keen on her own name. Which of course is completely okay.

I will definitely see if perhaps she would enjoy helping and/or choosing the name, if that is something she is into.
If not. The suggestion of her birth month flower could possibly already be honoured as the first name I have chosen starts with the same letter and shares similar sounds. Perhaps is a close name in itself to honour her as the actually flower is far too similar in sound to beable to pair with the chosen first name.

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