I have my perfect boy’s name picked out and have done for a year or so however, I discovered the first name through the child of a friend. She was my old dance teacher and I havent seen her in years but still have her on facebook ect and have lots of mutual friends. The name isn’t very popular and I also prefer the way she spells it :/.
I feel bad but I can’t seem to shake the name off! Is everyone going to think I’m shady or should I not let it bother me?!
Any advice is great 
thanks x
i think it’s fine, and she should be flattered. i think it’s ‘stealing’ if you were both pregnant at the same time and she confided in you the name she was going to use and then you had the baby first and used that name. but still then, i’d probably give you a pass (i’m more easy going!).
[name]How[/name] uncommon is the name? [name]How[/name] uncommon is the particular spelling that you like? [name]How[/name] close in age and location would her child be to yours? It sounds like it would be pretty obvious to her and to mutual friends that you swiped the name off of her, which is fine, but you may want to discuss it with her first. You most certainly don’t need her “permission,” and you have every right to use the name regardless of her response, but it might be a cordial gesture to just let her know that you love her name taste and want to use it yourself–kind of addressing the elephant in the room before it even becomes a reality. As the previous poster said, she should be flattered by it. As for mutual friends thinking you’re “shady,” I see no reason why you can’t openly admit to them that you liked the other woman’s name choice and imitated it; there is nothing shady or shameful about that. Good luck!
I’d be super annoyed if someone copied one of my children’s names given they were very unique and special. Maybe you should FB message her and mention how much you love the name just so she isn’t caught offguard when you post your baby announcement.
As elizabeth567 says, I think there is a big difference between stealing and copying.
I really don’t see why copying is such a problem for anyone.
Yeah maybe if you used the same first AND middle name it might be annoying and you would seem rather unimaginative. Or if the name was already used by close friends or family, so the name brothers would be spending a lot of time together.
No one has exclusive rights to a name, and if she should have a problem with you using it for your child… Well that’s her problem then.
Or maybe she will actually be happy that someone else finds the name wonderful as well.
I agree. It only looks shady if you up and announce the child and say nothing about the name. Coming out and being honest is always best. [name]Just[/name] message her saying how much you love the name; that you can’t get it out of your head so you’ll probably use it for your child
I agree with nat108
If I were the other woman, I would want a solid few years age difference between my child and yours, ideally, and I would want a head’s up. However, if someone messaged me about it, I couldn’t imagine saying “No, don’t use the name.” I would just want to be acknowledged, and a nice message would do that.
Her baby is already born, right? I guess it’d be nice if you sent her a message saying you loved her kid’s name so much you plan to use it on your own but really, I think some of the opinions on name forums about “name stealing” are way over the top. Unless it’s a name she made up herself or something, it’s fair game really. I can understand being upset if a family member used the same name as you had previously, but an old dance teacher? I honestly wouldn’t care if someone who I hadn’t seen in years thought I was “shady” because I was inspired by their naming choices.
Thanks for all your responses! Her son is about 12 or 13 now and im not even pregnant yet so it’s a big age gap. The name is [name]Malakai[/name], variant of [name]Malachi[/name] so it’s not too uncommon. When the time comes i’ll tell her that i’m using the name before hand.
Thanks again 
I would think it very odd for someone to give me warning that they were going to use my much older childs name, especially if they werent even in my life anymore. Facebook friends does not constitute being in one’s life. I dont think you owe her any kind of explanation, it doesnt affect her life at all that you would be naming your son the same as hers. I would be shocked for someone to think you were being shady or name stealing. The name is actually biblical, I just researched it and its a part of the king james bible, [name]Malachi[/name] chapter 3.
Hm, I am not sure I agree here. Facebook messaging her sounds really awkward to me because you guys aren’t close. What are you hoping to get out of that? Her blessing? I don’t think you need someone’s permission to use a name you love, especially since she isn’t in your life and it is an established name. Why not get rid of the problem completely and just de-friend her?
I dont agree with the advice your getting here, to email her. If I were to get an email like that from someone that isn’t in my life and hasn’t been for a long time, and we were only Facebook friends…I would find the whole thing awkward. I would also think why on earth does this woman need permission from me? She can name her child whatever she wants. This woman isn’t in your life, her son is clearly much older, and I just don’t see how this is name stealing, not that there is such a thing. I did some research on the name, and its actually biblical, in the [name]King[/name] [name]James[/name] Bible, there is Chapter 3 [name]Malachi[/name].
Agree, I second this advice, except you really don’t even need to de-friend her because your not doing anything wrong.
Agree with this.
I agree with this.
I think personally there’s a difference between stealing and copying.
For instance if you and your friend were pregnant at the same time and she confinded in you that she liked the name [name]Caitlin[/name] and you went and used [name]Caitlin[/name] for your child - that’s unfair and you’ve essentially stolen the name. But if your friend is named [name]Delphine[/name] and you love it and want to use the name that’s not stealing that’s simply copying which isn’t mean and could potentially be flattering.
But why don’t you ask her? You could facebook her and say I really love your son’s name and would love to use it for my child, she’ll probably say that’s fine and be pleased that you asked her if it’s okay. But if she says no I’d rather you wouldn’t then use it as a middle name and use the middle name as a first.
According to NB [name]Malakai[/name]'s Popularity in 2011: #620. If you don’t really have much contact with your her or her son I would not bother telling her about it. A name that popular you could have found inspiration for anywhere…
[name]How[/name] far off from having children are you? If you’re in high school and not planning on it for at least another 5-10 years, I wouldn’t really bother. Her son will be an adult by then, and I don’t think a 20ish year gap can really be called name-napping. Plus, there are plenty of little Malachis running around these days. Frankly, if you’re still concerned when the day comes, and if your SO actually agrees to the name (hey, you might get lucky! ;)), I would just go for it. Or just spell it [name]Malachi[/name] (it’ll be easier on your son, anyway). If ancient/Bible names continue to be a force in naming, I doubt anyone will bat an eye.
I think @tk made a good point. It always takes two to name a baby so unless your SO decides he loves the name just as much as you do - with the spelling that you like I wouldn’t worry about it too much about name-napping right now. I’d only start worrying about it if it truly becomes a top contender during a pregnancy.