I’d like your thoughts on this, Berries…
My son Hjörtur is 4 years old. His dad and I are divorced. There have never been any hard feelings between us and we still care deeply for each other, our marriage just wasn’t working anymore.
Hjörtur’s dad is half African. The problem now is that around [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], he would like to visit family in Gambia (they have moved there from a very unsafe African region) and he would like to take Hjörtur with him, since they’ve never met him, they’ve only seen photographs of him as a baby. I’m not sure if that’s something I want to allow… I completely understands that he wants his extended family to meet his son, but he’s so little and it doesn’t feel right for him to be so far away from me. I know his dad, my ex-husband, is very responsible and would never do anything that could harm our son, but my heart says I don’t want this. Or is it just my anxiety and pregnancy hormones speaking? Am I being selfish?
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I wouldn’t want my 4 Year old half way across the world with a bunch of people I’ve never met. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if his dad is responsible… it just doesn’t sit with me. Maybe if he was older, like 8 or something… at least then, he will completely understand the situation. I feel that it could be quite a stressful situation for a 4 year old to be away from their mother for an extended amount of time.
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I completely agree with Mummacat. Not only would I be worried the entire time, I don’t think my 4 year old would understand or be able to communicate his feelings well, or want to be so far away from me. Maybe if he was older when he could understand and communicate more. I know his father is responsible and you’ve parted amicably but this is asking a lot of you, imo. I wouldn’t be okay with it. It’s not just you or pregnancy hormones. I would feel the same way.
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I agree with you. I think your anxieties are understandable, and I think you should say no if you aren’t comfortable with it. Worrying about your child in a far away country is definitely not what you want to experience any time, let alone during pregnancy with hormones all over the place. [name_f]IMO[/name_f], your son is too young. I think your son would struggle to be so far away from you as well, and I think this is maybe something to decide on when he is considerably older (like 10).
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Thank you for your opinions.
We talked about it last night, I told him I don’t want him to take Hjörtur to [name_f]Africa[/name_f] and explained to him why. He completely understands, he was disappointed of course, but he doesn’t blame me and says he’ll take Hjörtur to see his family when he’s a bit older.
This trip to [name_f]Africa[/name_f] was something we planned to do together years ago, and we agreed that around this age Hjörtur would be old enough to make the trip with us. Of course it’s different now that I’m not going.
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