Am I being too picky?

I’ve posted a few times about names for our daughter, due in five weeks. My husband and I have truly decided on [name]Evangeline[/name], but realized we were misunderstanding each other about the middle name honoring his deceased grandmother, who I never met. I thought we were agreeing on [name]Elspeth[/name]. However I just learned that her name was [name]Elsbeth[/name]! I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time adjusting to this, because it is just one letter away from [name]Elspeth[/name], but to me it makes the name completely different. Whereas [name]Elspeth[/name] with its P seems light, like a puff of air, [name]Elsbeth[/name] with its vocal B seems clunkier. Like an incomplete [name]Elizabeth[/name]. Maybe my feelings have to do with negative associations I have with the name [name]Beth[/name], or maybe I am confused because the name I’ve been poring over in my mind – [name]Evangeline[/name] [name]Elspeth[/name] – has become so fixed to my baby with its vowel alliteration and soft consonants. But [name]Elspeth[/name]/[name]Elsbeth[/name] is “just” a middle name, and it has significance for my husband.

What do you think? Are these two totally different names? [name]Do[/name] they have the same charm? [name]How[/name] far would you take this kind of concern when deciding on a name with your partner?

I too prefer the spelling [name]Elspeth[/name]. But, it is lovely either way, and a nice way to honor someone…

I don’t think they seem that different, but I can see how it’d be weird after you’ve been thinking of her as [name]Evangeline[/name] [name]Elspeth[/name] this entire time (and I do prefer [name]Elspeth[/name], too). Have you considered asking if you can keep it [name]Elspeth[/name] and just explain that it sounds lighter with such a long first name? It of course can still honor his grandmother since it’s very close; maybe just say you want to modify it a bit in order to flow better with her first name. [name]Do[/name] you think he would go for that??

If he won’t, I don’t think it’s a huge deal - I do think it will take some getting used to, but they really aren’t pronounced that differently, at least to me (well, at least the way I pronounce them!). :slight_smile:

BTW, I really like [name]Evangeline[/name] - great choice. :slight_smile:

He doesn’t pronounce the names differently either, so maybe the differences are all in my mind? :slight_smile: He is [name]German[/name], we live in Germany, and apparently [name]Elsbeth[/name] IS the [name]German[/name] name (at least where we live). He had never heard of [name]Elspeth[/name]! I wonder if [name]Elspeth[/name] is more attractive to me because I see it discussed in forums like this. But I do like it better…I am so stubborn that I we are in the middle of legally changing our son’s name, which we never agreed on, and I don’t meant to torture him with this child too :roll: However, I am a bit of a name nerd! :slight_smile:

LOL I honestly think if it will bother you that much, you should just ask him! Or do you think it’s something you’ll get used to??

I have asked, but he’s flat out said “that would not be my grandmother’s name,” and end of discussion. I think my heart is telling me I have to give in, but I don’t want to. It will bother me for a long time, but perhaps not forever like an imperfect first name… LOL, I think perhaps I am not just a name nerd but a name snob! It’s weird though to change even a letter after imagining a name one way for months.

Only you can answer this because you know your husband. Who is more stubborn and less likely to let this go? Is this truly going to bother and upset him? If so, then I hate to say it, it’s his grandma you gotta give it to him.
But if he is the type to protest without a lot of heart into it. Or you feel like deep down he will get over it. Then pursue your idea more with him.

Pronounciation wise, basically it’s the same thing. So it’s your mental hurdle getting over the [name]BETH[/name] which is in your head. When I read [name]Elsbeth[/name] I did not even think of the name [name]BETH[/name], it’s all in viewers perception.

Sometimes, when you honor someone with a name, you can use a variation. I think that would work in this case. I prefer [name]Elspeth[/name], hands down. Maybe you could try to explain to your husband that [name]Elspeth[/name] is a variation of [name]Elsbeth[/name] and say that you want to honor his grandmother, but you also want your child to have their own name.

I can see how jarring it would be to have thought about [name]Evangeline[/name] [name]Elspeth[/name] only to learn that it will really be [name]Evangeline[/name] [name]Elsbeth[/name]. I’ll agree with pp that the [name]BETH[/name] part doesn’t stick out for me at all. [name]Elsbeth[/name] is DH’s grandmother’s name, I think you have to give in. All this time, he’s been happily thinking that his daughter will honor his grandmother and all of a sudden, you’re telling him you want a p - it’s the same disconcerting feeling you have! I don’t pronounce [name]Elsbeth[/name] and [name]Elspeth[/name] differently. I think [name]Evangeline[/name] [name]Elsbeth[/name] is beautiful!

Good luck!

Yep. You have to go with [name]Elsbeth[/name]. I think your husband is right-changing it to ‘p’ is a cop-out. You might as well change it to [name]Eliza[/name] at that point. It still sounds lovely, though!