I can’t offer first-hand experience, but I was with my sister during her entire first pregnancy at age 19.
I saw her lose some friends, but they probably weren’t very good ones - I also saw her gain some new, amazing friends that she still has now 7 years later.
For her it was also a birth control oops (she really doesn’t even like kids, except now her own 3 daughters), so even though she thought she might be pregnant, finding out was when all the reality came rushing in. 19 is a time in your life when you’ve just barely started to find out who you really are, and having a child young will define you in many ways, and they can all be positive if you seize the opportunity! She is a really good Mom and you will be too. Yes it is a lot of responsibility, and yeah, you’re going to have to find your own way of parenting.
I also think it is awesome that your hubby is excited, because having a partner who is 100% in it with you makes all the difference. Your mom will most likely end up being a huge resource for you as well (my mom was super negative about my sister’s 1st pregnancy, I think some moms just worry too much about what their children’s lives “should” be like in their minds versus what is actually fulfilling for us - and we’ll probably do the same to our kids, right? Haha).
Anyway, just breathe, focus on staying healthy and treating yourself well, have lots of open and hard conversations with your partner, and I’m sure you’ll figure everything out as you go along!
Best wishes, darling. [name]Hope[/name] that helped!
It will be fine! My brother married at 19 and had their baby at 20. They were both at university and they both gained their Master’s Degree. He established a very suceessful business. You need enthusiasm and dreams. Make your dreams come true!
So it can be done. You may not have much money but heck you are young you do not need all the extra mess that toys and thousands of baby clothes bring.
Try to get a support base. Has Mum or Grandma got some time to help you out?
Good luck and don’t let it get you down and find a good person maybe an aunty or Mum that you can talk to.
Thanks rollo! I’m feeling much better these past couple of days. I go throughout most of the day happy and excited, with just a few twinges here and there like ‘oh my goodness what have I done’ lol. The money aspect of things is most nerve racking, tied up with nervousness about changes to my body and how awful labor will be! ( I know I shouldn’t be worrying about this yet!)
Otherwise, I had a heart to heart with my mom and she is doing better, even texting me lots of name ideas! And my aunties and grandma took it great, saying they are so excited and that even though it was unplanned it will be a blessing in disguise.
If you have a condom break and you don’t take the morning-after pill, I don’t really see that as “not trying, not preventing.” A broken condom is obviously not preventing anything, and you’re aware that it’s happened.
Anyway, you’re pregnant now. Congrats. Everything will be fine. Like another poster, I recommend waiting until around 12-14 weeks before going and telling everyone. Apart from that, find yourself an obgyn or midwife, and start learning all you can about pregnancy and birth. It’s a hell of a ride
I won’t lie, I think it’ll be hard. I don’t have any personal experience, but my cousin and his girlfriend got pregnant when she was around 19. They eventually had another child, and finally got married last year. And nowadays, they are on really solid ground and have their act together. They have a beautiful, happy family, and that’s definitely possible, but it wasn’t like that at first. She was young and had no idea how selfless you have to be to have a baby. She wasn’t a great life partner and was pretty selfish. My cousin was pretty resentful and he had to give up his dreams permanently to work and support his family. But they had their babies, they learned, and they have new dreams now. [name]Just[/name] took a few years. But yeah, your life is in for a huge change. Your relationship is in for a huge change. [name]Every[/name] ounce of selfishness in you is going to be brought to the surface when your life is consumed by a baby. But if you can work through it and manage to stay together as a family, you’ll probably do a lot of growing up and be a better person for it in the long run. Good luck, hon!! You can do it =))
[name]Per[/name] my religion, I don’t use morning after pills, or abortion. I personally believe in the sanctity of life. If there is no life in the first place, fine, which is why I don’t care about birth control. I would have used it had I not been so sick. But once there is life I don’t believe in ‘taking it back’ so to say. Anyways, this is just be personal moral beliefs. What others choose to do is their belief!
We haven’t told anyone but close family and one or two friends that are like family. I won’t tell everyone else until week 12 or 13. I just felt thy with those few people, if anything were to happen, I would want them around as support anyways. Haha I know it is a hell of a ride, pretty nerve racking! Like a roller coaster, and I was never a fan of those!
Thanks lizgingermitch! I know it will be hard and I’m taking these nine months to work on weeding out any bit if selfishness I may have! But as I’ve been telling others, if anyone can do this, I have confidence that I can! It will be hard but I know I can do it thanks for the encouraging words
hi boston it is great to hear that the family is thrilled with the thought of having a baby in the family. Keep your dreams alive. Please don’t keep worrying about the labour as yours may be an easy one and if not then they have lots of things to help you feel more comfortable.
[name]Just[/name] for your own future reference, the morning after pill is not a form of abortion. It’s basically a higher dose of birth control so if you’ve taken one, you shouldn’t have any problem taking the other. In fact, if you are pregnant, the morning after pill will have no effect. Here’s a nice little article that explains it all in further detail: Health | HowStuffWorks
This exactly. I’m sorry to seem rude, but BC and condoms are absolutely no different than the morning after pill. You were hoping to get pregnant. And that’s totally fine, but it’s a tad annoying that you keep making it seem otherwise. It kind of seems like you’re vying for attention at times. Where I’m from, so many young girls get pregnant because they subconsciously (sometimes not so much) wanted to. For varying reasons… they wanted to be tied to a guy, all their friends are pregnant/already have kids, being pregnant gets you so much attention, as my Mom says “they wanted to play house.” And when their parents and families freak out because they’re young, they pull the religion card as an excuse as to why they couldn’t of prevented it. Instead of just admitting they wanted to get pregnant because (insert reason here.) And I’m not saying any of those fit your situation because I don’t know you, but it’s honestly the vibe I get.
I’m sure you will love your child, and I hope you don’t ever feel like you missed out on life because you had a baby so young. I’m almost 26 and sometimes I still feel like I’m missing out on certain “young and wild” activities that we just can’t do anymore, I couldn’t imagine how I would of handled having a baby at 19.
Honestly that sort of comment is horrifying to me. I am by no means an attention getter and would never NEVER get pregnant just to get attention. [name]Nor[/name] to tie mysel to a man or any ther reasons. I am happily married, and im a good place in my life. I come to This site for advice, and help. Not comments like this. I swear some people just try to find as many indiscrepencies in others as they can. You can not judge others and then follow up with the statement ‘I don’t mean to judge you’. Absolutely awful. I have plenty Of support elsewhere and will no longer be posting on this forum. I don’t need to explain myself to people who have nothing better to do than post comments like this. I truly feel sorry for some of you. Thanks to those who have been so very helpful throughout all of this. The best to you.
I don’t remember you getting any rude comments? As far as I can tell, everyone (including myself) has been very nice, nonjudgmental, and polite to your many posts. When you post on a public forum, sometimes you will get some comments that aren’t sugarcoated in syrupy sweetness. I’m not being mean to you, just stating my thoughts on your thread asking for thoughts. And the fact that you cherry pick the one comment that could be taken as offensive and decide to take your ball and go home, instead of just carrying on with the thread, tells me you are kinda in it for the attention. Sorry.
You know what…I agree with RGE on this one. I’ve said something similar on another of your posts. The constant protesting of innocence (the idea that your pregnancy was completely unplanned) is irksome. Especially when we all know you’ve been hoping to fall pregnant for several months now (the evidence is in the threads you posted prior to your pregnancy). However, I understand your point of view. To a young woman, the idea of seeing two pink lines on a pregnancy test is terribly exciting. When I was in my early 20s, I was in a relationship with a guy and we rarely used contraception. We mostly practiced the withdrawal method, which is notoriously unreliable. I took several pregnancy tests during our relationship and each time I hoped for a positive. Of course, we weren’t actually trying to get pregnant. But that didn’t stop me from hoping! Luckily, all my tests were negative. And, I mean, thank god! I’m sure I would’ve completely flipped out if one had actually turned up positive. So I can see where you’re coming from - you were hoping to fall pregnant, but seeing a positive pregnancy test was scary. The reason RGE made the comment that “it kind of seems like you’re vying for attention at times” is because of the number of posts you’ve made prior to your pregnancy (indicating you were hoping to be pregnant) and the number of posts you’ve made since your pregnancy (regarding how shocked you were to have fallen pregnant even though you weren’t using contraception properly). To respond to her comments with “I have plenty of support elsewhere and will no longer be posting on this forum. I don’t need to explain myself to people who have nothing better to do than post comments like this” smacks of immaturity. You’ve posted a lot on this site and the vast majority of comments have been nothing but empathetic and understanding. A few people (RGE and myself included) have suggested your “unplanned” pregnancy might not have been quite so unplanned after all. And I think that’s a fair judgement for people to make. Our comments are not unfounded. If you want to leave Nameberry, that’s your prerogative. But to let one comment upset you to that degree would be sad, especially after all the compassion and helpful advice you’ve been offered by so many Berries. And tells me that RGE’s comments probably cut too close to the bone.
I agree with RGE and [name]Sarah[/name] here. It seems like all you want is replies about candy castles in the sky. I wish you all the best whether you stay or not.
I agree with the others. Honestly, I was pretty shocked to find a post saying you had a “surprise pregnancy”. I wasn’t following your story too closely but I had the impression you were TTC. I’m also wary of young women who have accidentally-on-purpose pregnancies which they tout as completely unplanned. I got pregnant taking birth control pills reliably and responsibly - no missing of pills or whatever else people do. But the fact that “unplanned” pregnancies seem to be manufactured so often brings my own story into disrepute. It’s frustrating.
I’m not a super sensitive type so I’m always surprised when people leave from one or two comments they don’t like. Forums aren’t cheerleading squads. While members should try and be diplomatic - and I think everyone has been - these places are for opinions not just back scratches.
I don’t think she liked the truth…I understand shock factor happening here. And no offense but when I was 19 I did what I want and knew what I was doing especially when it came to sex. I think what upsets me the most is knowing there are us woman here who want nothing but a child and it is taking us/them 6months- year + to even have one. You are coming off as pretentious. And at first I felt sorry for you but once I continued reading and the fact you are bringing religion into the scenario when no offense people who are highly religious do not use BC at all. And Plan B is a BC on steroids. It doesn’t make sense. Like RGE, [name]Sarah[/name], and [name]Ott[/name] said it is just coming off like you are shocked this happened. Sorry we do not sugar coat things or you feel we are dumping liquid into your full cup but its better to get the raw material [name]IMO[/name]. That is why I post here and joined. I want the real deal information not some fairy tale that does not exist. Hopefully you will see Berries are just putting their opinions out there. They are letting you know how your post is coming off. You are one of the lucky ones to get pregnant that quickly. Most people would kill to be in your shoes…
thanks for the encouraging words