Am I Really Being Disrespectful?

General Name Discussion
1

I love the name [name_f]Betty[/name_f], and have done for quite a while now. The only thing is, my best friend of four years, who I usually take my name lists to and discuss names with first, is very upset with me and mad at me for wanting to use it. Her grandmother, who passed away when she was 12 (she’s now almost 23) was named [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] but went by [name_f]Betty[/name_f] and [name_f]Bet[/name_f], and for about two years now, she’s actually called me insensitive, disrespectful, heartless, and tried to talk me out of using it, because of this. I do love [name_f]Betsy[/name_f], but she still thinks that it’s close to [name_f]Betty[/name_f] and bordering on disrespectful, and she loathes [name_f]Bessie[/name_f], so I sort of gave up the fight.

I mentioned this all the other day and asked her if like, she was ok about it now, and she said yes, and that she didn’t remember calling me anything the previous times I mentioned it, and apologised. Then, today, during a fight about how I feel that she disrespects my feelings and my name lists and everything, she said that she was lying then because it was what I wanted to hear (apparently), and again, that I’m disrespectful.

So, then I opened my mouth and said “well she wasn’t my grandmother…”, and apparently now I’m heartless, disrespectful, and about 19 other things. I’m still confused though…

This is my best friend who’s opinion I do usually value highly. She’s calling me heartless and disrespectful, but I really don’t know how I am? Her grandmother died long before she and I met, and I’ve always found the name [name_f]Betty[/name_f] cute, but I feel like I’m being controlled at the moment. I didn’t mean to disrespect her with what I said, but I am seriously frustrated by the fact that she is so quick to call me things like that over a name, when, if she were to use [name_f]Bonnie[/name_f] or [name_f]Valerie[/name_f] (my grandmothers), I wouldn’t have a problem at all.

Am I really being disrespectful and heartless because I want to use the name [name_f]Betty[/name_f], or is she being irrational?

2

I definitely think she’s being irrational. Is she planning to one day use the name herself? If this is the case I could understand why she was a bit upset about it, but that doesn’t excuse her behaviour towards you in any way. TBH, I think she is the one being disrespectful…

3

She is contemplating [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] as a middle, but not [name_f]Betty[/name_f]. She said she doesn’t want to be reminded of how her grandmother died and that’s all the name would do, but I’m still not understanding her, really. I’m actually starting to think I am the horrible one here, but I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything wrong?

4

[name_m]Just[/name_m] going to say that I actually didn’t think you were being heartless for having the name on your list, i wouldnt have minded at all, but just to let people understand why, it’s only because I’ve previously asked if its ok for you to avoid the name because it’s still close to home for me and it would be hard considering how close we are.

If you used the name now I wouldn’t say anything because it’s your decision and I actually would respect that, it was just the comment “she isn’t my grandmother…” that I found disrespectful and it hurt me basically, not the fact you like the name.

I’m just posting so people don’t get the wrong idea.

5

This is confusing. So apparently you can’t use the name of somebody else’s grandmother because it’s painful for them to think of her? But that’s just silly and irrational. It’s not your grandmother, plus the original full name is [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f], so I don’t see any reasons why your choice is disrespectful by any means. I feel like your friend is overreacting and just looking for a way to start an argument.

6

I think she is being silly…but it’s very possible she wished to use [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]/[name_f]Betty[/name_f] for her own child to honor her grandmother. Have you ever spoken to her about it? Maybe she feels you’re “stealing” a name that holds very special meaning to her. It may be better in the long run for you to move on from [name_f]Betty[/name_f]/[name_f]Betsy[/name_f] etc and mend your friendship. Sometimes when we lose someone we love (like a grandmother) it can make us do very irrational things and say things we regret out of emotion and grief. It may be best if you just drop it…there is no sense spoiling a friendship over a name, there are so many other beautiful ones! :slight_smile: