[name_f]Ellie[/name_f] came home from school a couple of weeks ago with an invite to a friend’s birthday party, to go to the cinema and then go to Pizza Hut. I initially told her she could go, presuming an adult would be with the group at all times. A couple of days ago I discovered that the child’s mother would be taking them to the cinema, leaving them there to watch the film and then meet them after to walk them to the restaurant where they would be on a table on their own. The cinema and restaurant are in a big shopping centre, and the mother will be doing her [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] shopping while the children are in the cinema. My daughter is nine, one of the oldest in her class due to when her birthday falls. Some of her friends are eight.
The birthday girl’s mother doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with leaving a group of six eight and nine year olds on their own in a busy shopping centre close to [name_u]Christmas[/name_u]. I know my daughter has to learn to be without an adult around all the time at some point, but I don’t think this is the best situation for it. Am I being overly paranoid or am I right to be reluctant to let her go if the children are unsupervised?
With the strange and disturbing events happening to children all the time, I would be concerned as well. Is there any way that you could go in her place and supervise the children when they’re in the cinema? If not and there won’t be a responsible adult present, I wouldn’t let her go either. The theatre may have rules regarding child supervision. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
I could, but I would have to take my two year old with me, as his father will be at work. I’m not sure how many of the other children’s parents are aware they will be unsupervised; the girl told her friends and it was only because I overheard [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] and one of the other girls who is going to the party talking about it on the way home from school that I found out. I asked the mother of the birthday girl about it the next day and she said that her daughter had asked if they could go to the cinema on their own, and she saw nothing wrong with it as they would be in the same place for two hours rather than walking around.
[name_m]Will[/name_m] there be a cell phone arrangement between the group and the occasionally supervising mother?
Does your child know what to do if things go wrong?
Is it a family friendly restaurant?
Are the other kids likely to get overexcited and do something reckless like wander off alone?
If it was a good group of kids who would look out for each other and were mature enough to understand some basic personal safety, who weren’t going anywhere there wasn’t a crowd and with a hotline to an nearby responsible adult, then it would be somewhat safer than without.
I’m not a parent so I actually don’t know what I’d do in your place. But is it a family/children’s movie- likely to be a lot of families, kids with or without their parents, around? [name_m]How[/name_m] safe is your city or town- it’d be much safer in a small town of 2000 where they could easily run into someone they know rather than, say, [name_m]New[/name_m] [name_m]York[/name_m] City or [name_u]London[/name_u].
Does [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] (or even another girl going) have an older cousin or something who could go with them, someone the girls would find “cool” and find it fun to have along? I remember how excited I was the first time I got to go somewhere without adults, even though I’m sure your kids love having you around! Check with the birthday girl and her mother first, of course. Or could you find a babysitter for your son?
I agree with you… I know that eventually we have to learn to let our kids do things on their own, but I also think 9 in a bit too young. 12 maybe. Double digits at least. To me it feels like the mother is just trying to ditch the kids to get her shopping done.
Nope. I’d hope it would cause a rift in the friendship too as that will be the mother buying them booze then leaving them alone at parties when they’re 14. Totally irresponsible. [name_u]Read[/name_u] the book ‘[name_f]Queen[/name_f] Bees and Wanabees’ which is excellent on this type of quandary, the social pressures to be a cool parent and why you’ll never regret not going along with the herd on this stuff. 13 before lone cinema visits and even then you stay and have a coffee in the lobby with a book.
I wouldn’t let her go either. Not at nine. That is too young. [name_m]Even[/name_m] at thirteen I would sit in the back of the theatre. You’re not being over paranoid. This is the world we live in now.
@norbury- I hardly think that’s fair. There are lots of bad parents with wonderful children, and lots of bad children with wonderful parents. (I’ve known some of both) I actually thought to myself when I first saw this that a good friend would be understanding if the OP’s daughter can’t go.
If you really want to assume the friend has a terrible mother, that girl may certainly need support from her friends later on in life to deal with family issues. Not that I want to make any assumptions about the mother myself. Sorry if I got you wrong, Norbury.
I think I’ve said enough about this- sorry for the digression.
I definitely wouldn’t let my daughter go. I live in a small town and I would still be very uncomfortable with it. I would sit at home worrying the whole time! I agree that even at 13 I would probably be in the back of the theatre. Hopefully another mother can offer to accompany the girls to the theatre so your daughter can still go and have it be safe.
Not a parent, but I wouldn’t leave a 9 year old unsupervised in a theatre. The table on their own in a restaurant isn’t AS bad, as I’m assuming the mom would have to be there to pay and such. [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] time in a shopping center is INSANE even when the parents are supervising the children. [name_m]Just[/name_m] way too many unknowns.
I would be concerned, but wouldn’t automatically rule it out.
I think it would be acceptable (depending on the group of children, size of the movie theater, etc.) for the mother to go to the theater with the girls, explain to the ticket person it’s their first time watching a film alone and she’d like to be sure they get into the theater ok, walk them to the specific movie, and knowing the time the film will end, meet them at the ticket check as soon as it’s over. Also, provided at least one of the girls has a cell phone (and I’d leave my daughter with one, as well).
I wouldn’t be comfortable if it was a very, very large theater, a movie later in the evening or an adult movie, or if the girls have been known to get a bit rowdy or overwhelmed/overstimulated together. I’d be much more worried about the girls getting into trouble (kicked out for being too noisy, wandering into another movie instead) then any kind of predators or something. Or if you had a very absentminded, wandering-prone kid, I wouldn’t trust it. But if your daughter is mature for her age, able to handle herself even in the excitement of a group, etc. I think it’s ok.
I was 11 the first time I saw a film with friends and no adults at the theater, and when I was younger I’d be allowed to watch a film with a friend while my parents caught a different film on the same schedule.
So from a teenager’s perspective…
I wouldn’t let the kids go alone, but maybe you could let them all sit together and just go sit at the back of the theater with your son, somewhere you could see them, and if they really tried they could see you too, but far enough away that it feels like they’re on their own. Maybe you could follow them to the restaurant, and once you were sure they were in safely, then leave them and get your own table somewhere else in the restaurant?
Talk to the other parents and see how they’re feeling. Maybe one other parent feels the same way and you could do the movie, and they could do the restaurant sort of thing?
I am not a mother yet but I definitely think 8 or 9 years old is a little too young to be at the movies by themselves. I would probably not allow my daughter to go.
@bonfireazalea I didn’t think I said anything to imply the child was awful, just that I don’t want those parents looking after my child, they can come to my strictly supervised home any time they want. I also foresee some big future problems of peer pressure if ‘everyone else is doing it’ so I would be relieved if that friendship group grew apart.
This is how I feel about it too. My concern isn’t from predators or anything but from kids being kids and causing their own trouble.
Could you compromise a s drop her off for lunch? It sounded as if the mother would be in the restaurant but at a separate table that seems appropriate to me for 8 and 9 year olds.
I’m not sure where you live, and that might make a different, but wee I am in the Northeast U.S. that wouldn’t even be considered. Twelve-year-olds might do this, but even then the mother would stay in the parking lot. Nine is way too young!
Hopefully another mother can offer to accompany the girls to the theatre so your daughter can still go and have it be safe.