We are ttc, so I’ve been going over our lists and really honing-in on potential names. Our front-runner at the moment is [name]Desmond[/name] [name]Walter[/name]. [name]Walter[/name] was my grandfather’s name. We like this because 1.) DD’s mn is after DH’s grandmother and it would be a neat trend to continue; 2.) my grandpa was the only one of my grandparents DH met, and they both grew very fond of each other; 3.) it’s just a great name.
The problem: my brother and his wife floated around the name [name]Walter[/name] for their first son, because not only was it the first name of our grandfather, it was the name of her grandfather, too. They ended up going with a different name, but I can’t shake the thought that I would be “stealing” their name. DH and I don’t reveal names before the baby is born, so asking them about it isn’t really something we want to do.
What do you think? Should we keep [name]Desmond[/name] [name]Walter[/name] in case we have a boy? Back to the drawing board?
I know you don’t like sharing names before birth, but I think the only way to resolve whether or not you’d be stealing their name was to ask them if they’d mind if you used it as a potential middle name. You wouldn’t need to tell them what the first name was or even that you’re definitely going to use it. [name]Just[/name] mention that you’re considering it and see their reaction. [name]Do[/name] you know if they plan on having more children? You know your relationship with the couple, but if I knew my brother and his wife liked a name and may still want to use it in the future, I wouldn’t feel comfortable using it without asking.
Nope, not stealing. Family names are just that - they are up for grabs by the whole family. Firstly, they considered the name and didn’t use it - this means it is fair game. Secondly, you are looking at using it in the second name spot, not the first, as i assume they were. Thirdly, if you use it in the second name spot, there is nothing stopping them using it as a first name or a middle name (I think this would be different if you were considering it as a first name, as [name]IMO[/name] that would limit them to using it as a middle name only).
It is totally up for grabs, has plenty of meaning for you too, and is off their reject list - definitely use it. However, the priviso is that you cannot get annoyed with them if they do use it - you had fair warning it is favourite of theirs, and you may have to accept a nephew with the first of middle name [name]Walter[/name] in the future.
Well, you’re using [name]Walter[/name] as a middle name. It’s not like they can’t use it as a first name later on down the road. In fact, it might be a neat bond between your son and his cousin (if your brother ever uses the name).
I believe that it’s not stealing a name, I mean your grandfather is the grandfather of [name]BOTH[/name] of you. People name there kids the same thing as other people all the time, I mean if I had tossed the name, let’s say, [name]Peter[/name], around, and didn’t use it, it would be more than my sister or brother’s right to be able to use it. [name]Don[/name]'t worry, there are only so many names that can be used, and there are so many people in the world with the same name. Especially if it was your grandfather’s name, I say go for it.
[name]Walter[/name] is a family name… it doesn’t seem like it would be fair for your brother to be able to use it to honor your grandfather, but not you. I mean, my sister “claimed” [name]Grace[/name] for her list, and I told her no way. [name]Grace[/name] is our grandmother’s MN and I have as much right to use it as much as she does. I don’t have a problem if we both use it, and hopefully your brother feels the same way. Is there a way you could ask him hypothetically? Like, “We have been considering using a family name we know you considered in the past, and we plan on using it,” or something, and see how he reacts. I don’t even think you need to ask permission in this case, though, since [name]Walter[/name] is your grandfather just as much as your brother’s!
They chose not to use it.
If you are close enough to them I would do as other pp suggested and just mention you are ‘considering’ it as a mn.
But seriously, family names are just that. You have the same right as them and they didn’t choose it.
I’ll ditto everyone else and say this seems completely fine. I just think it’s so interesting how generations shift - I look at my family tree and I swear every last man was [name]Henry[/name] or [name]Edward[/name] on one side and [name]Robert[/name] or [name]Jacob[/name] on the other with bazillions of uses and reuses and nobody batted an eye I assume : D, and I also think these were families where cousins saw each other more often than present day. Not praising either model as better than the other at all, it’s just interesting the change.
I also agree that it is not stealing. You had the name in mind before you knew they were thinking of it, and it has as much meaning to you as it does to them. If it meant that much to them, I think they would have used it to begin with. And if they were to use it in the future, I see nothing wrong with that.
Definitely not stealing, though I agree that you might want to at least tell them if that’s the route you’re going to take. I have two cousins named [name]Michael[/name] and it has never been an issue. Plus, middle and first names aren’t the same. I don’t even know all of my cousins’ middle names. [name]Desmond[/name] [name]Walter[/name] is a fantastic name!