And you think I should be good at that why? thread

I really didn’t know what would be a good title for this thread. Have you ever been in a situation where someone has asked you if you can do something for them with no good reason as to why they would assume you would be good at it other than your gender, or age, or some other stereotype?

For me it’s definitely been the assumption that as a girl/woman I can cut hair. More times than I can count on one hand, and especially recently since salons shut down due to COVID, I’ve been asked to cut/style hair. Mostly by guy friends who just assume the lack of a Y chromosome means I must be good at it.

2 Likes

Ha! Okay mine is that I’m younger and that I should understand teenager problems. Like I seriously had a lady say something ( I can’t even remember now) but it was something along the line of friends and phones and she said something like ” Oh! well of course you would know all about that” it was so rude to what we were talking about and it was another thing she said that had annoyed me so I said something rather smart back( to which she didn’t even understand🙄)
Also the whole having a boyfriend thing has KILLED!! me for years. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because I am at a age to have a boyfriend does not mean that I do or even care to have one. Seriously that whole assumption about it makes me so annoyed! :angry: I’ve literally had people my whole life say it especially people who are acting so fake and have nothing else to say.
Or the assumption that since you live on a farm
( I do) you are a country bumpkin and have no clue on city life. I lived in a very large city [name_u]Dallas[/name_u],tx for years! So please people, just don’t.:wink:
And I’m going to give away another one that angers me.
Because I’m a woman I’m supposed to be good at domestic jobs ie cooking, cleaning, housework.
I’m sorry everyone but I’m just not! I can cook semi well and cleaning is not my strong suit so I hope my future husband is prepared for that when I do find the right guy.:laughing:

4 Likes

@JoyfulWriter I will have to reply more later as I need to step away for a bit, but you’re last comment triggered me :slight_smile: about sewing in particular and also like I have encyclopedic knowledge on how to remove certain stains from items of clothing. I need to Google like everyone else :slight_smile:

2 Likes

I so forgot about sewing. I’ve got a family a sewers my sister, mom, grandmother, and my brother is good at it as well!:joy: Me not so much. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom has seriously tried teaching me, how to iron and fold the edges and then sew it. I’ve tried learning but I seriously struggle. But I guess if Covid lasts forever and I’m stuck in a house I might be able to piece something together enough to wear it lol.

1 Like

Because I play piano everyone always assumes I can play Fur [name_f]Elise[/name_f] and famous songs. I can play Fur [name_f]Elise[/name_f] now but for years people were pressuring me, family and others, to play it. [name_u]Piano[/name_u] is hard for me, yes, even though my younger sister is ahead of me even though she started after me. I am not good at everything she is!

That just because I’m a girl or I’m younger or something I can’t carry things or open jars and stuff. Heck, my mother and sister ask me to open things and lift heavy things for them!

That just cause I love reading and especially reading very very old and classics I have read like the few most famous books I haven’t read and then they act like I should have read them even though I have read wy more books that they don’t even care about. ANd that I have to want to read the books they reccomend or love all classics just because I love most of them.

That just because I like science I should be a great science student and be able to ace every test. THe same things with history and every class I say I like except english or literature for some reason. It’s so hard people!!!

2 Likes

@JoyfulWriter as I get older I am dreading the ‘are you going steady?’ / ‘when are you getting married?’ questions from some family members.

And the domestic thing just sometimes feels it will always be there. I can sew, but it doesn’t mean I enjoy sewing buttons. I did make a bunch of masks for people early on and that felt productive and helpful but having to do repairs is so much more a chore :slight_smile:

I do enjoy cooking sometimes, but again it’s the difference between wanting to do it for enjoyment vs the expectation of having to do it.

I’ve never been bothered by the question of “ when are you getting married” since no one has ever been worried about that with me. I mean I will get probably get married eventually but it’s not a current concern I have. The only thing I’ve been bugged about is don’t marry too young( like my mom and a few other relatives).
Really? Buttons bother you? I actually enjoy sewing tons of buttons to things, but only if it’s not a chore.
With the cooking I don’t feel as if I’m unequipped but I definitely cannot cook like my mother, but if I had to I have enough experience not to worry luckily.
I don’t know how old you are but what about the whole “ going to college” thing.
I’ve decided not too (pre covid btw) since none of my careers need to have useless degrees so I’m going to take those extra 4 years to get my life started. Luckily both of my parents are in my side and can see where I’m coming from. But other friends and family don’t and I’m being pressured to since they believe I must got to college to get a good job. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though the thing that might be best for me is to not go.:wink:

@EJpuddlejumper I am completely non musical despite my mom’s best efforts :slight_smile: So can we say “Play it again EJ” in a cheesy [name_m]Humphrey[/name_m] [name_m]Bogart[/name_m] imitation? :slight_smile:

I can relate a bit to the opening and carrying things, but being of average height, or slightly under, it frustrates me when people push things too far back on shelves. I like to be independent and so having to ask people not to do that makes me more self conscious about having to ask when really I think they should just be more considerate up front. And then there is the opposite. Being I am a bit smaller and a woman it’s assumed I have smaller fingers and so I should have more dexterity, right? So I can be asked to do the tricky thready type things which we all know can be a frustrating experience.

I suppose, thinking about it, there are some gender and age based assumptions about things like books and movies. People are surprised I like old black and white movies and film noir for some reason, or think I won’t like an exciting superhero movie. They may not make my top ten either but I like to have variety in my life, not be locked into narrow experiences.

2 Likes

Okay this is a kinda funny, kinda enraging story. In sixth grade, my english teacher told us we would be watching a movie in class. We had been doing a unit that was very… basic, and so I had gotten his permission to leave class every day to work on alternative assignments for the past few weeks. However, since we were watching a movie that day, I asked him if I could stay to watch the movie. He said “Okay, you could if you want to, but we’re watching Avengers: Age of Ultron.” I stared bluntly at him, so he continued “Well, you just don’t seem like you would be the type of person to want to watch that.” Now, I like superhero movies. I don’t love them, but they’re okay. I do prefer the individual ones to the avengers, but they’re all fine. However, back then, I hadn’t seen the first avengers and basically knew nothing about the marvel universe. But because he said that, I decided to stay anyway just to prove him wrong because that was SUCH a rude and presumptuous comment. So I watched a movie that i had no idea about the background of, projected by a weak projector and hard to hear because all of the noise of my classmates (watching movies at school is generally more trouble than its worth). It may be petty, but I don’t care.

4 Likes

There’s also the opposite :disappointed: When people assume you’re not good at something/ can’t do something due to assumptions. For example, I think people can often assume that I’m stupid because I’m quiet or weak-willed if I’m polite lol. Then when you’re not they’re like: :scream: ?? So annoying !

3 Likes

@ferix08 I think you are like my sister. She is very quite and mild in public, but at home she is full out and when someone sees her as her opposite personality there like :scream: too. Besides most people are very stereotypical about things, like stupid because your quiet( like you said) or that because of age, gender, or other factors people base their reactions and opinions off of that instead of actually getting to know a person and realising we’re all more complicated than just to be stereotyped.:blush:

3 Likes

@dogs_books that’s so funny and enraging, yes! Growing up, one of the best motivators I had was being told that I wouldn’t be able to do something. [name_f]My[/name_f] Dad instilled in me this attitude of at least trying before you say you can’t sort of thing and how can you say you won’t like something if you never tried it (especially when it came to food :slight_smile: ).

3 Likes

@ferix08 I know what you mean. It’s not the same as @JoyfulWriter but because I am from the [name_u]South[/name_u] people from the [name_u]North[/name_u] say/assume I talk slower and perhaps it’s implied I think slower. Actually it’s because I think before I speak :slight_smile: People can also assume that quieter people are moody or upset with something I find.

1 Like

@JoyfulWriter I agree and I am definitely more open and full out when with close family than say out with strangers. It’s very situational.

@JoyfulWriter Absolutely true :slight_smile:
@Hypatia_Hellene Yes! Again, very annoying :disappointed: I do sympathise in both case scenarios, but I do think both are wrong and that we should attempt to rectify that sort of thing if we notice that we’re doing it :slight_smile:

I’m from the south too! And I do agree it is implied about the southern drawl. Which is because we usually try to say things in the most sugar coated way possible. It’s the whole “Bless his heart”. Whereas in the north they’re a bit more in your face and mean exactly what they say.
No offence to northerners! They think southerners drawl ( we do, or at least I do!:joy:) and southerners think the northerners are rude and abrasive. It’s just how we say things.

And @Hypatia_Hellene I am very close with some of my friends and are very open with them whereas with strangers I just kinda play along and don’t open up much.:slight_smile:

1 Like

@ferix08 I am also an only-child and an INTJ, so I am quite comfortable being alone, so while I do enjoy being around friends and people, it also drains me (as compared with very social people who get energized by it). I am also a bit shy until I get to know people. It’s easier to communicate in forums like this than face to face, and this sounds horrible perhaps but it’s easier to step away for a while from a forum when chatting with people and get some alone time as opposed to in person where people ask “what’s wrong?” just because you need a few minutes alone to regroup.

1 Like

@Hypatia_Hellene I totally relate! I used to be a lot more social but I find it difficult these days. What about you? Were you more social in your younger years?

@ferix08 I think I went through a wanting to be more social than I could phase to a loner phase and now I am pushing myself to be more social again.

@Hypatia_Hellene

That makes sense. I guess it can be so difficult sometimes, to be a loner-type, because most people in Western society (and other societies) value being social. I think it’s a bit unfair really. I think one of the worst types of situations is when people get defensive about you not being social lol. I’ve found that as a woman I am expected to be bubbly and cheerful with other females more than my male counterparts which is very irritating :-/ Also not being social w/ others =/= hostility!

I guess the important thing to remember is that it’s okay to not be very social - and of course, if you feel like you’d like to talk to people more, that’s also alright :slight_smile:

1 Like