For those of you who have your name set in stone before the baby is born, are you keeping the name a secret until after the birth?
We got a VERY bad reaction to our first son’s name ([name]Sebastian[/name]) from both sides of the family, which we announced after we found out his sex at our 20-week ultrasound. (We come from families of Joes, Mikes, and Johns, so “[name]Sebastian[/name]” was definitely an unusual choice in their eyes; they were also unaware of “[name]Sebastian[/name]”'s popularity these days.) Thankfully, DH and I kept the name regardless and everyone has grown to love it, and I honestly can’t think of a name that would suit him better.
We are not planning to find out our second baby’s sex ahead of time, and considering the poor reaction we got the first time, I’m hesitant to announce our boy/girl name choices ahead of time either. But I’m not sure if it’s better to give people a chance to get used to it if our name choice is not their cup of tea? I think my feelings would be endlessly hurt if my parents or in-laws wrinkled their noses at a name while we’re actually in the hospital introducing their newest grandchild to them.
I asked DH if he thought our family would bash a name when presented it along with a brand-new baby, and he said “Maybe not to our faces, but definitely in the hallway or during the car ride home.”
What do you think? Is it better to give people a chance to warm up to a name, or is it better to present “the whole package” when the baby is born?
I would advise you to keep the name a secret until after the birth. I’ve heard far too many sad stories of how families negative reactions have ruined “the perfect name” for couples. You had a similar reaction with [name]Sebastian[/name] (great name btw) so this time I think you should try the opposite strategy. Good luck!
Save it. [name]One[/name] so that in case they don’t like it, you can view your child with that name before defending it and before everyone else falls in love with it anyways (because they will). Two, which is what I tell everyone WHAT IF the name doesn’t suit the child? my aunt chose the name [name]Tiana[/name]-[name]Lynn[/name] for we daughter when she was a teen. Never was a doubt in her mind. Her first child was a boy, number two was a girl and it was the name planned all along. Everyone called the baby [name]Tiana[/name] (whic is similar to my name but we loved it anyways). Then after the birth, everyone was getting to know each other in the room and she and my uncle instantly agreed it won’t work. Within minutes they decided on [name]Stefany[/name], a name they had never previously discussed. I am a firm believer in never fully comitting to a name before hand. You can chose but don’t make it official until your baby is born or you will be left with a lot of gifts with the wrong name
@mischa and @tinabina, I tend to agree but I would hate for that moment in the hospital to be soured, and that’s what I’m most afraid of. I don’t want to look back on my first moments with my son/daughter and remember arguing/defending the name to the grandparents instead of just being completely, blissfully happy.
ETA: If anyone has experience with saving a name announcement until after the birth, I’d love to hear how it went, especially if you had reservations the way I do.
We have a policy not to discuss names before the baby is born. Before a baby is born people feel they can give their opinion freely, or worse say “that’s the name I was going to give my future son/daughter” so you feel you can’t use it. When presented with a gorgeous newborn child the likelihood of negative reaction is reduced, too bad if they give their opinion to others in private later - there are thousands of names in the world and not everyone is going to like your particular choice! So long as you are happy that’s all that matters.
I’m on the other side of the fence than the majority here about this, but I think that keeping it a secret is a bit odd. I can’t imagine telling my mom, “oh we know what we’re going to name the baby, I’m just not going to tell you.” For me the name is a way to bond with the unborn baby.
Also, I would much rather hear any negative comments while pregnant than when dealing with the postpartum hormonal craziness. In my experience though, you won’t get many negative comments if you present the name as “This is what we’re naming the baby.” Versus “This is what we’re thinking about naming the baby.” [name]One[/name] invites criticism, and the other would be plain rude to negatively comment on.
To each their own though. It’s a very personal decision, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. [name]Just[/name] do what works best for you.
After, after, after! There will still be plenty of time over the course of the child’s lifetime for friends and family to buy personalized gifts for her/ him. Discussing options before seems fine to me, but if you’ve totally decided, I say wait until after. If they hate it, its their problem, not yours.
I’m relieved to see this thread and will keep checking back because I have the same dilemma! Between parents who like only super trendy & popular names to my very opinionated [name]MIL[/name], I’m scared that revealing a name will steal our joy if they don’t like it. I wish that I just didn’t care what they think or what people say about the name, but unfortunately that’s not the case.
Because of this, I’ve been advised to keep silent (by my 1 friend who I’ve told names to!) she says with her daughter she told and one person hated it and it is still something she remembers and makes her sad.
I think you have to have some kind of nerve to say a negative comment about a beautiful new baby!! :). So I’ll probably take this route to protect myself on not getting upset over reactions.
@ilovediamonds - Ugh, don’t even get me started, I hate “name reservers” lol, especially ones who aren’t pregnant at the time. I feel like whenever anyone announces a pregnancy they all come out of the woodwork. “I know I’m not pregnant or even in a relationship right now, but I’m planning on naming my kids (this) and (that), please don’t use them!” etc.
@meogan - saying “this is what we’re naming the baby” didn’t stop the criticism at all in our case, but then again we were still 20 weeks away from our due date at the time, so maybe they felt they had time to change our minds? Our families are extremely opinionated and have foot-in-mouth syndrome a lot of the time, so the conflict will be unavoidable unless I choose a name in the Top 5. I just need to decide when a better time for the conflict would be: during pregnancy or hours after the baby’s birth. Yuck to both options, ha ha!
@hayleysaunt - yeah, even discussing options beforehand makes me uneasy because I feel like it gives people room to push their own agenda. When I announced our first son’s name, one of the first comments we got (after “ugh” ) was “what else were you considering?” Luckily, we weren’t considering ANY other names at all and knew our son would be a [name]Sebastian[/name] even before we were pregnant, but I feel that if I took that bait and gave them 2 or 3 other choices, they all would have said “Oh, go for (other name) instead.” etc.
@shutterbuglove - I’m really afraid that my family DOES have that kind of nerve, lol. Example: my [name]MIL[/name] criticized my dad’s “father of the bride” speech at my wedding in front of her entire family, said it was too long, “what was UP with that speech!?” etc. Extreme, extreme foot-in-mouth syndrome on both sides of the family, I’m afraid.
With our first two-we announced the names beforehand to family and few friends. No bad reactions-but I think our family knows not to expect the norm from us. With this pregnancy, we have decided not to say until we announce his birth to most. My parents know the name-his mother keeps wanting us to choose her pic-so that can wait. Mainly because everyone hounds us for the name. But maybe I can be bribed…
I never announce the name until the baby is born. I don’t want any opinions or suggestions. No one will say anything bad (or at least it would be very rude if they did) after the baby is born and the name is set in stone. Before though, everyone seems to want to give their two cents. I also don’t want anyone “stealing” the name I’ve chosen. Most of my friends also keep the name to themselves for the same reasons.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and advice. I think I’m going to keep our selections a secret this time around. I figure, if I announce the name beforehand, not only will I get the “ugh” comments but I might get the “why not name him/her (this) instead?” comments too. At least once the baby’s born and the birth certificate is filled out, they’ll know the deed is done and it’s pointless to suggest other names, and hopefully a cute little newborn will help them to mind their manners
I am going with you for this one!! This has inspired me. So glad you posted this. Nobody will steal my naming joy! ha And if they say something afterwards/in the hospital, people will probably think “seriously?” and be protective of you and the baby.
i’ve actually never known someone personally who has revealed the name beforehand. It’s your decision and if someone has the nerve to dislike a newborn’s name AFTER the birth, then they have some nerve. They might think whatever they think but it’s YOUR baby and YOUR moment and no one in their right mind should say a thing. I’d personally bop them on the head! Best of luck to you and btw, I adore the name [name]Sebastian[/name]!
We are expecting a baby in [name]May[/name], gender unknown. We won’t be announcing the name of the baby, until we can call everyone and say, “it’s a boy/girl and their name is _______”. We just prefer to have everything be a surprise, and as someone else already said, we don’t want any opinions/criticisms/suggestions. This is our child to name, and if friends or family don’t like the name, they’ll get over it, or they’ll get used to it!
This time we have not shared the name or any names that were serious contenders with family. This is the first time we have ever kept it a secret. It is driving my mother and grandmother crazy… but the reason, is b/c they have actually caused me in the past to dislike names I loved, with their negativity. Also with our flip flopping which it is bad enough I will have to explain to a few friends, I do not want to explain it to the entire family.
@Iro, I’ve often received baby shower invitations that say something like “Please join us at a shower in honor of [name]Jane[/name] [name]Doe[/name] as she awaits the arrival of her new baby boy [name]Joe[/name] Blow” or whatever. Actually I’ve only received one shower invitation where the baby’s name was NOT mentioned, but it was written on the cake at the shower.
The more I think about this, the more dangerous I find it, lol. Not only because there is the possibility of the parents deciding that the name doesn’t fit the baby after the birth, but also because ultrasounds are not 100% accurate a lot of the time, and receiving a bunch of personalized gifts would be really awkward in that case, ha ha. I have several male friends whose mothers were told that they were girls in utero!! (I’ve never heard of a girl being born when a boy was predicted though, so maybe it’s safer that way?)
) was “what else were you considering?” Luckily, we weren’t considering ANY other names at all and knew our son would be a [name]Sebastian[/name] even before we were pregnant, but I feel that if I took that bait and gave them 2 or 3 other choices, they all would have said “Oh, go for (other name) instead.” etc.
Nobody will steal my naming joy! ha And if they say something afterwards/in the hospital, people will probably think “seriously?” and be protective of you and the baby.