I’ve been trying to put my thoughts together on this in a concise way—not that it matters, because I am a fellow white. Speaking very personally & subjectively, my parents are both first-gen Americans, and when their parents arrived in the States, their respective cultures were not highly regarded or respected—so they conformed to the best of their ability. [name_f]My[/name_f] grandmother’s family changed their names. [name_f]My[/name_f] grandfather became a dock worker like many immigrants of his background for comfort, and when my grandmother and grandfather met, my grandmother was able to completely abandon her past and become fake Irish. We’ve been [name_u]New[/name_u] [name_m]York[/name_m] Irish ever since—fishing boats and firemen and bars and uncles all named Seanie, [name_u]Paddy[/name_u], and [name_u]Jackie[/name_u]. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom was horrified by her siblings taking those DNA test box sets because my grandmother made it pretty clear that they were who they were— and it didn’t matter what your blood said (lots of internalized hatred going on— but it does make sense for her time).
This is not an uncommon family history in the US. Because the dominant culture of assimilation has never really been kind to preservation. So how can you tell whether someone is entitled to a name from a different culture or not? I first became interested in names because I knew my grandfather was called [name_u]Jackie[/name_u], but on the back of all his childhood photos, his name was [name_m]Padraig[/name_m]. I don’t feel a strong connection to Irish culture outside of what I grew up practicing, but being able to know what came before was fascinating to me. And I learned — and kept learning. Looked elsewhere. I’ve said this a million times now, but names (and food culture) are such an excellent opportunity to learn.
And I think it’s okay if you learn, and love a name, and love what you learn, and then use the name because you have so much respect for the culture you’ve learned about. And I also think, at the end of the day, it’s not our business to judge strangers on their choices because we do not know them — and an interrogation is not exactly a good first impression, yk. Especially since most people just do their best.
The lines are blurred when you use a name specifically for its aesthetic value— perceived exoticism or sound quality. I use them as examples a lot, but Hawaiian names or names designed in the key of Hawaiian names—[name_f]Leilani[/name_f], [name_f]Meilani[/name_f], [name_f]Roselani[/name_f]. [name_f]Every[/name_f] time someone says “means flower of heaven— so pretty!” I feel icky. But I also recognize that’s me feeing uncomfortable on behalf of Native Hawaiians—when many are unconcerned by it (“[name_f]Aloha[/name_f] is for everyone”). It’s an emotionally charged issue—and being kind of impartial is difficult when we all want to be good and considerate people.
I don’t think there will ever be a clear cut answer to what’s appropriation and what’s appreciation, because everyone has different perspectives. I don’t think it’s fair to gate keep — mainly because the whole point of preserving culture is to pass it on —sure, to immediate descendants firstly, but we don’t exist in individual bubbles.
I love seeing people find new names from other cultures, because it’s almost impossible to not seek out more or accompanying history. We have so much information available to us that it would be upsetting if we didn’t take advantage of it. Nameberry’s descriptions on non-Western names honestly often trend pretty embarrassing, if not totally xenophobic 
. I rarely use the name search part of this site for that reason. So if the powers that be could maybe take a note and… fix that, especially since we continue to demonstrate dissatisfaction…!
And that wasn’t concise at all. So, tl;dr — cultural entitlement to names* is very not black and white and also just be respectful and willing to learn and hear feedback from natives of a culture and that’s all.
