I have been looking for names casually ever since joining Nameberry and have seen the word sibset used a lot. I have tried to find some names that would fit with my current son’s name, but have had a hard time. Mostly because I don’t like the name or my husband doesn’t like it. Some of the names that I currently like do not seem to fit with my son’s name at all. They are either from other cultures or they have different sounds.
What I was wondering is if it is okay to use a name that doesn’t really seem to fit with your other children’s names? Are people really going to wonder what happened between the two kids to change the naming styles? For example, if someone chose a really unique name for their first child but fell in love with a more classic, not as unique name for their second child, are they going to be looked at strangely?
Children are incredibly observant and sensitive. If one child’s name is radically different in style, tone or origin from everyone else in the family, that child might well feel slighted. If one child’s name alone is difficult to pronounce, clunky or otherwise ugly/unfashionable that child likewise might feel shunned or unwanted.
The average [name]Joe[/name], when encountering siblings named [name]Joseph[/name] and [name]Harper[/name], would say “great names! nice kids!” and not at all pause to think “wow, one of these is a classic name used in Jewish, [name]Christian[/name] and Muslim naming traditions for millennia, while the other is a literary surname of recent coinage.” But, when encountering children named Xanthippe, Polydemos, [name]Florencia[/name] and [name]Brayden[/name]… they’ll be like “hang on, what’s up with [name]Brayden[/name]?” Or, if one little girl in a group of sisters gets a heavier name ("[name]Arianna[/name], [name]Callista[/name], [name]Viviana[/name] and [name]Myrtle[/name]") people might unconsciously assume she’s the ugly duckling.
I think it is important for sibling names to flow well and match somewhat in style. But I also think this is a very subjective topic. Some people feel this way, others feel they do not care if they have different styles that might be considered mismatched. They just choose what they love and what feels like the right name for that child. Some people are very against “matchy” sibling names, or names starting with the same letter while some people like that. I tend to like names that have similarities. For example, my son’s name is [name]Cuyler[/name]. I also like [name]Conner[/name]. (same starting letter and same ending suffix er) I don’t mind that at all, but when asking for advice a lot of people said they were too matchy for their taste. If the names are on opposite ends of the spectrum, like the above poster mentioned, it will definitely stand out more and may be more noticeable to the children. I always thought my name and my two sisters names were a little mismatched, but we all always got compliments on them growing up. My older sister and I have “A” names and my younger sister didn’t and she did say that bothered her some when she was a young girl. She never cared for her name anyhow. She is fine with it now and wouldn’t ever change her name.
I think it’s important. I always kinda gawk when I hear of a sibset that is drastically mismatched…kind of like “What happened there?” I think fitting sibsets emphasis harmonious feelings, and a family feel. I could never have a [name]Gwendolen[/name] and an [name]Aaliyah[/name], just feels wrong. lol
I think that it doesn’t stand out to most people as much as it does to many people here. I know of three girls named [name]Hunter[/name], [name]Stella[/name], and [name]Ellie[/name], which (I think) is a set that hits you over the head with how mismatched (I’d think [name]Hunter[/name] was definitely a boy) and yet too matchy ([name]Ellie[/name] should be [name]Stella[/name]‘s nickname, not her sister) their names are. But if they were [name]Hadley[/name], [name]Estelle[/name], and [name]Emily[/name] (what I would consider a modern surname, foreign classic, and Top 10 girls’ name), I don’t think most people would think twice (perhaps to wonder a bit how normal-sounding [name]Emily[/name] got in the bunch…).
People have different criteria for what makes them love a name: matching a sibling’s name’s style, finding a nice meaning or a personal meaning, sound flowing, previous associations, nostalgia, etc. Ultimately, I think finding a name that you absolutely love and both agree on is most important. If you can hit some of the other marks (esp. the ones that are important to you), then all the better.
I don’t think so, I have a lot of half siblings and while I wasn’t raised with them when I was little they’ve always been together and because they have different Moms their names range from [name]Bristol[/name], to [name]Isaac[/name], [name]Matthew[/name] and one of them has the mn Goodspirit. None of us have ever thought it was weird that we had different names or expected because we have different mothers they were just our names.
The truth is I think for the most part kids could care less about having names that go well with their siblings, it’s the parents who need to come up with a set which is understandable but I don’t think it’s as important as it’s made out to be.
I don’t think sibsets matter as much as many Berries emphasize, but I do like it if names stylistically fit together. I mean, I like frillier names like [name]Liliana[/name], but more classic names like [name]Eleanor[/name], but I still think they fit together, you know? And I would use French names (like [name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Arianne[/name]) next to Greek names (like [name]Eleni[/name] and [name]Sophia[/name]) and Italian names (like [name]Aurora[/name] and [name]Liliana[/name] and [name]Giovanna[/name]). And yet, they still work together, imo, you know? I think you can mix and match from different styles and it’ll still work. When I ask for suggestions for something that would work next to my favorites (like a sibling for [name]Isabelle[/name]), I get suggestions for some of the names that I hate the most, lol (like [name]Beatrice[/name] and [name]Nathaniel[/name]! Ugh! So not for me), and yet, when I post my lists, people tell me my lists work really well together and that I have a unique style, like the way I put names together? I don’t know, haha. I think it more matters if you like the names together rather than if other people think they’re stylistically a great fit.
My name is [name]Jessica[/name], sister [name]Torri[/name]. I frequently wish I had a name like my sister - short, spunky, and rarely used. I was always jealous of her name growing up, but I was jealous of basically everyone not named [name]Jessica[/name]. I think it is something to consider.
I think it looks awkward and could potentially make one sibling jealous of the other, like if you have a [name]Sarah[/name] and a [name]Nova[/name]. [name]Sarah[/name] is going to be jealous because [name]Nova[/name] would have the “cooler” name, while she shares a name with about 5 other people.
It depends. I do think some names don’t fit well for siblings. I thought it didn’t matter (unless they rhymed weird or something) but thinking about it I always think it is weird when siblings name don’t match. Maybe all girl’s name match (naming style) and boy’s name match (naming style)… But it is personal, I guess.
Like the pp’s have said, I guess it really depends on the names and how drastically different they are. I think another factor is the reason behind choosing the name. For instance, if you choose a super-popular name because you like the sound of it, and then choose a really rare name because it has special meaning to you, that to me is more mismatched than choosing a popular name and a rare name because they both have special meaning. Also, I think a “sib-set” matters more within genders, so it’s more important for the names of all the girls or all of the boys in the family to go together than the names of the girls and boys to fit well. I have a very different naming style for girls than I do for boys. In the end though, I think if you love a name, you should use it! I hope that all makes sense, it feels kinda rambly.
In my family, I’ve got a very rare name (barely on the SSA list) while my siblings all have names in the Top 100. It doesn’t bother me, and as far as I know, it doesn’t bother them either.
For me, I think its kinda important. But then again some people would say I have a mismatch of names and others would say they flow perfectly. 2 of my children have slightly uncommon names, [name]Eliska[/name] and [name]Murphy[/name] and 2 of my children have slightly more common names, [name]Gabriel[/name] and [name]Scarlett[/name]. Im not really sure my where my 3 child, [name]Naomi[/name], would fit in the pack. But my husband and I both really love the names and I think at the end of the day, as long as the names are too different (e.g. [name]Mary[/name] and [name]Nevaeh[/name]) then I think it is perfectly fine!
I think the sibset issue is more of a consideration when there may be more than two children in a family. For example, a sibset of two – [name]Catherine[/name] and [name]Willow[/name] – is just a situation of two different name styles. No one feels ‘left out.’ However, when a third daughter is added, say the sibset now consists of [name]Catherine[/name], [name]Willow[/name], and [name]Winter[/name], it is very likely that [name]Catherine[/name] is going to feel like the odd one out. So, while some people might notice the different style of two names ([name]Catherine[/name] and [name]Willow[/name]), it does not automatically impact the sisters’ feelings about themselves; therefore, it’s not a critical issue. However, when one child among three or more siblings has a notably different type of name, it does have a risk of affecting how that child feels, which is something to consider. I do think it can work if the parents are sensitive to the situation. In the case of [name]Catherine[/name], [name]Willow[/name], and [name]Winter[/name], if [name]Catherine[/name] learns that there was something super special about her name in the eyes of her parents that led to their choosing it for her, it can go a long way to mitigate any negative feelings she might otherwise have for being different from her sisters.
Note to namelover218: Congratulations on your twins! You may wish to add your children’s names to the following thread if you have not yet done so: “Most Popular Names of Nameberryite’s Kids” Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums
Thanks for the responses. I agree with what everyone has said. Who knows what names we will use but the names we do have on the list are special to us so hopefully our children will love their names and the significance that they have.
When I hear people that have a sibset that has a different style per kid if makes me wonder what style they like and/or go for. But then I think of me and my style, I can totally understand that! I never know if I’ll like a name or not until I hear it. I like some traditional, some modern, etc. The site that’s been posted here once or twice that tells you your style has me liking all but 1 of the categories, which I can totally see and agree with!!
Yes, people may notice the different styles, but it’s not a huge problem most of the time. I do think it’s odd when you hear [name]Harper[/name] and [name]Sarah[/name] as sisters. [name]Harper[/name] being more trendy and [name]Sarah[/name] more traditional, some may say boring. [name]Both[/name] lovely names, just different styles. But then I chalk it up to either each parent has a different style that they like and each one picked a different kids’ name. Or that the parents like many styles and just picked names that they liked. Nothing wrong with it either way!
The longer answer… it depends. I think that there’s a fine line to walk that has a lot more to do with fairness to each child than any sort of “theme.” You don’t want [name]Magdalena[/name] to feel left out with siblings [name]River[/name], [name]Spring[/name] and [name]Clover[/name], and you don’t want [name]Jo[/name] to feel like she got gypped in the naming pool next to her twin [name]Seraphina[/name].
I say keep it fair by sticking to any precedents set, or set no precedents purposefully. Meaning… if you’re going to choose an unusual and striking name for kid #1, don’t go polar-opposite for kid #2… or vice versa. People can suffer from name regret over their first choice then “take it out” on the second (I knew an '80s-born [name]Katie[/name] [name]Jo[/name] whose '90s-born sister got [name]Guinevere[/name] [name]Arista[/name]).
In my mind, it’s not about a “set” at all, in fact the idea of a “set” leaves a bad taste in my mouth. They are individuals. That said, sibling rivalry is a tough, tough thing and giving an unfairly _______ (fill in with your choice: unusual, frilly, beautiful, strong, whatever) to one child is asking for trouble.
All that said, my favorite boys’ name is as familiar as [name]David[/name] and all my favorite girls’ names are practically unheard of. I think as long as there’s a gender line it makes it easier, but we shall see…
Honestly, I think most names go together just fine. I don’t think you have to be very matchy with sibsets, but I do think that some names just feel completely out of left field. I also think it’s less of an issue when it’s only your second child because you don’t have established patterns. If you had multiple children and they all fit in the same naming box but then you named baby #5 something radically different then they might feel left out when older.
I like for my kids names to have a similar ‘feel’ but do not think its needed or anything. Not a big believer in kids feeling "left out’ because of their names…unless my DH gave our first DS his name and our 2nd DS a version of his name and then for son #3 went with something not related to his name. That sort of thing might upset, but anything else goes.
If I named by current baby [name]Emma[/name] [name]Grace[/name] or [name]Aiden[/name] [name]Michael[/name], yeah, would totally be “not fitting” in with the other kids, however, I do not think she or he would feel left out because of their name. As into names I am, kids seem to not be huge into it as much as we think they are, or, at least my kids do not seem to be as “into” what names match or ‘go together’ with their friends.
