We have twin boys due in [name]April[/name]. We are essentially decided on names at this point, just wanted to get some feedback from those moms and dads out there who use their child’s MN as their NN. (Not looking for other name suggestions at this point…
I really prefer more formal classic first names with nicknames, but our chosen first names don’t have NN that I love, so our decision has been to give more “fun” MN and the boys will “go” by the MN for the most part. Gives them more options later.
Names: our older son ([name]James[/name] [name]Henry[/name]) goes by [name]Jay[/name]. The twin boys will be [name]Edward[/name] [name]Andrew[/name] (nn [name]Drew[/name]) and [name]Charles[/name] [name]Oliver[/name] (nn [name]Oliver[/name]).
Any feedback related to if this becomes an annoyance for the child (in school, etc.?) would be great!
I’m not a parent of this but my aunt used her kids mn for their given name most of the time. It was confusing because family members (besides the parents) would call the person by their first name (like the grandmas, cousins) while everyone in their school called them by their middle thinking it is their first (not knowing it was a nickname or the middle). It was a little odd cuz it wasn’t exactly the closest ppl to them that would call them by their nickname, like I usually think of it. And then when the two world met people would be talking about them not sure if it is the same person. [name]Just[/name] something to think about.
My daughter’s name is [name]Grace[/name] [name]Patricia[/name] and while [name]Grace[/name] is a beautiful name, it reminds me of being really sick during my pregnancy and I prefer not to use it. One of the best ways we introduced calling her by a middle name to family and friends was to call her “[name]Gracie[/name] [name]Pat[/name]”. The family was acclamated to calling her at least partially by her middle name, so this made the transition to calling her [name]Patsy[/name] much easier. A lot of the family calls her by different nns like [name]Gracie[/name], [name]Gracie[/name] [name]Pat[/name], [name]Patty[/name], [name]Patsy[/name], [name]Pat[/name], [name]Trixie[/name], [name]Tricia[/name], [name]Gray[/name], [name]Grace[/name] Face, [name]Honey[/name] [name]Grace[/name] (I think every person calls her something different).
If I need to introduce her to someone new, I usually call her [name]Grace[/name] [name]Patricia[/name] nn [name]Patsy[/name]. However, this is only to someone who needs to know her formal first name (like a teacher), otherwise I’ll just call her [name]Patsy[/name]. She knows her full name, and when someone asks it, she usually gives her first, middle, and last name. Most teachers ask if there is a name that she would like to be called, so as long as your boys want to be called [name]Drew[/name] and [name]Oliver[/name], they’ll say it.
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, although it’s not something I personally would do without a good reason.
My mom goes by her middle name, and other than some of her “official” mail, once she tells people she is called [name]Ellen[/name], that’s what people call her. She did hit a phase one year in high school where she went by her first name, but then she switched back. I figure some day my daughter is going to do that and try to go by her middle name for awhile. I often call her by it anyway.
As a high school teacher, I have lots of students who go by things other than their “real” first name. Whether it’s [name]Kaytlin[/name] called [name]Kady[/name] or [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] called [name]Betsey[/name] or [name]Alexander[/name] [name]Jacob[/name] called A.J. or [name]Lawrence[/name] [name]Richard[/name] III called [name]Trey[/name] or even someone who goes by a nick that has nothing to do with their name, everyone rolls with it really quickly. Most of the other kids don’t even realize that it isn’t their first name.
I do occasionally get a student who goes by two names. Last year I had a [name]Richard[/name], that had picked up the nickname [name]Chad[/name] in high school. Depending on where you knew him from, who he was around, etc., he would be called by either name. It was rarely a problem (although the one parent/teacher conference was kind of weird with some teachers and his mom saying [name]Richard[/name] and other teachers saying [name]Chad[/name]).
My cousin’s daughter is [name]Amelia[/name] [name]Lucy[/name]. Dad calls her [name]Lucy[/name], mom calls her [name]Amelia[/name], family and friends call her whichever they want. She’s 5 and prefers [name]Lucy[/name], so that is what she writes on her papers at school.
My son is named [name]Michael[/name] [name]Edward[/name] after my DH’s deceased father and grandfather. We already had a nephew who used the nn of my FIL’s name ([name]Mickey[/name]) so we went with “[name]Ted[/name]” from [name]Edward[/name] (all this 8 plus years ago before Twilight!)
We got a lot of “where’s ya get the [name]Ted[/name] from?” And I had to gently point out that [name]Ted[/name] is a legitimate nn for [name]Edward[/name]. Took a while.
As for school, we had to fill out a form when he started kindergarten but everything was labeled [name]Michael[/name] anyways! It usually just takes one time for me to tell someone and they get it (doctors offices are accustomed to different names). I get more people spelling my name incorrectly ([name]Lesley[/name] NOT [name]Leslie[/name]) than I have problems with his name!
Go for it - good luck!!
Thanks for your replies! The names feel right to me,and I think we are set! I don’t think it will be a big deal at all. I like having consistency for the 2 boys. Originally, we were thinking [name]Oliver[/name] [name]Charles[/name],and it seemed strange to me to call one baby by MN and the other by his first. Maybe that’s silly, but this seems more balanced.
I’m neutral on the issue in general, but in your case since your (first and middle) choices more or less meet your “classic” criteria and there are no “flow” issues I’d suggest just going ahead and putting the name you’d use up front (barring any other issues that you haven’t mentioned). I don’t think you need to be “consistent” either like you mentioned. (By the way, [name]Oliver[/name] is one of my favorites for a boy and [name]Oliver[/name] [name]Charles[/name] is on the list of combos I’d consider if I were to use the name for a boy.)
I don’t feel strongly either way, but if you know up front that you want to call them [name]Drew[/name] and [name]Oliver[/name], I would put those names in the first spot (why make it more confusing than it needs to be…but maybe it isn’t confusing in real life to go by a mn, I don’t know from personal experience). [name]Andrew[/name] [name]Edward[/name] (nn [name]Drew[/name]) and [name]Oliver[/name] [name]Charles[/name] sound great!
I don’t have children yet, but just thought I throw in my two cents - hope you don’t mind!
I agree with most everyone else that it’s not really that big of a deal - people will get used to it either way. [name]Just[/name] a thought… My mom has always gone by her middle name, and she never liked it - she thought it was a hassel with Dr. Offices, school, etc. Probably depends some on the child’s personality - my mom was shy, so to her it was probably more of a big deal to always be correcting people on what name to call her.
I think another poster already suggested this, but I wanted to second it as another good option… Since your first son is [name]James[/name] [name]Henry[/name], and goes by [name]Jay[/name] (a nn from his first name) - What about just naming the twins [name]Andrew[/name] [name]Edward[/name] nn [name]Drew[/name], and [name]Oliver[/name] [name]Charles[/name] ([name]Oliver[/name])? That way you still get the names you like, and then all three brothers are using their first name, or a nn from their first name.
[name]Just[/name] a thought… I think either way is just fine.
I also agree that people will adjust to whichever names you call your boys, or however the boys introduce themselves when they’re older. I come from a family where it was traditional to use the middle name as the ‘official’ name, although it wasn’t done in my case. But both of my brothers went by their middle names, as did many other members of my family. While it’s usually fine, it’s also important to note that we live in a culture that sees the first name as the official one, so it really can cause problems when it comes to getting government paperwork done, getting a passport, traveling to other countries, etc. It’s surprising what a headache it can be. My own grandmother wasn’t able to get a passport with her correct name on it - the officials insisted that her names had to be reversed. So instead of it saying '[name]Sarah[/name] [name]Mary[/name]", it read “[name]Mary[/name] [name]Sarah[/name]”. I also had an uncle who opted to simply switch over to using his unused first name because it was causing him a lot of trouble when it came time to enroll in the army. The army at that time wouldn’t accept a ‘middle name’ as your legal name. They may have changed since then. Anyway, I think these are things to consider, since a name is something you carry with you through life.
I don’t think it is a problem. I know a ton of people that go by their middle names. My mother, her sister, her nephew, three of my grandfathers, my nephew, and one of my best friends are just a few. I think it is really common to go by your middle name actually.
The only person that I know that had a problem with it is my friend. She goes by [name]Nikki[/name] (short for [name]Nicole[/name] obviously). When people would try to look her up on the work email system, they couldn’t find her because she was listed as [name]Helen[/name] N LASTNAME. She hates the name [name]Helen[/name] and actually had it legally changed when she got married. That solved the problem, but it was a big hassle to get everything changed over at work.
Firstly, I love your choice of names. There is nothing wrong with calling a child by their middle name, although it will be confusing. Especially if their first name is not known to them. You could try hyphenating them, for example [name]Charles[/name]-[name]Oliver[/name] or vise versa.
I agree that it’s not a big deal either way. I’m a little confused though, since [name]Oliver[/name] and (especially) [name]Andrew[/name] are classics in their own right. It’s not like naming one [name]Charles[/name] [name]River[/name] and calling him [name]River[/name], you know what I mean? I’m guessing you’re worried about what will look good for formal occasions, but you have nothing to worry about with [name]Oliver[/name] and [name]Andrew[/name]. I don’t think it’s detrimental in any way to use the middle name as the first name, but I just don’t see the point in adding confusion for no real reason, particularly in this case where the middle names are classics.
I think calling someone by their mn is a bit strange. DH goes by a nickname of his middle name…lol (yep a nickname based on his middle name). He has a family name so I guess it is easier to call him by his MN to keep confusion down. I don’t like the idea though…
I think it is best to just name kids what you want to call them.
I think its up to the child. There was a girl in my class who’s name was [name]Gail[/name] [name]Molly[/name]. By the time she was in 3rd grade some kid thought it would be funny to call her [name]Gay[/name] as a nn. That day on she demanded to be called [name]Molly[/name]. Her parents couldn’t do anything about it since it was her name and her choice.
My parents called my brother by his middle name his whole life. They chose the order for flow reasons, although they always wanted to use what is now is middle name. When he joined the military, they didn’t give him a choice or any option to say what name he could go by. They just go by whatever is your legal first name. Anyone he has met since he was 18 - military friends, college friends, work friends, girlfriends - all call him by his first name now. He said he stuck with it since it was less of a hassle than correcting people all the time. Our family is the only one who calls him by his middle name. When dh and I decided to have a baby, he repeatedly told me “[name]Just[/name] name the kid what you want to call it.” (He elaborated with some profanity, but I left that part out). He has a strong opinion on the whole topic.
I work in a large organization, and have encountered this problem multiple times - in those instances people usually introduce themselves (or are introduced by others) with their middle name, so I wasn’t aware it is not their first name. Then when I tried to email them, especially if they have a common last name, I was not able to locate them in the global email address book…
But when you children grow up, they might not even use email anymore
My husband is a [name]Jr[/name]., so he goes by his middle name to distinguish himself from his dad. It’s not really a problem; most people don’t even know it’s not his first name.
