Anyone else ever have a name related situation like this?
A couple who my husband and I are very close to are due with their first, a boy, next month. We’re extremely excited for them. At the shower last week, they announced his name - and therein lies my awkward situation, as the name just happens to be the same as my ex-fiancé’s. (My husband and I shared a VERY uncomfortable look.)
To give some background, the name is in the Top 20 now, but was much less popular when my ex and I were born - in the 300’s - and so he’s really the only person I’ve ever known or associated the name with. The couple doesn’t know my ex personally, as they were friends of my husband’s before they met me, but I have spoken about him on numerous occasions.
I suppose I can’t fault them for giving their son this name, since it’s so common now and it really is a handsome name, all associations aside. Still, though, I can’t shake the feeling that I will look at this precious little boy, my honorary nephew, and all I’ll be able to think about is my ex - and so will my husband! I really wish they’d chosen a different name.
Any thoughts, berries? Am I being ridiculous?
Its understandably awkward but it is a little ridiculous. I cant fault you for your initial reaction and mixed emotions though, Im sure most people would feel the same way. Give it a chance, let this baby become a new and better reminder of the name, also I wouldnt mention it to the parents if I were you.
OK I am going to “Dr [name]Phil[/name]” you:
You had a relationship in the past. Part of that time was GOOD. Parts of that guy was appealing- at least for a while. [name]Don[/name]'t focus on the faults that made you spilt and let it tarnish your thoughts about that relationship and therefore the name.
Instead remember the good times you had with your ex and let that be the image that goes with you meeting this new little boy.
Does that make sense? [name]Hope[/name] so.
I don’t intend on mentioning it to them - I have better manners than that - but it still does upset me. She and I had (I thought) become nearly best friends over the last few years, and I’ve confided in her about the severe emotional abuse from that past relationship, something that even my husband doesn’t know the full details of. She knows perfectly well what his name is and she apparently just didn’t care.
I know that this association is unfair to put on an innocent child, and I know that I’ll eventually get over it, but I mostly just wanted to get this out there and off my chest.
Totally get it. I hated the name [name]Steve[/name] and all it’s variants for a while after my ex-fiance and I broke up. Fortunately for me, I also have an uncle named [name]Steve[/name] so that positive association overpowered the negative one from my ex.
My manager at work is having a little boy and the first name she mentioned to me is [name]Jacob[/name]. I was teased mercilessly by a [name]Jacob[/name] in elementary school so it gave me pause, but now I look forward to it if she uses that name because I can just see her with a little [name]Jacob[/name]. And I’m going to be spending a lot of time babysitting this little man so it’s not too far fetched from your situation.
I second thetxbelle, when you meet this baby just be open minded. They didn’t name him after your ex specifically, as you said yourself it’s a very popular name now and you’ll probably meet lots of little boys with this name. So just relax and eventually the association will wear off and all you’ll think about when you hear the name is your honorary nephew.