I’m 26 and married summer 2014 …at first, I had no desire to have kids any time soon …UNTIL NOW! For the last few weeks, I have been thinking about it a lot. I have no idea why, it kinda happened out of nowhere. We thought we’d want to wait 3-4 years, and I was completely okay with that at first…now I’m suddenly feeling like that’s way too far away!
Our main concern is getting our debt completely paid off beforehand so that I am able to stay home. We just have student loans left thankfully, but we did the math the other day, and it’s still going to be a good 2.5 years before they are paid off completely. SIGH! At the rate I’m going, I just feel like it’s going to be hard to wait that long.
Did anyone else on here wait to reach a financial goal before TTC? Or did anyone compromise when it came to finances …as in you weren’t exactly where you wanted to be financially, but decided to try anyway? [name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to hear from some others!
Sometimes the desire to have a baby can be SO overwhelming. When DH and I did finances and I realized that it would be a few years I was so devastated. In my opinion though, I would suggest just paying off the debt. Debt is so stressful and you never know what unrelated expenses are going to come up during your pregnancy or even after you’ve had the child. Being a new parent can be stressful enough so why add the burden of debt to that? Plus it was your initial plan for a reason and it’s a good one, especially if you intend to stay at home which would cut your income down. I always go visit my best friends daughter when I have baby fever. It calms it down a bit
DH and I did a slight compromise though. We did the math and we may have to resign our lease 1 extra time before buying a home which was a prerequisite to having a baby since we would have the money in [name_u]July[/name_u] of 2017 but we have to resign the lease in [name_u]March[/name_u]. So our compromise was if we stay on track with the finances and have the bulk of the cash saved we will just resign the lease, save the rest and some extra during the lease, and just TTC while living at our rented home.
We didn’t really have any goals with our first but figured we’d wait awhile then changed our minds. It ended up taking eight months to get pregnant so I was kind of happy we didn’t delay it since it ended up that we got pregnant around the time we wanted originally. With my second we knew we had to wait until I was able to stay at home since two in daycare was almost my entire salary. It was tough waiting sometimes but looking back I’m go very glad we did wait since I got pregnant with her right away and I can’t imagine having kids any closer then mine (two years and three months apart).
If you don’t wait are you able to afford daycare and still pay off your student loans or would that money go to daycare? We only just paid off my husband’s student loans while expecting our third child but we were able to make regular payments even with having two kids and me not working after our second. Also perhaps you could compromise instead of waiting 2.5 years to start TTC start TTC after two years or something?
When are you guys planning on trying? I’m glad someone else is in a similar boat. I’m just trying to focus on the freedom I have right now with no baby/kids as well as all the time I get to devote to my husband/dog, which I know will change drastically when we have a baby.
That’s something else I think about … what if it takes us awhile to get pregnant? What if we wait the 2.5 years, and it ends up taking another two years after that? So many things to consider!
At this point, we are doing everything we can to avoid having to use daycare. We could easily make regular payments on the student loans with me staying home, but then it would take 15 years to pay off, and we want them paid off as fast as possible. Unfortunately the fastest is 2.5 years, which seems so far away! I know it’ll fly by though.
Our goal is summer of 2017. Initially it was going to be this year but the finances just weren’t right and I didn’t want to risk my future goals just to rush a child. We hope to own a home before TTC or before being far into a pregnancy. It sort of depends on closing costs, the way I have it planned is we will have a down payment and closing costs by [name_u]July[/name_u] 2017 which means we would have to resign our lease as it ends in [name_f]May[/name_f] So instead of waiting until 2018 we would just get pregnant and live at the rental for a year (which is a concern because baby would be in our room and we have a room mate currently). I don’t want to wait until things are perfect though but I’m SO glad I didn’t rush it when I had the fever.
Enjoy your time with your husband and pup Maybe do some family activity’s with them. We take our kids (2 pups) on car rides, to the park, to visit grandma and grandpa - the whole 9 yards. It’s pretty fun and doesn’t make me feel like I’m missing out on the family aspect that I could have right now. I’m not sure on your financial situation but maybe if you come across extra funds (birthday/christmas money, eating at home a few times a week, buying generic brand of some things) you can put an extra bit towards your loans so that they’re paid off even a little bit quicker. Or maybe set up some small goals prior to trying to have a child. Eating healthier if you don’t now, losing weight if you want to, going on trips or to new places with your husband, getting a new hobby or skill, promotion at work, any of the things that become harder when having a child. Sort of a way to better yourself and pass the time quicker while you focus on getting your finances squared away
[name_f]Elle[/name_f],
While I am a few years down the road from you I relate totally to your feelings, and will give you another perspective. I got married at 25, planned to wait three years to have kids-my first degree is in Sociology and in undergrad I wrote a paper on a divorce study that showed that having first baby 3 years after the wedding had the lowest divorce rates, rates went up with shorter or longer-so 3 years became our magic number!
A year after I got married I started grad school for speech pathology, a 2 year master’s followed by a 9 month (full time) fellowship year- then full certification. I was offered 1/2 tuition scholarship plus a monthly stipend that covered the other half (or some living expenses). My husband (freelance web designer) made enough to (barely) pay the bills so I was calling that a free Master’s degree. I figured I would finish school within weeks of my third anniversary, start my fellowship full time immediately, and go off the pill, so that even if I concieved right away I could finish before baby came, and once I had my CCCs it would be easy to drop to part time and I could easily make enough money hourly to pay for a babysitter and bring home some extra cash. It was a really good plan, and I didn’t want kids yet.
Then 1/2 of the way through my master’s it was like a switch flipped. For both of us. We wanted a baby. We were broke (the bottom had fallen out of the economy and my husband who had always stayed busy through word of mouth referrals, suddenly was delivering pizza and trying to sell new websites to every new business in town- of which there weren’t many). My clinical degree was HARD, and I was having to bust my tail to stay on top of the work. We had to take out student loans. But we really wanted a baby.
So we prayed, and decided that God makes babies, and that children are always a blessing. And I didn’t refill my pills. And we got pregnant immediately, miscarried, then got pregnant again. [name_f]Ramona[/name_f] was born 4 years and 2 months ago and is the best thing that ever happened. [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] is 18 months tomorrow. My husband and I are madly in love staring down our 7th anniversary in [name_u]July[/name_u].
And guess what? Everything else worked out. My man got an amazing full time job with awesome benefits when I was 5 months pregnant with [name_f]Ramona[/name_f]. We bought a new house. I finished grad school (which was BY FAR the hardest part) when [name_f]Ramona[/name_f] was 16 months old. I finished that 9 month fellowship 2 years later a month before [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] turned 1. Student loans will be paid off in a few years- it may take 4 or 5 maybe 6 or 7, but we have stable career options so we don’t lose any sleep over making the payments. It takes however long it takes. I have always had to work part time but I’ve never had to do full time financially. After some serious PPD with my oldest I have realized that I NEED to work. I need to get away. I am happier working than I am being home, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
So wait until you meet your financial goals- that seems very mature and responsible. Or don’t, roll the dice. And it will still be okay. Children are a blessing and it is good to want to be blessed by them. Either way- I am betting you will have no regrets.
We had a switch flip about a year ago, but we were in the process of moving to [name_f]China[/name_f]! So the timing was way off and we were not going to take the chance. Now, although we are not where we want to be financially we feel like we will adjust our budgets accordingly once the time comes. We only have 2 months left in [name_f]China[/name_f] and we’re hoping it won’t take us a long time to conceive. I think even though we don’t own a house and we aren’t even going to be in our forever-country, we will be ready as soon as my husband finds his after-[name_f]China[/name_f] job. With both of us working and no debt, I feel fairly confident that we can handle it. It’s scary, but also very exciting!
So instead of waiting until 2018 we would just get pregnant and live at the rental for a year (which is a concern because baby would be in our room and we have a room mate currently). I don’t want to wait until things are perfect though but I’m SO glad I didn’t rush it when I had the fever.
Maybe do some family activity’s with them. We take our kids (2 pups) on car rides, to the park, to visit grandma and grandpa - the whole 9 yards. It’s pretty fun and doesn’t make me feel like I’m missing out on the family aspect that I could have right now. I’m not sure on your financial situation but maybe if you come across extra funds (birthday/christmas money, eating at home a few times a week, buying generic brand of some things) you can put an extra bit towards your loans so that they’re paid off even a little bit quicker. Or maybe set up some small goals prior to trying to have a child. Eating healthier if you don’t now, losing weight if you want to, going on trips or to new places with your husband, getting a new hobby or skill, promotion at work, any of the things that become harder when having a child. Sort of a way to better yourself and pass the time quicker while you focus on getting your finances squared away