baby fever

Lately, my baby fever is high. We’re not even really close to the time we can even get off birth control shot, and i’m like crazy for baby fever. I’m not old, early twenties, and I’m like baby fever nuts. I feel like it started about when I got with my fiance. Does any one get really baby fever? [name_m]How[/name_m] do you deal with it? What sets it off? Clearly the site isn’t helping, LOL. but I love names so being on here is fun, especially because no one really in my life besides one friend is crazy about names like I am. So it’s hard to talk to people about my crazy obsession about names without sounding like a freak.

But what i’m asking is how people deal with it? What do you do? What sets it off for you? I also want to know if other people are in that spot so I don’t feel so crazy and alone about it. Since, my fiance has stopped talking about - I think being crazy about names drives him nuts sometimes.

I started wanting a baby also when my relationship with my boyfriend got serious enough that it was something that was legitimately on the cards. I think to a certain extent, if you want a baby you want a baby and you can’t really turn that off. That doesn’t mean you have to do it right away if your heart is screaming for a baby but head is telling you to take it easy. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you know any small babies or children you could babysit for a while? You might find yourself mightily relieved to hand them back over to their parents and that might calm things down for you. Try to think rationally about whether there is anything you really want to do before you have kids, whether you are ready for the responsibility, whether your circumstances would be good ones to bring a baby into. Sometimes really thinking hard about what it would mean can scare the baby fever out of you!

Also, liking names is one thing, but wanting to name a baby doesn’t necessarily mean you want to actually have and take care of a baby. Picking a name is fun, but it’s really one of the easiest and least important parts of the whole process. I’ve been planning names and fantasising about a kid named this or that since I was 10 or something, but that did not mean I actually wanted a baby. Try talking to your fiancé about actual parenting (not names), see how he feels about that sort of conversation. If he is not excited to have a baby any time soon there’s not much you can do really, because you both need to be feeling ready and keen before you take the plunge.

If you just want a place to play with names and fantasise and plan without boring people who don’t get the name obsession, you’re on the right website! Names are a hobby for most people here - some are trying to find a name for an actual baby, but by no means everyone.

I felt like that when we first got married. What helped for me was getting a kitten. Something cute to take care of and I got to name it too :wink: We waited several years and are now expecting our second (kid that is). I’m glad we waited as we’re in a much more stable place now than if we had just gone for it when I had those initial baby fever feelings.

My recommendation is to wait at LEAST two years after being married or living together in a committed relationship. Longer if you are very young. If I could do things over I would have lived alone for a bit & waited a few more years to get married, waited maybe 5 years after that before I started popping out babies. I know that seems like forever once you’ve found the right person & feel ready to get started, bit later you will just think ‘oh my hod, where did the time go?’. Having kids is so stressful and changes EVERYTHING. It’d have been nicer to have more time together to do some travelling & growing as a couple (and as individusls) & set some more money aside for a rainy day.
I say take a break from NB for a bit, or just stalk the writers forum or something. Adopt a puppy or a kitten. They are something to name & love & a taste of having responsibility for a living creature. And you’d be doing something good for the world :slight_smile: and then take your time being young. You only get to do it once… and nothing on earth will age you quite like a baby will!

Good luck!

Thank you for all the advice! I would love to get another kitty. We currently have two, a boy and a girl. We also share a dog with his great grandmother, her name is Jeep. I also have a dog at my mother’s house named [name_m]Jack[/name_m]. You see I shouldn’t feel like I don’t have nothing to care for, because I do. We have two cats, and two dogs, each at every house that we go too. But, that’s sometimes enough. Especially when my little girl is cuddly and lovey with me. I think, my baby fever is getting so much because I know we’re almost there to be able too. He’s in school at ITT tech for two years, and when he gets out, he can get a really good paying job. It’s like we’re almost there to that point where everything is coming together, and it makes me so anxious and crazy, at the same time.

I would like to wait a year and half before we try after we get married. I also want to do schooling as well, so I have to remember that. I am going to do my ecc next fall. Yes, my major is always working with kids. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you see how this doesn’t help me? I’m so good with kids, and i’ve always wanted them. I also really like the advice that one of you gave me about what to talk to with him. I think, the last time we had this type of convo, we learned we have the same parenting type, with his being a little stricter than mine. I know, once I start thinking about it, we’re not ready yet. I want to save money up for the kid. My initial plan is to have atleast 5 thousand saved for each kid by the time they are out of high school. I also want money saved before we start trying for our first kid, I’m not sure how much, because I know for the first year of the baby, I want to not work. So having that savings, and him finishing school and having that job is important before.

I know there are so many things involved with having children, and marriage needs to come first. Ugh, thinking of it all is what gets me so anxious, but at the same time, excited for it all. Growing up is scary, but exciting too.

If any of this makes sense at all, lol. I feel like I’m rambling.

I agree with this!

My husband and I have been married for 3 years (been together a total of 6), we just started ttc in [name_u]August[/name_u] (hoping this month is the one!). I am 24 now, but will be 25 in [name_f]February[/name_f]. We wanted time to ourselves, to enjoy being married before adding a baby (which will disrupt your marriage and at times make you hate your spouse). I also was just at a point where I didn’t kids. We didn’t have a house yet, we weren’t financially stable, etc. All things we have now because we waited. (as a result we have 2 cats and a dog! they are our babies)

I guess I didn’t have baby fever as much till last year, before then I was pretty anti babies. I wanted to travel and loved my free time. Now last year, I guess I missed the memo, cause three people in my family got pregnant, (all 3 had their babies this year). [name_u]Baby[/name_u] fever kicked in. I guess I just wanted to be part of the club. But we stuck to our plan to start trying this fall. Only broke the rules a little bit since we intended on waiting to start trying after our [name_u]California[/name_u] vacation in [name_f]September[/name_f], but ended up starting in [name_u]August[/name_u]. Breaking the rules didn’t help us much though since no baby yet!

Anyway, to fight it, get pets. A puppy is great practice for a baby. We got ours last year (during my baby fever) and it really felt like I had a baby or at least a toddler. Lots of energy and took a couple months to train her.

Avoid following your family and friends pregnancies. You can congratulate them, but I found seeing baby bump photos and seeing them update their Facebook statuses to “baby kicked today” just really bugged me in more ways than one. (made me want a baby, felt like they were bragging, and do you really need to share that - trust me some of the stuff was just TMI).

Yeah, I remember that baby fever feeling. Got so bad once we were married after a couple close friends of ours got pregnant & we wanted our kids to be the same age as theirs. I think we would have waited longer but that really rushed us.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] focus on enjoying where you are now. I always think of that HP quote “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”. Plan your wedding, if you’re having one. Go crazy, if you want to, or be reserved if that is more your style. [name_f]Imagine[/name_f] your home, talk with your partner about what features you are hoping to find in a starter home. If you plan to own that home, figure out your budget for that now. Save for a rainy day (ie the day when your boiler and your hot water tank both die and your washing machine floods and ruins your laminate and you have to replace the entire floor, and you find mold behind the shower insert in the bathroom & the whole wall needs replacing). Start a TFSA if you don’t have one yet. Put some money in mutual funds. Start an RRSP/RESP as soon as possible (its the interest building over time that makes those things worthwhile). Travel (employers love to see travel as a life experience on a resume, and you’ll find it is a way to get global perspective & connect with people)! Take a REALLY goood honeymoon. Have loud sex. Learn. Take the pottery class or whatever random thing part of you has sorta wanted to try forever. Excel in school. Focus, you and your partner, during your first year(s) of work, on performing your very best so your employer values you & really wants you back after your maternity/parental leave (whoever decides to take it) & so you get paid what you deserve and not just the bare minimum. Eat out at nice restaurants (not in excess) while you can do that easily. Take baths. Go to the beach. Hang out with friends and [name_f]DO[/name_f] THINGS together, don’t just sit around together in someone’s living room (plenty of time for that when you have rugrats running around). Go out for margaritas. Go out to watch the fireworks, or whatever your city does, go for coffee at midnight just because you can.
Kids are amazing, but they never stop. They need you all the time. You will miss way too many opportunities, way too much of YOUR life if you rush into motherhood.

I have bad news. For some people, there’s no cure for baby fever–even “more cowbell” if you know what I’m saying.

I have lots of babies, including an almost 7-week-old who is waking up 3-4x/night to eat, and I STILL have the fever. Nobody is more surprised by this than me.

I will say that looking at Nameberry doesn’t help. :slight_smile: Not that I don’t adore this site.

Take care,

It’s wonderful that you want a baby! Being a mom is hard, but there is nothing more enriching and expanding than motherhood. That being said, I also believe children deserve to have a mother and father who are committed to each other and have proven it through their marriage.

It’s also good to think about finances and want to be prepared, but let me share some advice. Babies don’t have to be so terribly expensive! Some simple commitments can save you a lot of money! Breastfeeding is free. You only have to pay for cloth diapers once. You likely have family, friends, and neighbors who can hand you down clothes and gear.

After we got married, I was sooooo baby hungry. We decided to go ahead, and ten months later, our son was born. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been an amazing experience. We are both still in school, so we take turns going to classes and taking care of the baby. I only go to school part time so I can be with baby as much as possible, and my husband works a part time job to pay for rent in our modest apartment and other expenses. Government grants and scholarships cover most of our school expenses.

Getting pregnant right after marriage isn’t for everyone, but it was the best thing that ever happened to us. It forced us to get it together, find solutions, and stop being selfish. Seeing my husband with our baby boy just made me fall in love with him all over again.

Speaking of the word selfish, I think that word can be used as a good indicator of where you are at. When it comes to waiting to have children, ask yourself, “is it selfish?”

Kids are hard, and your life will forever be changed. But that’s the beauty of it!

Is it easy juggling school and baby? I was going to wait after he finished school so 2 yrs and then start my ECC degree which puts me at the point I can work with the age group I really desire to be with, which is preschool age. I recently worked with [name_u]Infant[/name_u] and Toddlers, and as much as I love babies, I find I like working with older kids a tad more. Though, my soft spot for little kids is hard to give up. I was going to wait to do my schooling initially, but now I’m not so sure. If I can finish my CDA certification, I can start next fall. I already have two classes down as well that count in the 12 class program at the school I’m looking at, so it shouldn’t be long.

I also am thinking of cloth diapers, but I recently(again) used cloth wipes at my job and didn’t really like them. It might of been the brand, but we’ll see when I do that as well. I am a fan of breast feeding and want to do it as long as I can. I also know WIC is an option that I would look into, and some more things. I would like to save up though for other expensive, because as I said, I’d like to not work at all for the first year of the childs life. But going to school would be a little tough.

I’m confused by this, maybe you just didn’t explain well, but it is NOT selfish to wait to have a baby.

I don’t think selfish even applies when it comes to having or not having children. I think a better word is “ready.”

Are you ready (mentally, physically, financially, etc) to have a baby? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you feel ready? Is there anything you would like to do that can’t be done if you have a child, if so, do them now! - These are better questions to ask yourself when it comes to adding a baby.

You’re right, I didn’t explain that very well. You should be prepared to have a baby, in every way! But being prepared doesn’t mean that you have to have the newest, fanciest baby gear or a huge house. If you are putting off kids because you want them to have every little thing, and it’s really all about your image, that would be selfish. Or if you’re putting off having kids so you can have more time to party and go on vacation or whatever. You should take care of yourself and be prepared for the future, but if you’re just thinking about yourself all the time, your life isn’t going to be very fulfilling.

That’s my train of thought and experience. Sorry I wasn’t very clear before, I hope this makes more sense :slight_smile:

Haha, all those people saying get a cat or dog! That would be my number one [name_f]DO[/name_f] NOT [name_f]DO[/name_f]! Not if you are thinking you will start a family fairly soon. Picking up the dog poo at the end of the day when there have been numerous other poo incidents is the very last thing I feel like. Needless to say the dog’s position in the family as gone waaaaaaay down and if I knew then what I know now I would not have got the high maintenance dog. I’ll keep the cat though. [name_f]IMO[/name_f] a kitten/puppy is absolutely nothing like a baby. Yeah, they are both cute and babies, but that’s about where the similarities end.

Some other very good advice on here, especially agree with @truenature and @jackal regarding waiting a while.

I think those of us suggesting pets, are thinking like a year or two before having a baby, not right before you get a baby, that’s just chaos unless you really love animals and have had pets before. We got our cats when we moved in together, which was 5 years ago, puppy was the newest addition, but we adopted her at 7 months, so never had her in “baby” phase. She was pretty much potty and kennel trained when we got her.

My pets are my babies and I feel anyone who doesn’t love their pets that way really shouldn’t have pets, so don’t get a pet if you see it as just an “object” or something you can toss aside later. They need just as much attention as a child. Dogs can be high maintenance, but not always, depends on breed and personality. Our girl is pretty much a couch potato, but I do go on runs with her (reason why I wanted a dog, needed a running buddy and I feel so much safer on trails with her), so she just might be easily tired out. I give her a bath maybe once a month, but that’s just me liking her fur to be fluffy, probably not necessary since I don’t let her swim in lakes or roll in mud.

I found having a dog and having to pick up poop actually is preparing me more for a baby. The idea of touching poop used to gross me out. My husband cleans the litter box, but the dog is my responsibility since I was the one that wanted her, and so I feel more prepared for a baby actually because I don’t feel like I’m going to gag when I see poo anymore (I did for like the first 2 weeks, I mean it’s kind of gross to have to pick that up with just a plastic baggy, but you get used to it, babies are worse, they might poop on you! - that thought makes me gag, but at least I’ll be able to handle seeing the poop!)

Pets do cost a pretty penny as well, so if you are trying to save for a baby, might be best to skip getting one (food, litter, shots, check ups, flea and tick control, etc).

Basically get a pet if you love animals and genuinely want one, that will help with baby fever since you’ll have something to love and snuggle with (most likely a dog, but some cats are big snugglers, one of our cats is worse than the dog! He is our needy boy). [name_f]DO[/name_f] NOT get a pet if you won’t value it the same as a child because that’s just cruel to the animal. They need love and attention, they were bred to be man’s best friend, they are not just fun little toys you can toss aside later on.

Oh no, I would never get an animal and toss it aside. We’ve had [name_u]Scout[/name_u], our cat, since six months into our relationship. So [name_f]May[/name_f] is our three year and in [name_f]September[/name_f], it’s been three years since we’ve had him. He’s my fiance’s cat, to the fullest. He’s such a baby, and goofball at the same time. My other cat was originally my brother in laws and his ex girlfriend, but after falling in love with her, she fell out of love with it and wanted a dog. I happen to fall in love with the double pawed little girl, so I took her. I’ve had her for a year now. She is my baby honestly. So I get what you’re saying. My animals are my babies.

I also just filled out two plans of how things can go with the next few years. Let’s see which one he picks!

Also, I’m over the whole poop is gross thing. I work with kids, lol. I just worked at daycare with toddlers and infants and changing butts was my life for that time. I had the 11 oclock changing right after snack and play time! 95% of the time, I got all the poop.

I don’t know if you really care about my opinion since I’m not a mom lol I’ve been baby crazy since my cousins first had kids a couple of years ago; it was the first time I had been around babies before. It also doesn’t help that having older parents a couple of years from their 70s makes me feel more rushed because I want my future kids to know my parents.

If I was financially stable at the moment, I would definitely be looking into a donor to have some kids. The baby craziness is incredibly difficult. For me, I’m a planner so what has helped for me is planning and organizing. I have pinterest boards dedicated to nurseries, baby showers (including ones for any future pregnancies my friends may have), gender/sex reveal party ideas, play/sensory ideas, birthday parties, and a whole lot more. Also, looking into what you would need financially (and I’m not talking all the cutesy, non-important stuff) or if there was an illness makes me step back and think more rationally. However, I’m also a plan for the worse and hope for the best type of person so I try to take bad situations into account in my planning.

For what it’s worth, I made the conscious decision to do babies first, pets later. Dogs especially require a good chunk of your time each day, but babies require basically ALL of your time. Or all of SOMEONE’S time - of course you can pay for childcare and share the duties with your partner, but someone’s got to be on duty at all times. I know plenty of people have a dog and a baby and it works, but if you have to prioritise between your dog and your baby, the baby’s going to win every single time. I personally don’t want to have a dog in a situation where realistically speaking there’s a really good chance I wouldn’t have the time or energy to give it the care it deserves. Once I have children who are slightly more independent, then I’ll think about a dog.

A dog or a cat is absolutely nothing like a baby human. They are different species, they have completely different needs. If you’re treating your dog and your baby in a similar way, you’re doing one of the two very wrong. There is a big difference between thinking that your dog is a disposable object and realising that no, it’s not your actual baby. I don’t know any pet-owning parent who values their pet the same as their child. Children are far, far more precious to their parents than a dog or a cat, even the most devoted pet owner who would never ever get rid of their animal and very much views them as part of the family, it’s just nowhere near the same thing. You WILL need to put a lot, lot more time and effort into your baby than any pet and to think otherwise is just unrealistic. Since OP works with children I’m sure she’s already aware of this, though :slight_smile:

Yes. Exactly this. Great advice, and in my opinion 100% truth re the dog/baby family dynamic.

See the thing is I wanted to get a new dog, but it was only if my friend breed her two dogs, but now they may not do that. So that goes down in how much I want a new dog. The dog would of been Husky/[name_m]German[/name_m] [name_m]Shepard[/name_m] with a tad bit of Pit Bull( Please don’t comment on how they are so horrible). But, yes they are extremely different, but both money wise about the same amount. SO, i think a lot of people think of them like a baby because of that. But in reality they are very different.

I’ve really been brainstorming lately how things could go in the next few years. It’s hard because we are very close. Someone mentioned how you want your finances and physical in a certain way. So, I need to get that going. But I really don’t think the birth control I’m on helps with dieting. Plus I can’t go insanely and drop like 20 pounds, I was just fitted for a wedding next year! Let’s hope I stay the same!

Have you seen the Pre-TTC thread? I think you’d fit right in, we’re all suffering from baby fever but waiting to TTC for various reasons…

I have no advice for dealing with it… I am getting more and more baby crazy every day! I think a lot of the advice here is good! We got a dog, but I think that had more to do with wanting a dog than getting a dog to substitute for a baby, if that makes sense. Sounds like you already have a few pets to take care of, but I know for us it’s been helpful as a step up to taking care of something as needy as a baby. I think a lot of the times when I’m feeling especially baby crazy, I’m thinking about having a new baby to snuggle and do all the fun things with, I’m not taking into account all the work! I think it’s annoying that my dog wakes up and goes outside and barks at nothing in the night? Babies wake up LOTS. And CRY. And when my baby wakes up, I’ll have to get up and change him/her or feed or something that will probably take lots longer than making my dog come back inside. Same goes for poop scooping, cleaning, grocery shopping, feeding, travelling, and the other things that have changed since getting a dog. I’m in no way saying they’re the same thing, but I do think it’s been helpful for us, and for helping me to think about ALL the things that having a baby will bring. I’m still so excited for it, but it helps me to feel better about waiting for the time that we are.