Hello! I am having a serious case of baby name regret and I am not sure how to proceed. It has been many months since the birth and the regret has not worn off. I wanted to name my daughter something classic or vintage (all well loved names here on name berry!) but my husband hated them all or had a some reason we couldn’t use them. At the 11th hour someone suggested a name that seemed like a perfectly normal nice name with a standard spelling, and he liked it and my parents liked it. The baby came early and without much research that became her name. I realized soon after that I didn’t love it and after some research learned that it’s considered “dated” and “has too many spellings” and many other negative things. I feel awful that instead of having a gorgeous classic name she has one that people don’t look favorably upon. Her middle name is also a very common family “filler” name that sounds nice with her first name but I never see her using it as a first name. Would it be strange to add a second middle name or change her middle name all together? She’s not baptized yet so I could baptize her with the new or second middle name. I just don’t know what I would say to family and friends. If anyone has done this how did you tell people? Sorry for the long post!
It would be helpful to know what the name is to have an opinion. But honestly a name being dated can be said of pretty much any name. A recent post on here [name_f]Anya[/name_f] versus [name_f]Amelie[/name_f] someone stated that [name_f]Anya[/name_f] seemed a bit dated to them (which of course I didn’t like because it’s my baby girls name). But we named her after someone very special to us so I’d never regret it. If there is family or ethnic connections or something that ties it to who your family is then it will never matter. If it’s off of just what sounds nice those opinions change all the time.
First of all, I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
Secondly, take a deep breath, it’s not too late. Your daughter is only a few months old, so you have time to change her name without any problems, as long as you start working on it now.
Next, do you actually dislike your daughter’s first name, or are you just worried because you believe others will dislike it from what you saw online? [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let others discourage you. People on the internet tend to be harsher than in real life, after all your husband and his family had a good response. That said, if what others think isn’t your biggest problem, you just really don’t think this name is right for your daughter, that’s a different issue.
I think your first step would be to talk to your husband about the issue: be honest, and explain to him how much this is upsetting you. As I see it, you have these options:
- Change her first name. As she is still so young, this wouldn’t affect her negatively. However, this is something that your husband would have to consent to. If he’s gotten attached to your daughter’s first name as it is, then he can’t be expected to agree to a name change.
- Find a nickname of her first name that you love! Let’s pick a random example, [name_f]Alyssa[/name_f]. Maybe you think [name_f]Alyssa[/name_f] is dated and has many spellings so you don’t like it, but [name_u]Allie[/name_u], Lyss, [name_f]Lizzie[/name_f], [name_f]Lya[/name_f], [name_f]Elsie[/name_f], [name_u]Sasha[/name_u], etc. sound cute to you and you’d like to call your daughter by those nicknames.
- Change her middle name. If it’s a filler name and it doesn’t have any meaning to you, your husband shouldn’t mind the change, and it would make you feel a lot happier. You could call her by her middle name and your husband could call her by her first name - it’s not ideal, but other families have done it before and they were just fine!
- Same as above, but you add a middle name. Again, if the middle name she has now doesn’t mean anything to you and just sounds nice, I think you might as well change it instead of keeping it and adding a second one. But if your husband loves the middle name she already has then adding a second middle name might be useful.
I think that if she isn’t a year old yet, & you REALLY regret her name, it’s okay to change it.
Thank you for the kind response, this has definitely been weighing on me. Her name is H@iley. To be honest It didn’t feel quite right from the start but it wasn’t until someone made a snarky comment that they were surprised I chose something so 90’s that sent me on a spiral of reading harsh comments on the internet. I can’t change her first name at this point, but my husband said he would consider the middle. [name_u]Or[/name_u] I can come up with a cute nickname but her name doesn’t lend to many nicknames.
I’m so sorry you got negative comments about your daughter’s name, that’s so rude! Maybe H@iley is a bit 90s, but it has a sweet cheerful sound and I don’t think it’s bad at all. As for nicknames, maybe [name_u]Lee[/name_u] or [name_f]Lily[/name_f]? A bit of a stretch, but my name is [name_f]Celia[/name_f] and my mom calls me [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] as a nickname so H@iley ‘’[name_f]Lily[/name_f]‘’ could work! You might also be able to use her middle name. For example a H@iley [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f] could be [name_f]Libby[/name_f], from H@iley’s last syllable and [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f]'s first.
If no nicknames work for you, I think changing her middle name is a great idea! Honestly I don’t think anyone would bat an eye if you just said ‘‘We weren’t in love with her middle name, and she was too young to know it anyway, so we changed it.’’
I honestly don’t think Hail3y is dated at all. I have a friend Hayl! (Pronounced the same way) who is 11 or twelve (I honestly can’t remember lol).
If changing her first name is not an option then changing her middle name to something you really love seems like the perfect solution 
I can’t speak from first hand experience, but I do have some anecdotes. Someone I know has had her name changed and changed her own name to suit a new environment. Her (estranged) dad registered her with a name that is perfectly fine, but her mother didn’t agree with it, and she changed it to something else. [name_f]My[/name_f] friend has now once again changed it to a variant of the same name (the one her mother chose) by deed poll. The fact that this story is now nothing more than trivia, means it can be done. [name_m]Plenty[/name_m] of other people are just going to stick to whatever name she’ll introduce herself with once she’s able to introduce herself.
Regardless of what the name is, it’s going to have fans and people who’ll frown upon it, and today’s ‘dated but not a classic/vintage’ name, could well become a classic tomorrow. If it really doesn’t sit well with you, of course by all means it’s worth discussing if not changing it means you’ll always regret the name your daughter’s been given.
Thank you! [name_f]Lily[/name_f] might be a stretch but i do really like that as a nickname… I was also considering [name_f]Lia[/name_f].
Though changing her middle is still an option.
I’ve always been fond of H@iley, as regardless of its spelling, the name conjures up the famed comet for me.
Name regret is common, so you’re not alone. We put enormous pressure on ourselves when we become new parents that it can become overwhelming fast.
I love the nn “[name_u]Lee[/name_u]” as it’s [name_u]Southern[/name_u] and sassy! As for H@iley’s middle name, how about:
H@iley [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f]
[name_f]Anastasia[/name_f]
[name_f]Genevieve[/name_f]
[name_u]Willow[/name_u]
[name_f]Violet[/name_f]
[name_f]Julia[/name_f]/Juliet
[name_f]Vivienne[/name_f]
[name_f]Caroline[/name_f]
[name_f]Theodora[/name_f]
[name_f]Madeline[/name_f]
[name_f]Seraphina[/name_f]
[name_f]Sylvia[/name_f]
[name_f]Stella[/name_f]
[name_f]Fiona[/name_f]/Flora
[name_f]Winona[/name_f]
[name_u]Phaedra[/name_u]
[name_f]Eleanor[/name_f]
I think you can call her by whatever name you want even if it isn’t on her birth certificate. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum sometimes calls me with a name that isn’t on my birth certificate (it’s not a wide stretch from what I have on it though). I just realised she is the only one who calls me by that name.
If you really want to change it, that’s fine but if your SO doesn’t agree to it you can try what I suggested🤍
I think H@iley is a good solid name. It never was overly popular so I don’t know how it can be dated. It’s most popular year was 2010 with just over 7000 births in the US. Which doesn’t come close to [name_f]Emma[/name_f] and [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] coming close to 18000 a year in recent years. It’s a good Scottish/Irish name. And I also think of the comet like @firefly305 said.
C@roline <3
Anya is a lovely name!
Lia would definitely work! Seems intuitive enough. I’m also a fan of nicknames that have nothing to do with the actual name—[name_u]Scout[/name_u] for instance. [name_u]Or[/name_u] perhaps something related to her hair color, eye color, or birth month (e.g., if she’s a [name_u]June[/name_u] baby, maybe [name_u]June[/name_u], [name_f]Junie[/name_f] or [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]).
But I also hope you can come to find peace with H@iley, since that’s not changing. Though I know quite a few who are my age (which may be why it’s been called “dated”), I do find it sweet, pretty, and perky. Reminds me of H@yley [name_m]Mills[/name_m]. I think you made a perfectly good choice for your daughter! Best wishes—I’m sorry you’re dealing with these feelings.
Are you and your husband on the same page about this? I don’t think its weird to add to or change her name but you will still need to agree. You could send out a card or something to commemorate her baptism with her new name.
You could change just one letter of her first name to make it [name_u]Hadley[/name_u]. This name cannot be considered dated. If anything, it is just beginning to be used and gaining in popularity. There is basically only one spelling. It means heather field.
Goodness, that is such an odd comment for someone to say to your face (not that it’s better behind your back, but it’s not really any of their business to comment on what decade a name reminds them of).
I think nearly any name will have negative comments on the internet. If it’s not a “dated” name, then it’s a “trendy” name. If it’s not one with “too many spellings” than it’s “too simple.”
But putting all of that aside, the way you are describing your feelings prior to the snarky comment and internet searches, it seems like this isn’t the right name for her.
I don’t think it’s strange to add a second middle name or change her middle name all together! If you don’t feel comfortable changing her first name, then I think one of those options may be the best thing to do.
As far as telling family, I would wait until you’re very sure about the new name. Then just tell them. If you’re on FB and nearing the baby’s first birthday, I could see a birthday post with a statement about her new name. Sure, some people may find it odd, but oh well. This is your baby and the name YOU have to call her for the rest of your life - No one else’s opinion matters.
I like H@1ley. It feels solid and sweet. But if you’re really uncomfortable with it, adding a second middle name feels like a good choice