DH and I recently found ‘the’ name. [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f]. We’re are very solid on it, and love it more and more with each passing day, and each week.
DH suggested the nickname “[name_u]Vinnie[/name_u]”. [name_m]How[/name_m] cute! I just love boyish nicknames with feminine girl names… Until it clicked. It reminds me of my very abusive stepfather, [name_m]Vincent[/name_m].
It just struck a cord with me… I adore the name AND nn… But now I worry. [name_m]Will[/name_m] I think of him every time I say, “hey [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u] come here!” or, “Meet [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f]…”
[name_f]Do[/name_f] we just veto it… But w e [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] the name though. Any advice?
If you think it will bother you a lot and cause awful memories to resurface, then I’d find a different nickname (and/or name). But if you really love the name and nickname, then I think associating it with your beautiful daughter may rewrite that association in your head. The only other boyish nickname I can think of is [name_u]Van[/name_u].
Hmm. Maybe practice saying the name out loud for a few days and see how it feels? Mention the name to family and see if they have the same association. If you and your family can’t shake the image of your stepfather, I’d say choose something else.
Thank you both. So far I’ve spoken with DH and my mom and stepdad. They we’re all almost shocked at my association and said, “Oh, no! I didn’t think of that at all…” “Besides don’t worry, when you see the baby girl all bad images will go away…”.
I have anxiety/depression, so I might bring it up at my next session… When I heard “[name_u]Vinnie[/name_u]” it was so stinkin’ cute, I beamed. Then it clicked… Eep. fingers crossed. I’ll try saying it out loud more and more too.
If it bothers you and caused you to feel uncomfortable then [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u] is not the nickname that you should use. What about using [name_f]Vivi[/name_f] instead?
I strongly suggest veto-ing the name, entirely. It’s a warning sign that your DH actually suggested the name of the man who abused you for your daughter, even just as a nickname. It either likely means that you and our DH haven’t communicated about your past abuse (these things can take a long time) to a point where you are both clear on the subject, or that your DH is cruel or utterly thoughtless. I’m assuming it’s the former, and that you won’t be comfortable enough using [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f]. There might be the odd time where you overhear your DH call her [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u]. You might have forbade him to use it. You’d be upset.
Worst case scenario is that you resent the fact that DH has suggested it at all. With my anxiety and depression because of abuse, I learned that I automatically resent anyone who triggers me even though some don’t mean to or know any better.
Put your foot down now and forbid the use of [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f], it’s not the name for you.
[name_f]Viv[/name_f] is an amazing nickname for [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f]. It reminds me of [name_f]Liv[/name_f], but better because it’s short for [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f]!!
I say you do it! The name [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f] is beautiful. There should however been an agreement that the two of you chose to never use the nickname [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u], and I think that getting rid of that nickname will get rid of that association. After all, you’re naming her [name_f]Vivianne[/name_f], not naming her to be called [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u].
I’ll also be frank with you and say that she probably isn’t going to really want to be called [name_u]Vinnie[/name_u]. Both myself and a good friend of mine laugh at the nicknames our parents thought they would use with our names. She is named [name_f]Erika[/name_f] with a K because they wanted to call her [name_u]Ricky[/name_u]–it never happened. My nickname was [name_u]Dani[/name_u] among my family, and it stayed in my family only because there were so many boy Dannys at school. Annoying, dirty, boys. Thats how I felt as a kid, and now it feels too childish.
I also think kids at school would end up calling her [name_f]Viv[/name_f]. It’s the more intuitive nickname. You could also go with [name_f]Annie[/name_f]?
