Baby naming process- what would you do differently?

If you could name your kid all over again, what would you do differently? What advice would you give your past self / a friend deciding on a baby name?

If I could talk to my younger self I’d say to:

  1. Look at name trends holistically (e.g. which beginning letters, endings, and nicknames are popular). For instance, our daughter is Eliana (which was ranked #83), so not too common by my standards. But when you account for alternate spelling (Elliana), similar-sounding names (Ariana, Liliana), and all of other El- names (Ellie, Ella, Eleanor, Elizabeth, Elena…) it feels more like a top 5 name at the playground.

  2. Worry less about what my friends/co-workers/whoever had just named their baby. We put names on the no-list based on co-workers that we have no contact with now and in retrospect it seems silly.

  3. Pay attention to sounds. I’ve come to realize that I’m really attracted to certain sound patterns in names (for example I love names with F/V sounds in the middle: Sophie, Daphne, Effie, Harvey, Everett, Rafael), regardless of style. So it’s more helpful for me to think about names in terms of sound categories than vibe or origin categories.

  4. Think less with the head and more with the heart. I did so much overthinking with my daughter’s name that it paralyzed me, and ultimately I puzzled my way to a name that still doesn’t 100% feel right. It’s like I was searching for problems; I talked myself out of names I’d loved for years for reasons that aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. Moving forward: less analysis, more feeling!

Naming a baby can feel like a lot of pressure. And there’s a lot (too much!) to consider. Would love to hear others’ advice!

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Oh my goodness fab question!

I think I would tell myself…

  1. Similarly to you to not focus so much on what friends/acquaintances/co workers have named their children. Honestly I didn’t use my long time favourite name because my a close friend (who I’m not even friends with anymore) named her daughter a hyphenated name featuring Rose. This ‘close friend’ actually got Rose from myself so this whole I can’t use her name was just daft looking back. So I would tell myself to just use the name I truly love rather than focusing on others.

  2. Gosh another piece of advice to my younger self that is very similar to the above point I would try not to be so influenced by others. Just because someone said they don’t like the name, said the name was too old fashioned or passed comments about unfavourable nicknames doesn’t mean the name isn’t for me. It’s just not for them. I think because I was so heavily influenced by others I dismissed names that could have been more me

  3. I would not focus on variables so much for example I dismissed names because I focused so heavily on potential nicknames that I disliked rather than thinking actually I could persist with this nickname which would mean most likely she wouldn’t be known as the other nickname.

  4. I would probably do more ‘Starbucks’ tests see how the general public understood her name and maybe embrace simplicity more. I think if I knew her name was so tricky for Brits I wouldn’t have hyphenated her surname. I’m now going to change her surname to just her dad’s surname to make life easier but it would have saved me some unnecessary paperwork if I had just done the one surname initially. So I would have definitely looked at general simplicity/spelling/general understanding of the name more. I think because I had Lilia during lockdown I forgot about how my family and my partner’s family are not English therefore our culture is different from the norm therefore some may not understand the name whereas because it’s from your culture of course you do. It’s tricky the Covid bubble really affected my understanding of what Brits would understand.

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I don’t have a child but, in my opinion, you should consider these:

[name_f]Do[/name_f] you think that meanings are important?

If yes, which meanings would you like to bestow on your child?

Any particular sound or letter?

Any person, fictional character, place, colour etc you want to honour?

[name_f]Do[/name_f] you pay attention to the popularity?

Internationality - in [name_f]English[/name_f] speaking countries people don’t usually think of that, but do you want a name that works in your language only or a name that can generally work in all your continent / Western world in general ? For example, if I gave a name I would consider a choice that is generally paneuropean (Western), so that would somehow work in all western Europe, not just my country.

[name_f]Simplicity[/name_f] to read and write. It is very important for me, what about for you? This is another factor

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edited for privacy

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[name_m]Just[/name_m] because someone said they don’t like the name, said the name was too old fashioned or passed comments about unfavourable nicknames doesn’t mean the name isn’t for me. It’s just not for them.

Well said! I totally relate to feeling influenced by people’s comments

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I’m so sorry for your loss. [name_f]Rosamund[/name_f] [name_f]Eliana[/name_f] [name_f]Rahab[/name_f] is a beautiful name for your daughter <3

I fully agree with you on the sibsets. I don’t think it should be a baseline rule for everyone, unless you’re into it in which case ydy. But to me it feels constraining and arbitrary

I also really feel you on the honor names! That’s one of the ways my overthinking played out and it was kind of limiting.

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I knew about the “Starbucks test” before deciding on the name… But I never actually did it :sweat_smile: It wouldn’t change my decision tho, my daughter’s name is too perfect for her and I love it so much… Maybe I would’ve felt a bit more prepared for some of the misunderstandings that have come from her name :see_no_evil:

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We actually don’t discuss names at all until delivery because of our history with pregnancy loss - attaching a name to a fetus is too emotionally risky for us. That being said, we’ve never given any of our angel babies names that we’d still love to use for a live child.

I think I would do some more research into family names - the older I get, the more significant my family history is becoming to me. While I love each one of my kids’ names, I think having more family representation could have been really special.

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Not my own experience but my mother’s ~ she recently confided in me that she avoided using an honour for my brother’s middle name because it would have given him the same initials as another family member, who would have considered that an honour, but it wasn’t. All the honourees (intentional or not) have passed now and mum regrets not using the honour middle name she originally wanted, because now that person’s name isn’t reflected in her kids anywhere and the name she did choose is kind of a filler. She now realises it would have been fine to ‘accidentally’ honour the other person in order to use the name that was special to her :heart:

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