Hey y’all! So…my sister-in-law’s baby shower is coming up soon, and aspects of it sure enough led to a huge discussion about what is appropriate or common in terms of baby showers.
Pre or Post-baby? My [name]SIL[/name] is having hers before the babies are born…hopefully! (she is having twins, and doctors told her she could go anywhere between [name]June[/name] and [name]July[/name]…baby shower is planned for late [name]May[/name]). This has caused quite the stir in some of her relatives’ eyes. They expect to see the little guys there, and some are going as far as saying they hope she goes really early, just so the twins can be at the shower. Which ticks me off to no end, because if the twins did come that early, they would certainly be kept in the hospital…not in their clutches. On the other hand, i can see why they would want the babies present…some of them may not be able to see the twins for quite a long time. Momberries (or others who have attended/thrown baby showers), did you have them before baby was born or after? If after, was baby there?
[name]One[/name] per mom? this isn’t related to [name]SIL[/name], but some family friends, who are welcoming a new baby soon. They said alot of relatives are upset with her, calling her selfish because she is having another shower. This is their third child together, second son. He will be 5 years younger than his next closest sibling. [name]Do[/name] you think it’s okay for her to have another shower? Or just in certain cases (ex. 1st child with a new partner/large age gap between kids/financial reasons/etc.)?
This isn’t really a question…but I thought this was so cute! My brother and [name]SIL[/name] included little cards in their invitations saying that, if the attendee would like, bro and sis suggest they bring a children’s book for the kids and write something on the inside cover to them! I totally love that idea!! I mean, they definitely need other baby supplies, but i just thought it was really sweet I may get them a copy of one of my favorite books when i was little
All the baby showers I’ve been to have been pre-baby. The shower my mom had for me was post-baby because I was adopted. I was a couple weeks old so it was more of a party to see me and of course bring gifts. A post-baby shower could be a good idea for new parents who have family coming in from out of state to see the new baby. Btw, it irks me too that relatives would wish the babies come early. [name]Early[/name] babies are never something to wish for.
I don’t have children yet, but I would hope to have one for each child. I would feel bad celebrating the birth of only the first child. I don’t think receiving baby shower gifts should be seen as greedy. The point is to celebrate a new life. Another shower can be much smaller than the first. Gifts can be children’s books and diapers instead of expensive baby gear. And if the baby is of a different sex than the other children, then gifts could be clothes for that gender. I read an article about this subject that called second+ baby showers “sprinkles” instead of showers. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/09/fashion/celebrating-a-new-baby-but-modestly.html?_r=0
No right or wrong, just a matter of personal preference. With my first I had a traditional baby shower pre-baby. With my second the baby shower was thrown post-baby so that my mom could be there (my sister was able to go to both). This time around my friend’s are throwing me a baby shower pre-baby. I personally lean towards having post-baby shower so that the people will get to meet the baby their celebrating but traditional baby showers are fun.
Yet again no right or wrong. This being my third I wasn’t really expecting any baby showers but I may end up with two. My friend’s are throwing me one and my husband’s boss is talking about throwing a baby shower for the pregnant ladies at work and myself.
I’ve never attended a baby shower after the baby was born. I’d think that was odd. It’s traditional to have a baby shower a few weeks or few months before the baby is born. For people who want to see the baby and can’t, for whatever reason, visit you personally, what about the christening? I’m (hopefully) having my baby christened in my home town so all my relatives will be able to see him/her. They most likely won’t be at the baby shower, which will probably take place in my current town.
I’m not sure about one per mum. I’ve only ever been to baby showers where it’s been the woman’s first baby. I don’t think it’s weird to have one for the second child. I didn’t know this was controversial!
I’ve only been to baby showers pre-baby. These days, it’s common to have them before the baby is born but I know that in the 1950-60’s, women didn’t have their showers until after the baby was born.
I dislike the idea of a shower for each kid. Personally, I view a baby shower as something for the mother-to-be, not necessarily for the baby. You’re buying the parents supplies to help out with a child. For subsequent children, I like the idea of diaper showers. I’ve been invited to showers for second and third babies but I don’t go. I do go to diaper showers though.
I’ve only been to pre-baby showers. I’ve never heard of a shower post baby!
I know people may disagree with me, but I think it’s tacky to have showers for each kid. For me, showers are to give mom gifts for baby because she’s never had one before. She doesn’t need another crib/ stroller/ etc. my only exception to this is if there is a large 10+ years between kids. This happened to my friend… She had her first two early in her marriage, and then a little oops. She had given everything away at that point.
I didn’t even know people had post-baby showers, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. Pre-baby seems to make more sense since you can take all your baby shower goodies and start nesting. It gives you time to get all settled and prepared. But post-baby makes sense if family members can’t make several trips and they want to see the little one along with everyone else.
I think multiple showers are strange. But, this is coming from someone who blanched at the thought of having a bridal shower (seriously, isn’t a wedding present enough?) Soooo there’s that.
I’ve never even heard of a baby shower happening amongst any of my relatives or friends. I don’t think they’re as common over here in [name]Brit[/name] [name]Land[/name]. The closest thing my family would get to it is having a party afterwards at the ‘family base’ to wet the baby’s head- so I’d say post-baby. And that’d probably happen after every child because we’re a close bunch who love getting together And I love the idea of getting books for the baba! Clothes and such will be useful, but they’ll quickly grow out of them. They can keep the special book for life!
So as someone that’s never been to a baby shower- what exactly happens? [name]Do[/name] you just get all your mates together and get given baby-gifts?
C&P; nope we don’t do them over here! I’ve been to one baby shower (one!) and that was one my friends and I threw for one of my dearest girlfriends after her boyfriend told her - when she was seven months pregnant - that he did not want to be a dad and went back to Australia. So she was a 24 year old student all on her own (family’s abroad) and we decided to give her everything she needed for the baby. OK, digression. I did not have a baby shower. Neither did my American/Aussie friends who live over here. I (excuse me for saying) find it weird that you ask your friends to buy cribs and buggies and all that stuff. Over here people bring presents when they come to see the baby; clothes, toys, books, cute stuff. My parents bought us a stroller, my boyfriend’s parents the car seat.
I don’t think it matters if you have the shower before or after the baby’s born. I get why some people would wait until the baby is there safe and sound. I think a big shower where you get mama&newborn essentials is a bit weird with the second child, you should have everything you need. But you could have a mini-shower where you get more things like I mentioned earlier. But to each their own!
Yeah that sounds more like it. In my experience, the parents tend to help out beforehand with the bigger/more expensive things (car seats, prams, cots etc) then once the baby’s here, all other family and friends may bring little pressies when they first meet him/her. Then they might get a little something again if the baby is christened.
And I agree- I would feel weird throwing a party where people are expected to buy you stuff
Like others, I’ve never heard of a baby shower being given post-baby. I find the idea a little strange, but, eh, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
My best friend had showers for all three of her children. (But they were with different partners.) I thought it was great! [name]Every[/name] baby deserves to be celebrated. When I was little, I came across pictures of my mom’s baby shower when she was pregnant with me. I asked her where the pictures for my younger sister’s shower were, and I remember being SO UPSET that she didn’t get one. It just didn’t seem fair. But there are other ways you can celebrate a baby than just a traditional shower if the mother feels awkward about asking for more gifts. Like others have mentioned, you can have a diaper shower, or I really like the idea of “sprinkles” that sweetpeacelove talked about. Or just some sort of party would be fine, and people can bring gifts if they felt like it. I just would really hate for one of my kids to experience the same sadness I felt when I found out that my sister’s birth wasn’t celebrated.
Yes, it is a sweet idea! I went to a shower about a year ago where we were asked to bring a copy of our favorite children’s book for the new baby. I loved that so much that I suggested to my best friend (who threw my shower) that she do the same when she sent out the invitations. We now have a nice little library of children books set up in the nursery.
In my experience, it is the parents, grandparents, and closer family members who buy the more big ticket items. I would certainly never expect my friends to by something that expensive! Shower gifts tend to be stuff like clothes, blankets, diapers, bottles, etc.
I’ve been to several baby showers and just threw one for my best friend in early [name]April[/name]. [name]Every[/name] baby shower I have ever even heard abot has been pre-baby. I didn’t even know people had them post-baby, ever.
I think every mother is entitled to one per child, possibly more, as most people I know have at least two per child. I live in the Southern US though, so that may be why.
I’ve seen that idea before and I always thought it was adorable
I have never heard of this before. I think it’s rather tacky. The shower is for the mom, not the baby. Of course every baby should be celebrated! However, in the States, the baby shower is to celebrate the first-time mom and to help her and her partner prepare for their transition into parenthood. The celebration of the actual babies occurs when the babies are born, so with each birth, each baby is celebrated and smaller gifts are given. I am not sure how a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time mom could actually create a baby registry for gifts with a straight face. I honestly feel weird enough having my friends throw me a baby shower. My family lives across the country so the task falls on the shoulders of good girl friends, and I feel strange that they have to foot the bill for the party and that my friends all have to purchase a gift to give to me just to attend the party. I am trying to make myself feel better by reminding myself that pretty much all of my friends FORGOT my birthday in Feb., so the shower makes up for it
Anyway, I love the idea of the children’s books as shower gifts. Wish I’d heard of that before my invitations went out.
Most showers I’ve been to have been pre-baby (except when said baby decided to come early and change the plan!) I just had mine at 30 weeks and another small one (local this time) planned at 34.
I don’t plan on having showers for future babies…it’s very much a first time mom thing to me. I do like when parents throw a little party for additional children though, kind of a casual “meet the baby” gathering for close family/friends.
I think a post-baby shower makes sense if you have people traveling to come. Mostly I think we have the shower pre-baby so that the parents can get everything put away and set up. Also, you can’t be sure what you’re going to get at the shower, so if you have the shower before the baby gets here, you know what you’re going to need to buy. Maybe for those coming out of town, have a post baby welcome party?
I think having multiple baby showers depends on need. I think it’s tacky to have one for a 2nd or 3rd baby if you don’t really need anything. But maybe the second baby is a boy and all you have is girly stuff or maybe you’re having twins. I would imagine that after 5 years, your friend has gotten rid of a lot of her baby stuff.
I wouldn’t not go to a baby shower because it’s my friends second or third baby. I would assume that she wouldn’t register for stuff if she didn’t need it.
Our friends threw us a baby shower after we adopted our son. We already had all of the baby stuff, so we asked that it just be a party. People really wanted to give gifts, so they ended up surprising us w. a book shower. It was awesome! Everyone brought their favorite kids books and now we have this great meaningful library for our son. It was also co-[name]Ed[/name], which was nice.
For people unfamiliar w. baby showers, they tend to be women only, which makes no sense seeing as how men are unavoidably involved in this whole baby making process. It is usually an afternoon event, and everyone sits around and eats dainty things. Horrifying games are often played, like Guess the Girth of the pregnant woman, or the one where you put melted chocolate bars in diapers and guess which kind they are. Tales of childbirth are often exchanged.
I really hate registeries. It just seems so grabby to me. I guess I understand registering for big stuff, if your family/friends ask you to do that, so they can go in on major items. But when people register for all of the specific onesies they want, that is annoying to me. It’s not fun to just go buy the baby clothes someone else picked out, you know? There should be a rule, no registering for toys, books, or clothes. If people want to give you those, they want to pick out cute things themselves.
I have actually been to a baby shower for a FOURTH baby. He was also the third son. And the oldest was only six at that point- so yeah, that seemed excessive. But they did really need a new carseat. We all chipped in for that. He came earlier than expected and the baby shower ended up being after he was born, at the birthing center. It was one of the best baby showers I have ever been to, actually, probably b.c the baby was there.
I think it is really just the sense of entitlement that gets annoying. There is nothing wrong w. having a party and people bringing gifts for the new baby, but the expectation that a new mom is somehow owed that does get tiresome. I really dislike diaper showers for this reason. I mean, they made sense back when we threw them for girls getting knocked up in high school. But when you’re a thirty-something professional you can buy your own diapers, thanks. And I totally get that your friends will often set these up and that is very nice of them. But we have had friends who throw their own diaper showers. That is just crazy talk.
Never having been to a baby shower, all of the ones I’ve heard about have been pre-baby. I feel like it makes more sense that way; if you’re having a baby shower, you KNOW you’re going to get a bunch of stuff for the baby, but if the baby comes before the shower then you probably already have most of it. I mean, MORE clothes and diapers are always welcome, certainly, but things like toys and equipment…
And as far as having more than one shower goes, I wouldn’t see that as weird, but like a number of previous posters have said, subsequent ones should probably be smaller. [name]Just[/name] diapers, clothes, maybe a few more books (you can NEVER have enough books for your children), the like. No big-ticket items, since you probably already have most of them. Invite fewer people. But I’d still have one for each subsequent baby, because it can’t really hurt, and they sound like fun.
I’m surprised that both these things are controversial. I’ve never heard of a post-baby shower and can’t fathom why people would get upset at someone for having the shower pre-baby. That seems to be the norm. Of course, a post-baby shower would be just as much fun, but it seems like it would be more stressful for the mom. Pre-baby makes sense, as she can inventory the gifts, put them away, set up her nursery how she wants it, and know what she still needs to purchase for herself to prepare for baby’s arrival. Post-baby would be fun for the relatives who want to meet the little one, but either way it’s nothing to get upset over.
I am taken aback by the idea that having a shower for any baby but the first is tacky. O.o [name]Every[/name] baby deserves to be celebrated! And the argument that a shower is really for the mom so it should only be a one-time thing doesn’t make sense to me either. Psychologically speaking, the bigger a family gets the more the mom’s life becomes all about her children with no time left for herself. So if the party is supposed to be all about her, I think it should get bigger with every child Either way, I don’t see how celebrating the miracle of birth could ever be tacky. And how are we to know whether that second-time mother has everything she needs? Maybe her stroller came apart, or she had a terrible experience with a crib and wants a co-sleeper, or she has a new vehicle that doesn’t accommodate her old carseat, or she’s switching to cloth diapers. Babies are expensive to bring into this world and care for, and that fact is not affected by their birth order
Although I’ve never really heard of anyone using a baby registry, or throwing their own shower. [name]Every[/name] shower I have been to, the mother is the guest of honor rather than the hostess…they’re always thrown by a friend or family member or church group. I think I could see the tackiness factor if a mother is hosting her own baby shower every time and registering for extravagant gifts. But I would consider that an extreme situation, definitely not the norm.
I have only ever been to two baby showers. [name]Both[/name] were held before the baby arrived. I think it would be strange to plan a shower for after the baby has arrived, I can’t imagine being a new mum with a tiny weeks old baby and having to juggle feeds/changes/sleeps with actually trying to enjoy myself! Especially for a mother of brand new twins.
I didn’t have a baby shower myself, but we still received SO many gifts and baby things after [name]Leo[/name] was born from friends and family when they came to visit us at home. I’m now expecting my second, another boy and will not be having a shower for him.
I like the idea of having something like a blessingway (http://www.theblessingcircle.com/blessing-way) as an alternative to a baby shower, especially for subsequent children.
I actually love the book idea, and if I had had a baby shower for [name]Leo[/name], it would probably have been one of the ideas I would’ve discussed with the person in charge of hosting the party for me.
I may get them a copy of one of my favorite books when i was little 
And I love the idea of getting books for the baba! Clothes and such will be useful, but they’ll quickly grow out of them. They can keep the special book for life! 