Being a surrogate mother

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately, and that I’m considering for the future. I don’t want to go into detail because it’s very personal, but let’s say that I’d consider being a surrogate mother for someone I care deeply about and who’s very close to me.

I was wondering, is this something you’d ever consider? Assuming that it’s legal where you live and has nothing to do with women being surrogates to make money etc. Would you do this for someone you love? [name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe even someone you don’t know? What are your thoughts in general?

I hope this is allowed and that we can keep things civilized. If not I’ll just delete it :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’ve thought about this often, as someone close to me is in a situation where they may not be able to carry their own child.

The short answer is: yes, I would.

Surrogacy is legal here, as long as it is unpaid and all laws are followed regarding paperwork, etc (although laws do differ between states).

I’m more inclined to say I would only do it for a loved one, but perhaps not. Once you engage with a stranger on such an intimate topic, they would hardly be a “stranger” any more…

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Currently I’m approaching 35 weeks pregnant and pregnancy for me has been emotionally & physically hard I’ve not been well and been finding the physical changes tough. But what has been keeping me going is I’m going to be a mother I will have my own little being to love & cherish. I’ve also feel such a bond with her feeling her kick, move, seeing her on the scans & hearing her heartbeat. Thinking of names for her, choosing a name for her, getting her nursery ready and getting stuff for her all the fun stuff has got me through the difficulties I’ve faced in pregnancy & is helping me with my anxiety concerning her birth. I know the reward will be great. I think to go through all that is involved in pregnancy/birth but not have the ‘reward’ would be just too tough for me. Of course you can say well the reward is blessing someone with a baby which of course is an amazing reward but I don’t think I’m selfless enough to do that. Honestly I think surrogate mothers are such selfless amazing humans angels really and I admire all surrogate mothers but personally I just couldn’t do it.

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I think I would consider it once/if I’ve given birth to our own child/ren without any serious complications. As someone who hasn’t been pregnant before, how well I am able to handle pregnancy would definitely be a factor. I could see myself being potentially able to deal with surrogacy emotionally/mentally but I’m not sure about the physical side of things.

I’d only see myself doing it for someone I’m close to, though. I’d want to know what kind of a home a baby that I carried was going to grow up in. Doing it for a stranger would be too much for me to handle.

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Here to share the story of a surrogate mother from my favourite podcast If These Ovaries Could Talk. She personally LOVED being a surrogate, but acknowledges it is not for everyone. It’s one of the best episodes of the whole podcast, in my opinion. The interview starts 4 min in if you want to skip the opening remarks. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] you enjoy!

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I’m no where close to having kids at all, but I’ve definitely thought about what it would be like to be a surrogate. I think that for me personally, I would have a hard time not getting attached to the baby, especially after something as difficult as a delivery. This would most likely lead to some form of postpartum depression. That said, if it were someone I was close to, I would definitely still consider it! I think it’s a beautiful thing for those who can do it!

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I’ve thought about this too – my husband’s cousin (they are as close as brothers) and cousin’s wife can’t have their own and talking about adoption and/or a surrogate.

I’m pregnant now with our first, and I just don’t know if I could give up a baby after carrying it for 9 months. We only live 10 minutes away from them and would basically be aunt and uncle to the baby, so I know I would still he a part of the child’s life. We even plan to ask them to be godparents for our baby.

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@_thelittlefairywren & @MG1257 I think I could only ever do it for someone I care about and love. I’d never even considered it before it came up in conversation with this specific person, because I felt I could never give up a child I’d carried for 9 months. I believe I can do it in this situation, because I have such a strong bond with this person and I’d know I’d get to build a relationship with the child too.

@tori101 I can completely understand you feel that way. I’ve had three pregnancies, including one with twins, and they weren’t a walk in the park… Especially my second one. I think the fact that I know the person I’d do this for so well and that I’d have a relationship with the child even if it wasn’t “mine” helps me to accept that I won’t have the “reward” though. But again, I totally understand what you mean.

@kat.felton I’ll definitely listen to it, thank you for sharing!

@Luminen If you haven’t been pregnant before it’s extremely difficult to decide if you could do this, I agree. Before I seriously consider it I also need to be sure that my own family is “finished” I think. I couldn’t carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up, no matter how well I know this person, if I felt like my family wasn’t complete. And at this point I can’t say if it is.

@LaurenAlexis congratulations on your pregnancy. I agree that giving a baby up is very difficult if you carried it for 9 months. The person I’d want to do this for is practically part of our household at this moment, and the baby would almost be growing up as a sibling to my own children. This person is also the godfather of my oldest son. So there would definitely be a relationship with the child.

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@Rosebeth I completely get that it’s lovely that you still have the reward of the child you know but I still think your a selfless angel to consider surrogacy. I have 5 weeks left and it’s been a long road! Good luck with everything :heart:

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That’s so nice of you to say. I wish you all the best in the last weeks of your pregnancy, and of course with your baby afterwards :two_hearts: I’ll be thinking of you (and praying for you, if that’s alright).

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@Rosebeth I think it’s completely true it’s a brave thing to do. Thank you so much for your well wishes, thoughts & prays that’s really kind of you! Hopefully the final weeks will fly by and everything will go smoothly :crossed_fingers:t4::crossed_fingers:t4: Canny wait to meet her!

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If you are on FB, there are TONS of informational and support groups run by long time veteran surrogates themselves.

– we are having a child via surrogacy. Surrogates are wonderful, wonderful people. Having gone through everything I have thusfar, if the tables were turned, I ABSOLUTELY would do this for another family.

– “gestational surrogate” (GS) or “gestational surrogate” (GS) are the current preferred terms for the type of surrogate who is not related to the embryo/fetus. If the female is using her own egg, the preferred/correct term is a “traditional surrogate” (TS).

–In the US, check out the ARSM guidelines. There are guidelines for BMI, # of past pregnancies, medical conditions that fall outside of acceptable [minimal] risk, etc. The process is so standardized now, and there are specialized fertility [ART] lawyers who make sure that both the surrogate and the IP (intended parents) are protected and that everything goes smoothly. Background checks, psychological vetting, medical screening to check that everyone is of healthy and sound body and mind, and that the homes are safe and loving.

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I haven’t had any children of my own yet but I have always thought that if someone I cared about needed a gestational surrogate and presuming that I could manage pregnancy that this is something I would do for someone I loved, once I had had a child of my own.

A few years ago I did offer to be a egg donor for a close friend of mine as a UK clinic offered free treatment for egg donors that could be passed onto someone else e.g I would donate my eggs and they would receive treatment. However after some thought they decided that IVF treatment wasn’t for them.

I believe that anyone who is willing to help someone else become a parent, whether that is as a donor or as a surrogate (gestational or traditional) is a truly amazing person especially if it is done without any financial incentive.

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I’ve always wanted to be a surrogate. But I haven’t had a baby of my own yet, so I understand that I may feel less interested after I know what it’s like to be pregnant. I imagine having a difficult pregnancy would make me feel less interested in putting my mind and body through all of that. But maybe I will carry fairly easy, who knows!

I always loved the surrogate storyline for [name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] on Friends. I know it’s a TV show and none of it is real, but I feel like they did a good job of highlighting a lot of the emotions (good and bad).

You could also check out the Facebook Watch series called 9 Months with [name_f]Courteney[/name_f] Cox. They follow a surrogate for a gay couple and it’s much more real than a sitcom lol

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I think surrogacy is a beautiful thing but I don’t know if I could do it myself. I have two children, and while I didn’t have any serious complications and was able to give birth naturally with relatively minimum intervention, I still didn’t enjoy it. I think there are people who are genuinely happy and enjoy the whole pregnancy experience. I am not one of them.

That said, if it was someone I cared about… right now I think the only person I would consider being a surrogate for is my brother, but the likelihood and logistics of that makes the chances of it bring brought up pretty remote. So while I think being a surrogate is one of the most selfless things you can do… I just don’t think I could do it! I admire anyone who does though.

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I’m so glad to read that surrogacy is helping you build a family. I’ve noticed that it seems to be regulated very well in the US. I live in Europe though, but the US websites are very helpful to find general information.

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Yes. I would & will. I’ll carry at least one baby for a gay couple — Maybe two.

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