Birth story and options for my second

First day back on Nameberry and here’s my third thread of the day lol.
I’m very early in my pregnancy and haven’t been to the doctors yet… hoping to go around 8/10 weeks. Right now I’m five. So I will discuss this with them. But was hoping for some thoughts/insight/advise before then.

So the plan for my first was natural birth. I took a hypnobirthing class and was very confident my body could do it. I went to the hospital with extreme contractions and they sent me home with an ice pack and heating pad because my baby was turned the wrong way. They also had an attitude and didn’t believe i was in active labor because I was so calm. I could feel my body forcing him out and it felt like his head was jamming inside of me. I did most of my laboring at home scared to go back because I didn’t want them to tell me he wasn’t ready. And send me home again. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother and SO made me go back about 12 hours later and they were shocked how far I progressed. They set up the birthing tub but by then I got comfortable and didn’t want to be moved around… or use it. I was getting scared of the pain and didn’t get the epidural just yet… I forgot what the other medicine was called. And they broke my water. Nothing progressed after the medicine and my whole labor was 24 hours. I ended up getting an epidural at some point. And then on the 24th hour I pushed for about an hour and he finally arrived.

The reason I’m giving so much back story is because when he came out, my babies head was mangled. It looked so bad. Huge bumps all over and very cone shaped towards the back of his head. They assured me this was normal. They said he was a healthy baby. We told everyone he was okay. And when we were taking newborn pictures we noticed he would jolt a little bit as if he was frightened.

24 hours after birth the nurse wanted to take him to get his hearing and eye test. I instantly was panicked and didn’t want to be away from my baby. I knew something was wrong. They assured me that I was tired. Needed some rest and everything was gonna be okay. They would return him within an hour. Exhausted I fell asleep. And an hour on the dot I woke up and he wasn’t in the room. I texted my dad saying I have a terrible feeling something bad happened. He told me to get some rest.
I woke up my significant other saying please go check on our baby. They said he would be back in an hour and he wasn’t back
[name_m]Just[/name_m] then the nurse walked in
She said silas wasn’t breathing and kept having spurts where he was turning blue.
She said the doctor is monitoring him and the second he stops breathing they try to stimulate him to take a breath. He had to be placed on a breathing machine and rushed to the bigger hospital and Nicu in our area.
He had to be taken in a incubator with breathing machine in the ambulance and there was no room for us to go with him.
I was panicked. They discharged me early so I could drive down. We beat him to the hospital actually because of how fast we went

To get to the end, our baby had a hemorrhage in his left temporal lobe. The bleeding caused mini strokes. And epileptic seizures that would stop his breathing.
In the nicu they told me he may never remember his name. He was on phenobarbital for a year. His hemorrhage is now scar tissue. And other then a “potential aneurism (that’s too small to be considered an aneurism) in his sinus cavity, he is completely fine seizure free. He Is in prek reading at a second grade level and doing math at a first grade level… he also remembers his name and everybody else he’s ever met.

Looking back I wish I spoke up for myself and my body. I wonder if I would have had a c section if all that damage wouldn’t have been caused to his head.
The doctors also told me no information about what else could have caused this.
I’m pretty small for my height. I was 120 before I had silas and I’m 5 8
This pregnancy I started at 111-114. I know it’s just weight but maybe my body just isn’t big enough to give birth naturally ? I’m just built slender.
I’m also petrified to have a c section! I’ve never had surgery , I never even had stitches. I am completely squimish when it comes to blood. I also forgot to mention I fainted the first time I stood up after having [name_m]Silas[/name_m]. I feel like my body would be in total shock. I’m nervous about the scar and recovery afterwards having a c section. I’m most of all petrified now that I know what could go wrong. I feel like any option is so scary and I don’t know what I should do. Decide last minute based on intuition or come up with a solid birth plan that I can advocate clearly for myself. Also praying praying praying this pandemic ends. I can’t imagine having a baby without my family by my side. I wouldn’t have survived what happened to silas with out them.

Thoughts? Prayers? Anyone have a vaginal birth then a c section for the second? How was it.

Thanks for listening.

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Hi sorry to hear about your birthing story. Especially your anxiety regarding it all. [name_m]Can[/name_m] I ask was [name_m]Silas[/name_m] assisted delivery. Was he forceped or ventoused ? Or you gave birth naturally after an hour’s pushing?
I don’t have any experience with a c section after a vaginal birth but I do think you have grounds to ask for a c section. You could even say you are experiencing PTSD given the circumstances regarding [name_m]Silas[/name_m].

[name_f]My[/name_f] very first thought is with all that you’ve been through physical, emotional and mental I would make finding a doula a top priority. They are there to help advocate for you- … I’ve never had one but that’s due to hubbys wishes but where you’ve had the experience you’ve had and the thought process going forward Infeel you would greatly benefit. And doulas are there to help advocate for you regardless of your birth plan they can help with natural and c-section births.

I had a c-section with my first, unplanned and at my request. I started with a natural attempt but then very slowly progressed up to epidural Staus on the pain meds and still after 54 hours and no baby demanded one. Turns out baby was sunny side up and reaking havoc to my insides. With my second and third I was able to have a successful vbac. The second was vbac after a successful ecv- she spent the last few weeks breech.

If you’re looking into planned c-section I would advise to also read up on all risks for this and subsequent pregnancies. Namely the increased chance at placenta accretawith each c-section. There’s a very supportive and informative network that I would look into for this support called ICAN stands for International Cesearean Awareness Network. They in no way bully people away from c-sections and understand c-section isn’t always avoidable but help those make informed decisions as well as those who feel they may be pressured into c-sections due to a lack of knowledge in regards to pregnancy and delivery. I follow them via but I’ll attach their website.

That’s so much for all your information! I looked into doulas I’m unsure if I would be able to afford it. And now I live in an area where resources Doctors and even hospitals are scarce. I’m going an hour away do go to a decent place.
Definitely going to check out ICAN & the link you sent me I think that will be very beneficial

He was an assisted delivery. Not natural. I ended up getting all the meds lol.
And I did contact my doctor about ptsd About a year and a half after he was born and she believed I had “clinical depression” at the time. Not even postpartum. I guess all those feelings I suppressed until now, now that I’m gonna be doing this all over again. I should probably find therapy in my new area.

I don’t mean to open a can of worms so to speak but do you think the hospital was negligent?! Given the fact that he had some complications at birth. Not sure if you are in the UK or [name_u]America[/name_u] or elsewhere but I’m pretty sure you can request to see your maternity notes/hospital records. I have two boys. The eldest was assisted but he was out with two pushes with ventous. He had to be assisted because I was pushing for 3.5 hours! And I was getting tired. Our midwife was rubbish basically.
I refuse forceps. I don’t agree with that method of assistance.
[name_f]My[/name_f] eldest had really bad colic and had a bruise on his head when he was born.
Sorry you had to go through what was probably at the time a traumatic birthing experience.
[name_f]My[/name_f] advice is 100% stand your ground this time. They are there to assist you, it’s their job and you know your body better than anyone else.

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I mean I think they assisted him out. I received no paperwork or any information from the hospital or form from any doctors through everything. [name_m]Silas[/name_m] has had multiple ct scans and mris and his pediatrician said to refuse any more radiation. Because everytime they say “nothing has changed looks good” and I don’t have one paper from any scan or anything despite asking. If I ask, they say I can see his images at the appointments. We were in [name_u]New[/name_u] [name_m]York[/name_m]. I :100: would say the hospital was negligent the first time I was in labor and I got sent home. I asked to have an ultrasound when they said he was turned the wrong way because I felt like the was being crushed and they said “we don’t do that” Also they discharged me early after I fainted. I also had swelling of my legs so bad after when he was in the nicu my mom was concerned I had a blood clot. But I was so petrified to leave his side I wouldn’t even go to the emergency room in the same hospital. I was sleeping on the couch in the nicu when I wasn’t supposed to stay the night and wouldn’t go home.
Thankfully I’m not going back to either place because I had such bad experiences. I kind of always thought it was my fault being So emotional At a venerable time

You poor lady :frowning::frowning::frowning: it really sounds like they were. I cannot believe youve got no discharge report/summary for him. In the UK we get a report it basically details their weight, blood type, date of birth, and stats on mum and baby etc and a load of other stuff. It’s really useful. I had bad post partum hemorages with mine but that’s just the way I am. I tend to bleed a lot, but the hospital I had them both in were really good. I felt in safe hands. Obviously we have the NHS here so the healthcare is different.
Most certainly not your fault and I really hope you find somewhere which you feel reassured and confidant to be having a baby.

I think I’m supposed to have all that! I think they just passed us along to the other hospital and that second one maybe thought we got it from the first.
I have his birth certificate. And I had a list of specialist he was to see after we got discharged from the nicu.
[name_f]My[/name_f] whole family said they discharged us from the nicu early as well because I wouldn’t leave.
He was there six days. He was on the breathing tube five of those days. Then eventually when they saw his medication was working they sent him home. I think he was on his medication longer then he was supposed to be as well
It has horrible long term effects.
I heard in the UK y’all only give phenobarbital to dogs. Not sure if that’s true.

My sister had premature twins. They were in NICU for 4 months! And they were discharged when they were of a certain birth weight, feeding independently and generally healthy.
If babies are really poorly in the UK the mum and dad are given a room independent of the main ward. And the babies are in cots next to the bed.
I don’t know about that drug. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t have a huge amount of medical knowledge. Really sounds like poor care.

Oh, man! I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I will pray that you find peace about this, and that whatever you decide for your next birth is healthy for you and baby! :heart:

I just want to let you know that THIS is common. With my first having an unplanned c-section so much of your thoughts are ones I had also struggled with. I remember about 3 weeks at least crying over my son apologizing to him as he slept because Infailed at being able to deliver him the “right way”

“ know it’s just weight but maybe my body just isn’t big enough to give birth naturally ? “

Also something I really struggled with during my second pregnancy.When I was prepping for a VBAC I really struggled if I could be capable to give birth and that maybe I should just accept that I’m not woman enough to handle it. I will say one thing I’ve learned is I feel most at peace with an epidural during my births. [name_f]My[/name_f] first delivery was dramatic because I tried so hard to avoid it and tried every other drug first but in doing that I caused myself to hallucinate. With my second birth I went into it saying to avoid the drama I would start off on an epidural and it made it so much less chaotic. I didn’t know what to plan going into my third but in the end went straight to an epidural again and again it worked at making for a more peaceful delivery for me. Some moms can do all natural, home births etc etc but that just not me and I’m ok with that.

Once you find your care team that you are comfortable with Is be as open as you can about your thoughts. They’ll let you know. I know for me when it came to my vbacs I’ve asked and they have their little ways of calculating vbac success which helped me to hear when Inwasntelli myself no I’m not able my body isn’t like every other woman’s and they’re saying actuslly this is how the calculations are adding up.

You’re still early in all of this so you have time to plan and get questions answered. We’re rooting for you here on Nameberry!

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You’re so brave! You did the best you could. We are supposed to be emotional and vulnerable when our babies are born. It was not your fault.

About your body: I have a similar body type. I’m 5’8" and weigh about 115 before pregnancy. I had both babies at home 9.5 and 8.5 pounds. So I don’t think being small is necessarily a factor in a difficult delivery.

About your next labor/delivery: Try to hire a doula who will help you feel safe. Or go for a c section! [name_f]Do[/name_f] what you need to do to feel safe.

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9.5! God bless you! [name_m]Silas[/name_m] was 8.2. I thought that was big!

Thanks for everything guys!

My mom had c sections for me and both my younger brothers. She never had any complications during birth and even though she was overweight during her last pregnancy everything was ok. She told me that when she came to the hospital they put her in this room and drugged her. She told me the way that worked was that they drugged her gradually. The anesthesiologist she said would put his hand on her stomach and say do you feel my hand? How about now? And so on until she couldn’t feel anything bellow her breasts or so. They then put a curtain up and a few moments later the doctor was holding the baby so she could admire him (while another doctor was stitching her up). [name_f]My[/name_f] mom was discharged about a week after giving birth to all of us.

The chances are you’ll be fine :slight_smile:

After such a horrendous birth, I would recommend having a c-section. It might seem scary, but mothers are having them every day around the world.