Hello,
We are expecting a beautiful little boy and had decided to keep the name and gender private as it is something commonly done in our family.
We had previously discussed our top boys and girls names with close relatives and I had discussed and sought approval from my grandmother to use my grandfathers name if we were blessed with a little boy…
Due to complications and more scans than we were expecting we found out the gender and while not revealing it to extended family named and started preparing for our little boy.
So at 25 weeks with no one we knew pregnant at the time we assumed we were pretty safe in using our selected name.
However…my cousin then announced her pregnancy at 12 weeks and on social media announced the gender and name which was the name we had selected!
[name_f]My[/name_f] cousin is a beautiful person but this did really throw me as although we had not specifically declared our baby name I had made my intentions clear with names if we were to have had a boy. My grandmother suggested talking to her which I did to explain that we had already selected the name & actually were having a boy & had our heart set on the name. However they felt very strongly about it too and advised it was not going to be changed.
There were lots of comments from their siblings (my
[name_f]My[/name_f] grandmother however is not backing down and has made it very clear that she would prefer for me to continue to use the name & that it is what she feels my grandfather would of wanted. My husband expressed he did not want to change it but would do what I felt needed to be done as it was my family.
So here I am 36 weeks along still as confused as ever. Obviously hormonal drifting between ‘no I want my son to have his OWN name so I’ll continue to try and find another name that we love.
Vs stuff it- we had it first, I’m delivering three months before their babies due I am using the name!
We had used it privately for so long before the scenario no other name are feeling right in trying to pick another.
It is a close cousin who I know we would see regularly and they have continued to use the name publicly when referring to their son.
Babies are such a blessing and this is meant to be such a beautiful time but this has really left me very confused as to what the right thing to do is. All of our family are now aware of the situation and have different views.
Would love to hear your advice on the matter as time is obviously now of the essence with making a choice.
Is it ok to have two babies with the same name in a close family?
[name_f]Do[/name_f] I graciously need to just pick another name?
I am left confused as to what the etiquette is?
I feel that you should name your child the name you’ve selected for him. Your cousin has time to change her mind and may change her mind once your little one arrives.
I know it may be cause some family strain but I think you’ll regret not giving him the name you have planned for him and family ties can be mended.
Stick with the name! You’ll regret it if you don’t, and it’s fine for people in the same family to have the same name, especially if they don’t live together or you could use it as a middle name if it would bother you?
Yes, I believe the etiquette here is that you chose the name first, you’re having the baby first, and you chose it without knowing she wanted to use it also. You get to use the name.
That said, I’m a very nonconfrontational person, and I know this situation would really throw me if it came up with, say, one of my siblings. I’ve heard of cousins having the same name and it being a bond between them, not a strain, so there’s that. I personally wouldn’t want cousins who were going to see each other regularly to have the same name. It would make my choice feel less special, though that’s not necessarily a true perception.
If your cousin doesn’t budge, and the name is nicknameable, maybe agree to use different nns? [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] and [name_m]Chaz[/name_m]/Chip/Chuck for [name_m]Charles[/name_m], that sort of thing. Call one by his middle name? Switch the first and middle names? How much would you regret not using this name? How much family strain do you think it’s worth?
To the best of my knowledge there is no precise etiquette for this situation, and every family is different. To make my answer easier to read I am going to pretend that the name in question is [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m].
You have the absolute right to still name your son whatever you want to name him. I have some sympathy for your cousin here, too - while indeed it sounds like you settled on [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m] first, it sounds like your cousin legitimately didn’t know that you were having a boy until after she had already announced her son’s name and sex, so she may very reasonably feel like she’s the one who “got there” first and that she feels the same way that you do about it.
There are many questions to ask yourself: Is the name easily nicknameable, so that one of the boys could be Ferdy and the other could be [name_u]Andy[/name_u] within the context of your family? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you and your cousin have the sort of relationship where you can imagine laughing about this with her in a couple of years’ time? Is there any chance that your cousin will reconsider once your [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m] has arrived? Is there any chance that you could both use [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m] as your sons’ middle names and both pick different first names? And, I think most importantly, does naming your son [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m] still appeal to you knowing that he is likely to be one of two Ferdinands of the same age in your family? It might or it might not. If it does, go ahead! If it doesn’t, I would suggest that you still use [name_m]Ferdinand[/name_m] as a middle name to honour your grandfather.
It’s okay in my opinion. It would be better if the names would have different nicknames so that they both wouldn’t be an [name_m]Ambrose[/name_m] ‘[name_m]Ames[/name_m]’ or [name_m]Zachariah[/name_m] ‘[name_f]Ria[/name_f]’. It’s more usable if it’s a more common name such as [name_u]Quinn[/name_u] or [name_m]Leo[/name_m], instead of uncommon ones like [name_f]Jewel[/name_f] and [name_u]Fox[/name_u]. If you love the name I say go for it
Since your baby is due first and it is an honor for your grandfather, I would continue to use the name IF you are comfortable with the fact that 1) your cousin may use the name as well anyway b) your cousin might not use it and then be irritated at you for “stealing” it. I personally do not think it would bother me to have two second cousins with the same family name, I have a bunch of repeat names in my own large extended family and it’s never been a big deal.
This is a situation where I honestly don’t think either of you would be in the wrong for using it because neither of you intentionally “copied” the other. However, it is possible that if you use it your cousin would still feel like you took the name.
100% use the name. I’m not being funny but you’ve made your intentions clear and have just as much right as she does to use the name. Unfortunately for her, you’re first so she’s just going to have to deal with it and if she feels very strongly that she wants her baby to have a different name then that’s a choice for her to make when the time comes. I’ll be completely honest, I think it’s downright weird to announce a baby’s name at 12 weeks, it’s utterly bizarre and quite honestly I get the feeling that she did that because she had a hunch you might use the same name and wanted to pip you to the post. I’m sure she’s a lovely person but sometimes people do crazy things when they’re desperate and to be honest it’s a sly manouvre she’s made there. If I were you, I would use the name anyway, there will just have to be two of them, which is not uncommon in families. Perhaps they’ll end up developing different nicknames but if it’s important to you don’t compromise because you will regret it forever.
I’d say stick with the name since it’s so special to you and feels like the only one. Your cousin may change her mind once your baby is actually named, but if not, it’s a family name and it’s not unheard of for cousins to share names
I think it’s fine for both boys to have the same name. You can always use a nickname to differentiate if needed when the family gets together. It will be his own name even if he shares it with others in his family or in his class or where ever! Don’t worry about picking another name. I bet this will end up being a sweet connection and a fun family story later, it only feels stressful now…
Well you’re having your baby first. So the ball is in her court if she wants to give her baby the same name. I say you call her bluff. It’ll be a fun story to tell if nothing else.
I went through something similar! If you love the name use it . I would hate for you to change your name and them change their minds after the baby is born and no one uses it !
I think that because its your grandfather’s name and your grandma wants you to use it, you should.
Is this your first cousin - same grandfather?
I think you both can honor him though. Maybe one of you uses this name as a first and the other uses it as a middle?
Your baby is coming first so you can do what you want here. She will have to decide on using the same name or picking another.
I see both sides here because she announced the name first but you had privately chosen it first.
Is there a reason your grandma prefers you use it versus her? If there’s good reason, I would use it. I would call her again and let her know beforehand and give her your blessing to also use the name in some capacity if it has meaning to her. Hopefully she will use it for a middle or find another version of the name. But I would call her again so she can’t say you didn’t politely try to communicate about this.
I have multiple first cousins with the same names. [name_m]Even[/name_m] two families with two shared names! We’re a very close family and it’s worked out perfectly fine! The only time it was a problem was when an aunt used a name that everyone knew another aunt had already clearly claimed for her first son.
You were pregnant first, picked the name first, your grandmother wants you to use it and the children will be second cousins. Your cousin hasn’t had that name claimed for years. Plus, no one person has claim over a family name anyway. They are fair game for anyone who wants to honor a family member.
or you could use it as a middle name if it would bother you?
