Has any berries on here got two boys and then went onto have a girl?
I would love a girl for a third baby (we won’t be trying until next year).
I know we get what we are given and any healthy baby is truely a blessing but I think I’d be inclined to not find out the sex this time round for the simple matter of avoiding gender disappointment. Because I can’t help but fixate on having a girl as this will be our last baby.
I love my boys a ton, they are lovable little rascals it would just be nice to have some pink in the family.
I had two boys and then a girl. I was the same as you and wanted a girl so badly. It was such a relief when we found out what we were having, I cried. And the moment she was out and everything was fine the first words out of my mouth were “is it really a girl?” I was so expecting to hear third boy every step of the way. Of course healthy babies are the most important thing but I think it’s natural to want the experience of having both and I’ve really enjoyed the ride so far. We’re trying for our fourth and final right now and we’re really hoping for another girl, as the boys are kind of paired off already, it would be so nice to give her a sister. So it’s a similar pressure to last time, even though it’s completely out of our control. We’ll see what happens if it happens (I’m not even pregnant yet and I’m already hoping for a girl, lol!)
We had four sons before welcoming our twin daughters.
DH comes from a home with only brothers and I from a home with only sisters, and when we started discussing parenthood and family life, we were both eager to see if the grass was truly greener on the other side of the fence. He wanted nothing but daughters. I wanted nothing but sons.
It was a joy (and still is!) to get my wish with four boys, then I noticed that our sons were all daddy and not one inch mommy and began to wish for a girl when we were expecting no. 3.
We did not know the twins’ sex until their arrival, and through the whole pregnancy I imagined we would have two boys. It was fated, it was great, we were a boy family like DH’s and it was wonderful.
I’ve never seen DH and my in-laws weep like they did when each one got to meet the girls. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother in law, to this day, thanks me for the girls as if they were part of my master plan all along . [name_f]My[/name_f] sons were quick to balance the general state of bliss though, they were not pleased with their sisters since they had visualized themselves as an all boy basketball team plus one.
Now that we’re expecting again, they still insist we should have another boy, even if their sisters are in the minority. Their argument is that since they are twins, they don’t need another sister, whereas they apparently need another brother because .
At this point, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I just want one that looks like me for more than six months before they morph into their father.
I knew that my first son would be a girl. I just knew it!I was shocked when he was born and we did not had a name picked out .[name_f]My[/name_f] mother named him.He became the love of my life.I knew with every breath in my big fat body that my second son would be a gjrl.More than shock.Utter and comp!ate devastation.Hubby named him.He was a very non cute baby.By 6 months he was the most beautiful little guy I had ever seen.I worshiped everything about him.I knew my third son would be a boy.I had a name picked out.I spoiled that child like crazy.I would not leave him to go back to work because I knew that he was my last baby( that and he would not take a bottle) I was to.have had a tubal ligation when he was born but they were having trouble stabilizing !y blood pressure so I opted to wait.And then we all got the flue.I did not recover when they all did and my fourth child is my only oops child.I just knew it was another boy.An early ultrasound seemed to concur.[name_f]My[/name_f] daughter was born and was given the name we had chosen long ago.And I will Never have a greater surprise the rest of my life.
AHH that’s lovely. I’m glad you got your girl. I think like you say it’s natural to want to have a daughter. [name_u]Love[/name_u] my boys to bits but I would love a girl to balance the family dynamics.
Hahah my boys are the image of their dad too! sounds like you have a wonderful big family. With your twin girls having four big brothers they prob won’t be able to ever date until they are 40 right? Hah
I think mums instinct is usually right when it comes to guessing her baby’s gender. 4 kiddies sounds perfect.
Not a mom, but I have two older brothers! [name_f]My[/name_f] brothers are much older than me. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents didn’t expect to get another baby, but they definitely wished they had a girl. They also didn’t find out the gender until birth.
I can’t imagine that moment. Whoever these people will be, they will need to go through brothers, grandfather and uncles before getting to the girls. DH swears he’ll be no different than he’ll be with the boys and their partners. We shall see.
So many of the aforementioned vibes resonate! I don’t know if there will be a third try for us, but if it were to happen, I know I’ll be wishing so strongly for a girl. Of course I love my two boys more than words can articulate, but let’s balance out the testosterone a little bit - and let me use the girl name I’ve been denied twice now!
Personally, I would be inclined to find out the gender. I’d rather know ahead of time than spend 9 months hoping for a girl only to be “disappointed” - which I use for lack of a better term, since of course the birth of any baby is so far from a disappointment! This is why we decided to find out with our second, and I feel like it allowed me to start connecting with him much sooner (rather than have any of those feelings overshadowed by gender expectations).
That’s a really excellent point you make.
I’m debating if I would find out gender or not but I’m leaning towards not because I don’t want to deal with other people’s disappointment or anyone saying “oh, another boy”. I just want to be happy I’m pregnant and then happy when the baby gets here.
But I do think you’re right about being able to connect better if you do find out.
I initially wanted to wait and be surprised since we’ve always found out and I thought it would be a different experience. Then my husband pointed out that I might be disappointed after going through 9 months + the birth to find out it was another boy and that might mar his birth. So we went ahead and found out early. I was half expecting them to be wrong anyway though! I think in finding out early you give your heart a chance to catch up with your head: you know you’ll love the baby no matter what it is but it can still knock the wind out of you, so better to hear that at 20 weeks-ish instead of 40-ish, imo.
I have two boys and I’ve always wanted three of whichever so when my first came out with boy parts I thought three boys sounded great. However, part of me would also love a girl. I don’t think I’ll be disappointed either way at this point from where I am right at this moment. But that could change.
Re: disappointment at 20 weeks vs disappointment at 40… I personally think there is a huge difference, but in the opposite way from what most are mentioning here. I think we owe it to the babies inside us to bond in whatever ways we can during pregnancy. The relationship quality between an adult and a child always rests on the parent. We are adults and we can actively work on the things we know how to do to bond with a baby without knowing their sex, without seeing them in 3D, etc. We can read to them, sing to them, tell them our feelings of excitement to meet them, cradle our stomachs as we grow, etc. Be with them in myriad ways until we meet them. But I really believe that if you feel strongly either way about the sex of your child… you owe it to them NOT to find out at a prenatal scan or via blood test. Because if you are disappointed, they have no refuge from that. Obviously very few people become severely depressed or actively anxious or really stressed out at the disappointing news of the sex of their baby, but you baste your baby in whatever hormones you’re experiencing, however big a disappointment that is for you. And to them, any of that is a major stressor. By contrast, I totally understand PPD and PPA and understand that sex disappointment after the birth can definitely contribute hugely to those… but you can mitigate THAT stress on yourself by gathering support around yourself and if you feel your disappointment is compromising your relationship with your newborn at that point, your child can find refuge in another’s warm and comforting arms (father’s, grandparent’s, etc) until you’re ready to be there for them in the body they were born with. That stress doesn’t have to hurt them, but by default the stress you experience in utero, they experience, too, for as long as you are tethered by that cord. And it could affect their brain wiring, their stress response, their temperament, their epigenetic makeup for life.
I wish that didn’t sound as judgy as it comes off, but that’s where I stand and the way I see it finding out at birth is better if you have a vested hope one way or the other.
This is also a very good point and I think enough to further convince me to wait to find out the sex until birth.
I wouldn’t want any negative energy from me or anyone else affecting the baby.
Plus, a surprise sounds fun.
Didn’t sound judgy at all. Very eloquently put. Thanks for making me see things differently. I think you make really excellent points and I definitely agree with you that it’s up to the adult in the sense of bonding. All the baby wants is his/her mummy and love so I totally get that.
I also think that raises the question of not finding out the gender too because given all the hard work of labour and the nine months of carrying you’ll be relieved to just have the baby in your arms come delivery, regardless of gender. For me it is instant love anyway and gratification of delivering baby safely. I think you’ve convinced me to not find out the gender too! Although I’m awfully inpatient hah
We’ve waited for delivery room susprises and it’s been quite fun. Our approach has always been that we’re expecting a person, and that’s all we can know for sure.
I’m going to build on what @hyacinthbucket shared, and leave my loving non-judgy unsolicited advice, and that is to reflect a little on gender expectation before ttc. As we’ve all have said on this fun thread, it’s normal to be curious and even construct some castles on the sky about having a daughter after having beautiful, beloved sons. A lot of daydreams and “what-if” questions accompany the expectation of a child.
However, if we’re wanting a particular sex (which is no guarantee of gender) so badly that the 50% probability of getting the other would cause a serious disappointment beyond the “darn! I thought we would get a girl/boy this time”, maybe conceiving a baby should be delayed until a discussion and some honesty can be shared among the prospective parents. Feelings cannot be wrong, but how we experience them could give us pause and make room to ask questions, express some thoughts sincerely and gather information.
If the baby’s sex is such a heavy weight on a parent’s heart, then other things about parenting an actual living child should be brought up, like the possibility of our child expressing a gender different from their sex in the future, or how we perceive ourselves and other members of our gender that creates such a powerful desire for one sex above the other.
When I had four boys, some women who were also moms of only-boys would tell me “isn’t it the best? Girls are so much drama and mental games!” or “I couldn’t parent a mini-version of myself!” which always left me stunned and silent. [name_f]My[/name_f] honest answer, which I never gave, was “I’m sorry that you hate being a woman so much. It’s going to be okay”. Now that I have the girls, the reaction is “wow, you really wanted that girl, uh?”.
In an ideal world, these situations should be worked out and spoken with honesty before becoming parents, not only first-time parents but the second, third…seventh…eleventh time around.
Now I have to stop joking about wanting my children to look like me. I’ll get off of this soapbox and show myself out!
For me it’s more a fear of when my boys grow up they’ll forget my birthday, go on wild holidays and find wives and love them as they totally should lol. Hahah
Honestly it’s fine. If I’m destined to have three boys I will be over the moon and accept that I am having three boys. I just don’t want to have an empty nest feel and I think girls turn into women who tend to hang around more and need their mum ( like when they have their own children) etc.
Wow I’m so soppy haha
I can so relate
But each child is different so you never know. Some boys will stick close to home and some girls will move to another state/country.