I’m sorry, everyone, I really need to rant right now.
We celebrate at my grandmother’s house every year on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] [name_f]Eve[/name_f]. This year is my son’s first! We were all pretty excited. I usually feed him before we leave to go somewhere because I can’t pump at all, but I forgot (my mind being all over the place,) so he was hungry pretty soon after we got to my grandma’s. I was prepared with a cover, but my mother and SO forced me into the back room because breastfeeding is apparently “inappropriate around the kids” that were there. I was fuming, but couldn’t say anything about it because of being outnumbered. I’m sure the rest of my family shared their sentiment.
On top of this, they ALL seemed to be of the opinion that breast milk isn’t “filling” enough for him. LOL He’s four months old. I really don’t know what to say to these people… my family is old fashioned. They grew up and their children grew up on formula and old wive’s tales. I guess they all turned out fine enough, but I want better for my son. If I say anything though, I’m afraid it would start an argument. What can I do in these situations? Last night, I just walked away because I really couldn’t even wrap my mind around the fact that they actually believed the crap they were telling me.
[name_m]New[/name_m] year’s is coming up, which we celebrate with them also, and I just KNOW all of this is going to come up again.
The purpose of breasts is to feed babies. Perhaps you should ask your family to explain why they’re viewing your breasts as sexual objects rather than baby feeders? I don’t understand that mindset at all. You’re covering, but even then, what is the worst thing the children will see? A nipple? If they’ve seen a shirtless man surely they’ve seen nipples. I would actually argue that you’re the old-fashioned one. There’s nothing old-fashioned or traditional about baby formula.
That is awful. There is nothing inappropriate about breastfeeding. I’m sorry your family treated you that way. I’m sure the children probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
Yeah, that is ridiculous. You shouldn’t have to even cover up, much less leave the room. I think it’s great for kids to learn about breastfeeding as a normal way to feed a baby. The kids probably wouldn’t even notice if you just fed the baby, whereas if your relatives drag you off to another room, they are going to be curious about the Alleged Inappropriate Activity.
As to the weight gain complaints, I would just explain that his doctor is happy with his weight gain. Keep repeating yourself and refuse to engage.
I might have an unpopular opinion, but it is their house so it is their rules. I personally feel uncomfortable when others breastfeed around me, but I do my best to ignore it. Kind of hard to not look though… Anyway I can see both sides…
if you want to avoid conflict, best to not go and say why, or be willing to cover up or find a private spot.
Nope, not inappropriate. If you’re comfortable, everyone else should respect your decision. And the ones who say it’s not filling obviously don’t know what they’re talking about.
I was at my [name_m]SIL[/name_m] house for a Scentsy party of all women, so I felt comfortable feeding my daughter at the party. I excused myself the first time, she wasn’t digging it, so we went back downstairs. But I knew she was hungry, so I fed her there so I didn’t have to leave again. My [name_m]SIL[/name_m]'s mother made the most awful face. I didn’t see at the time, but I wouldn’t have cared anyway. I BF at all family gatherings, in front of my family and my husband’s family. [name_u]Lucky[/name_u] for me my husband is super supportive.
Sucks (pun intended). I hate it when people get squeamish about breastfeeding. It’s not about them, it’s about your baby getting what he needs.
I’d consider not even going to their house for [name_m]NYE[/name_m] if they’re going to hassle you. You could also make a sarcastic joke about the horror of seeing the female body. For practical purposes it’s probably not worth the battle to try to enlighten them if you’re truly outnumbered, but for what it’s worth, I think you’d be justified in standing your ground even in another person’s home.
[name_m]How[/name_m] could anyone not know that breastmilk is preferable to formula? Have they been living under a rock since, what, the 1980s at least…I remember the “Next to the breast it’s best” slogan on a formula commercial when I was a child. Are these people so unenlightened that they’ve never heard of antibodies? Sure formula keeps babies full longer but that doesn’t mean it’s better. [name_m]Just[/name_m] more convenient perhaps. Which I understand is what a lot of people have to resort to for practicality (I’ve just had to start supplementing myself) but it’s crazy to me to hear that anyone thinks formula is preferable to breastmilk.
Breastfeeding is completely natural! I hate that people call it inappropriate. In my opinion, a person who sees it as inappropriate is the one who is inappropriate. It angers me, too!
I’ve never had a child or been in this situation, and i know next to nothing about formula vs. breast feeding (other than breast feeding gives the baby antibodies which is so important, and it’s free!), but would it be possible for you to give him formula for just one night? Maybe be like, “Well I was so attacked at [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], so I thought just this once I’d give him formula, so that you don’t make me leave the room”. Another option would just be to talk to your mother and SO individually and explain how badly they made you feel and that you don’t believe it’s fair to make you leave and be on your own while doing a totally natural process.
Here is the ultimate question: are you prepared for this issue to drive a wedge between you and your family? Would you like to ring in the new year with all of your relatives nearby? If so, I think it’s best to gracefully give in on the secreting yourself away issue (without agreeing that there is anything “shameful” about it). Attempts at “educating” will probably be ineffective, and your son will still be fed in the way you think best, and your family relationship will be maintained.
You don’t need to change anything re: the formula issue. If breastfeeding is working for both you and your son, there’s no reason to introduce formula. On this topic, engage in some dialogue if you want, but be respectful and realize you’re probably unlikely to change anyone’s opinions. Blanket closers like “well, my interpretation of the science disagrees with you, but I respect your opinion” and so on might be best.
When I go to my neighbours house, she doesn’t even worry about a cover up, she sits on the couch with her other kids running around. And on a camp I went on, there were kids as young as five, and one of the leaders was using a breast pump and telling evryone about breastfeeding and pumping, so I don’t understand why they would get so worked up about it.
She shouldn’t have to give him formula for the night to appease someone else. She has plenty of breast milk to feed him, and if she doesn’t want to, or can’t, pump and feed, she shouldn’t have to! Being engorged is terrible, and some babies don’t even like bottles. And he might completely reject the formula. I know my daughter wanted nothing to do with bottles or formula at that age after breastfeeding.
This is a battle I would choose to fight to the end, to the point where I wouldn’t even go over or let my baby go over there if they can’t accept the breastfeeding. I would absolutely stand my ground.
Thank you so much for all the support and opinions! I’ve differed from them in opinion on almost everything since I was younger, so I’m not surprised that this is something I can add to the list. I don’t think I will go visit with them on new year’s. Honestly, I think when we move out of state, I will be cutting all ties with them. It’s a hard decision, and I don’t want it to be this way, but they’ve never respected me, I just always feel judged by my family. Healthy family relationships shouldn’t be like that, in my opinion.
Definitely don’t change what you’re doing as far as breastmilk vs bottle. I wouldn’t worry about weight-gain if doctots are saying things are on track. But I do think you should be gracious and go into a different room without making a big deal about it, if that’s something your family prefers. I think the parents there are allowed to decide what their kids should be exposed to and when, if they can and you should be supportive of that. For our family it was never an issue (i’d just use a cover) but whenever I had to breastfeed at DH’s grandparents family gatherings there were 8 year old and 10 year old little boys there so just to keep everyone comfortable I would just go into another room.
They can make their kids stay in a different room so they don’t have to see. Or better yet, use it as a learning experience. “Women have breasts to feed their babies.” Done.