Here’s one for mums with older kids. My eldest son has recently been refusing to go to school which, with a bit of prompting, he admitted was due to bullies picking on him. He’s 8yrs old and has always been a little bit different from the other kids: very bright, into arts and dance etc. We’ve discussed it with the school who weren’t aware it was happening apparently… Has anybody else had this experience with their kids and found anything in particular that helped them cope?
While I don’t have children of my own, I experienced bullying first hand. I can say that things that helped me best were:
Support from my parents who reassured me that being bullied doesn’t me there’s a problem with you, but the bullies themselves
Having an outlet where I was able to build positive relationships with other people. (Girl Scouts worked for me, but any club or activity should do the trick)
I can’t say that either of these things will help with the current problem at school, but they helped me to build confidence in myself and take back control from my bullies. Eventually what they said or did didn’t matter anymore.
I am not a mum (I’m 13) but I have been bullied a lot in the past year. What helped me and hopefully will help you and you son is that you just need to have a quite chat with just you and him and talk to him about what is going on and ask him if he ever tells anyone at school. I was (and sometimes still am) verbally bullied it was probably because I was of school because I was really ill in 2011 for 4 months. I was often called [name]Harry[/name] or [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Man[/name] just because it rimed with my real name. You might want to have a chat with one of his teachers but bring him along to. I hope that has helped
First, I would contact his teacher to find out what is actually happening in the classroom. [name]Do[/name] you know where the bullying is taking place? Often times it is an uncontrollable area, such as the lunchroom or PE. All schools are mandated now to deal with bullying immediately. The next contact is the school counsellor. Then you should ask your son what he would like to happen. Is it one child or a group? Would he like them to just stop? Would he like them to be friends? What does he want them to do? Can he imagine a scenario in which he could tell them exactly what he would like and how they might respond in a positive way.
You said that your son is artistic. Is he being accused of being gay? Is there one field he is more talented in in a way that the other kids might be jealous? My son was bullied for many years because he had a slight speech problem, and he seemed “different”. It didn’t really end until he discovered an incredible talent for acting, which resulted in his starring as [name]Prospero[/name] in The [name]Tempest[/name] at 18 in a major theatre. Still, even in the theatre there were some kids who still tried to bully him. Eventually he made peace with himself and he has mentored other children. I would suggest contacting your local anti-bullying organisation for specific suggestions, and then making sure that he has at least one safe outlet for friendship and acceptance, whether it’s a dance or music class or whatever. The most important thing is to let him know that he’s not alone and that the bullying will end. If the school does not cooperate, take him out. I am a teacher, but I am also a parent, and sometimes there is nothing to do but remove your child as a target. Only you can assess how serious this is. I hope this helps.
Thanks everyone, We’ve already contacted his teacher/school and they are “dealing” with the kids involved - sounds painful! (and to some extent I hope it is…). He never told anyone for fear of being picked on more. It seems to be mainly naming calling and general exclusion - yes miloowen, he has been accused of being gay which may or may not be true, but seriously what 8yr old really knows… Apparently it happens whenever no-one with authority is watching. He just wants them to stop and leave him alone. He has always been very introverted and there was a time when he was younger when we wondered if he was autistic/aspergers - apparently not though - he can communicate well but he prefers not too. He loves to dance but is getting to the age now where some of the girls in the class are making comments about him being the only boy - he’s not bothered by this at the moment but I can see it being a problem if his confidence gets any lower. I was mainly wondering if anyone found anything in particular however small to help boost his confidence. Thanks for all the advice.
I don’t know where you live, but we’ve got a number of dance classes and a huge children’s chorus which allows boys to dance and develop their inner theatre geek. Has he seen [name]Billy[/name] [name]Elliot[/name] yet? My son [name]Thomas[/name] saw that when he was about nine or so and it helped him with being the only boy in ballet for a while. There are lots of hip/hop and jazz dance classes which are not limited to girls only, at least in my community. I would encourage you to contact local theatre groups so he can get in with a bunch of like-minded kids. Not all theatre kids are over the top. Many are quiet and introverted – my son was – and there are all kinds of volunteer outlets (such as painting sets, etc). Other than that, there are great movies and books about kids who are picked on but who survive. There’s several by [name]Rumer[/name] Godden: The Kitchen [name]Madonna[/name], The Diddakoi (was made into a BBC tv series for kids), Thursday’s Child. Also [name]Jean[/name] [name]Little[/name], the Canadian author, wrote on this theme with beautiful heart-felt books, as did [name]Katherine[/name] [name]Paterson[/name]. Also [name]Jack[/name] Gantos and [name]Joseph[/name] Bruhac, among guy writers. Does he have a pet? Often a child receives solace from their animal – I know I did. I was picked on for being a “boy” like girl and for being smart. My cat provided me with a non judgmental friend for years. Oh, [name]Jean[/name] Craighead [name]George[/name]'s My Side of the Mountain books – [name]Sam[/name] isn’t picked on, but those books can stimulate the imagination so for an introverted child, the idea of taking control of one’s life and doing things for one’s self can be so crucial to a child who feels powerless. Let me know how you get on.
I’ve been bullied a lot while my Elementary school, until I was 10 I think. The worst part is that my teacher was never involved in such problems and sometimes even suported it. I remember my mom going to school and discussing all the problems with my teacher. Step by step it got to normal.
I agree with teacherma that an outlet like dance classes would be great for him. First of all he would be involved in smth he really enjoys and secondly, he would meet lots of other kids who share the same hobby your son does.
Children are just cruel these days. I think there’s nothing to do about that, it completely depends on the parents.
This isn’t entirely related to the problem, but I’d like to add something about the dancing aspect of it. As a dance teacher and a performer, I’d like to say that as a child in school, it might be tough, but if he continues with dance (or any other art form) he most likely will be the star. I always used to get jealous of the boys at dance. I always wondered why they got all the lead roles and the solos and why they were more sucessful. It’s probably a great outlet for a kid who has a hard time in school, the girls at dance always are honored to get to dance with the boy, and he will get more opportunities to shine than them. School may be tough but he defintely has other places to be well-respected and the “leader” of the others. Good luck!
