What are your thoughts of calling dibs on a family surname? A few years ago I wanted to use my mom’s maiden name as a first name if I had a girl (I had a boy). I’m pregnant again but only a few weeks so I haven’t told anyone. My cousin (our moms are sisters) just posted on Facebook that she is calling dibs on the surname (which is also her middle name) and says she’d be devastated if someone used it. It’s her special bond between her and her mother. She’s not even pregnant. I feel the name is just as special to me because it is also my moms maiden name and I’d like to honor my grandfather. He didn’t have any sons to carry on the name. Thankfully, at the moment I would use the surname as a middle name so I don’t see a problem. But do you think it’s right or even fair to call dibs on a family surname- especially when you’re not even pregnant?
That’s ridiculous. You can’t “call dibs” on a family surname. It’s your mother’s maiden name, and you have just as much right to use it as your cousin. When the time comes, tell her to suck it up.
I think it is ridiculous, you cannot use call dibs on a name if you are not expecting. You cannot say “do not use a family name because I want to use it”. First come, first served. Especially since it is a family name, it is not a name that is solely hers, it belongs to all of y’all.
First come, first serve, in my opinion, use it. Your cousin will get over it or she could use it as a middle name too if it’s so important to her.
I worked out with my sister how we could split family names/honouring people so that we wouldn’t have too many double-ups. Neither of us was pregnant (though both of us would like to be). It was voluntary though, not really shrieky and demanding.
It worked out really well, actually, since my husband vetoed a few names us girls both liked and at least I know they’re going to good homes. 
Anyhow, the loudest, most irritating person I know who dibsed a name and carried on about ANYONE using it - and it was in the local Top Ten at the time for added levels of hilariously wrong - actually didn’t end up using it. I joke that after all the scenes she made, she should have HAD to name it that.
Three of my cousins have the same name, [name_u]James[/name_u]. It’s fine. No one can Dibs a name because we are all over then age of ten.
Since you both have equal interest in the name, there can’t be dibs. I would use it and if she complains, just tell her it’s after your mom and grandpa. It does’t put the name off of the market, she could still use it. It’s not like you’re using the name of her dearest friend you’ve never met.
You can’t call dibs on a name. And if you only want to use it as a middle, I don’t even see it as a problem. If I loved a name, I wouldn’t really give a care if one of my family members already had it as a middle, I’d just use it anyway. Hopefully you’re family member feels the same way, and doesn’t end up devastated! xx
I don’t really think anyone can call dibs on a name. But that doesn’t mean this doesn’t occur in families and cause some issues. Obviously, I don’t know your family specifically, but you do have to consider family dynamics. In fairness to your cousin, it is her middle name. I guess that gives her a very slight edge to using it. Clearly, you both have a connection to it as both your mothers maiden name too. When you were pregnant before, did you mention wanting to use the name? [name_m]Both[/name_m] my cousin and I gave our first born son’s the middle name of [name_m]Mark[/name_m] (our grandfathers name). No one was irritated or had hurt feelings. But it was middle names and we get along well. I did tell my family that I wanted to use [name_f]India[/name_f] as a name. No one else in my family wanted to use the name (our great grandmothers) and it made the most sense for me to use it since I’m the one who is most into family history. Still, all my cousins have a right to use the name (it would bother me a bit though if someone else used it for a first name). I guess what I’m saying is that it would be a good time to have a conversation with your cousin. Sooner rather than latter. She may or may not be upset with you using the name. Honestly, if you are using this as a middle name and she is using it as a first name, it really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Hopefully, she will come around to that way of thinking.
I love that so many people use the phrase ‘first come, first serve’ with this issue - it makes me imagine a shiny diner filled with babies. I completely agree, she can’t place a name, especially a surname, in a state of indefinite dibs.
Can’t call dibs on a name. Names don’t belong to just one person, they are for anyone who want to use it to use it. I love the name [name_m]Brent[/name_m] (my dad’s mn), but my sister had a baby first and used it as his first name. Oh, well. I found a way to use my dad’s fn (as long as the future father of my children agree’s with the name). It’s slightly different when it comes to uncommon names, I think, though. If I knew someone that I was close to (family or friend) and they used a super unique name that I liked and wanted to use I would definitely talk to them first. If they weren’t okay with it I would look further for names along the same style. [name_m]Just[/name_m] to keep the relationship good.
I nanny for a family that named their daughter [name_u]Taylor[/name_u] (a boy name that has become unisex due to so many people using it on girls). I met another little girl with the same fn AND the same mn. When I told my [name_u]Taylor[/name_u]'s dad he laughed and said '[name_m]Don[/name_m]‘t tell her mom. She hates it when she hears the name on other kids!’. Well, then, they shouldn’t have used such a popular name that follows a popular trend.
I agree with most previous posters in that you can’t call dibs on a name, especially a family name. Also, wanting to use it as a middle shouldn’t cause your cousin to take issue with it anyway,
That being said, even though I wouldn’t call ‘dibs’, I would be absolutely devastated if a close family member named their child what my husband and I have picked out should we ever have a boy. Of course, it’s not exactly a family name…so it’s a bit different.
Anyways… I agree with Elo, you should speak with your cousin one-on-one about this issue!
When I was pregnant three years ago I talked very openly about naming a daughter my mom’s maiden name. The name is Hasley ([name_m]HAZE[/name_m]-lee). My cousin and I even had a conversation about how we both loved the name. I said to her “well there may just be two little Hasley’s running around one day. Which is fine because we both love our Grandpap”. Fast forward to now. Her sister in law is pregnant and she “claims” the name and states how she realized a few years ago how special the name is to her because of the bond between her and her mom and she’s claimed it ever since. She seems to “forget” any convo her and I ever had about me naming my unborn child it. She doesn’t know I’m pregnant again yet. I do feel there is a slight tilt in her favor because it is her middle name. I am the oldest grandchild though and all my life I wanted to change my last name to Hasley. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I’ve always hated my last name. To this day I’ll meet someone that knows my family but not me personally and they’ll say “Oh you must be a Hasley! You look so much like (fill in the blank with my mom’s name or one of my aunts’”. I’m still going to use it regardless, although in a middle name spot. Not because of my cousin’s feelings but because I don’t think Hasley and my son’s name [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] sound like a cohesive sibset. Thank you for all the comments. I wanted to see if I was being ridiculous for getting upset. I just don’t think a family surname can belong to only one person.
I think it’s 100% fair to say, “I’m going to use this family surname because it’s important to me”, but to say “But all my other family members can’t use it even though it’s equally important to them” is the part that is unfair.
I can understand wanting to call dibs, but I think there are better, more polite ways of going about it!
My sister has dibs on a few names, which always seemed fair to me because there was the chance she’d struggle to conceive. I don’t think it would be fair between us for it to be a first-come situation when one person is running the race with only one leg 
I think it’s fine to have more than one kid in a family with the same name. If you love it, go with it!
It’s a family name. No one can call dibs. You can ALL use it! My daughter’s middle name, [name_f]Lucille[/name_f], was my grandma’s name. If any or all of my cousin’s decided they wanted to use it, too, that would be totally cool with me. She was a wonderful lady and deserves the honor.
The more I think about it, the more upset I get. I texted my cousin and explained how upset I was that she felt she could claim the name as hers and no one else is allowed to use it. She basically said it’s wrong and I’d be breaking the bond between her and her mother. That’s its little of me to even consider using the name. She even went as far to say I’d never heard of the name before her. (I had to chuckle at that one. First of all- it is not only my mother’s maiden name but also her CURRENT last name. Secondly using a mothers maiden name is an old tradition for many many families and it doesn’t take some creative genius to come up with the idea.) I told her we’d have to agree to disagree.
It’s as if she’s saying my connection to my mothers maiden name- my grandfathers last name- and a 1/4 of my ancestry is discredited because it’s not my middle name. The name is bigger than just her getting it as a middle from her mother. It belongs each and every Hasley descendent. It’d be different if I were adopted or married into the family. Or if she were passing down her name like a “[name_m]John[/name_m] [name_m]Henry[/name_m] [name_m]Smith[/name_m] IV”.
It’d also be different if I only decided to use the name after she had mentioned it, or if she were pregnant. Or if growing up all she ever talked about was naming her daughter Hasley. She’s even making up false conversations that we supposedly had while I was pregnant before where she told me that she’d be upset if I used the name. I’m not a cold hearted person- if she had actually mentioned this to me before when I first said I was going to use the name Hasley [name_f]Olive[/name_f] for my daughter- I would be more understanding. However nothing was ever said other than how much we both love the name and that one day there could be two Hasley’s because of how much we love it.
Her brother recently had a baby that is the fifth of his name. I think she’s trying to show that she has “name-lineage” just as significant by using her moms maiden and her middle name.
Am I being hormonal or do I have a right to be upset?
I would be upset too, but this may be one of those times in which more conversation (to attempt a resolution) at this point will only make the situation worse. You have a right to use the name (especially as a middle). You are correct that using family surnames is a common and longstanding tradition. You can control what you say to your cousin but you don’t have any control over her response. I would just use the “broken record” approach (that’s what my counselor called it). So, that means if she brings it up, you have a short, rehearsed response that you say. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t attempt to explain, justify or get into an argument (that’s the hard part). So, your broken record could be something like this, “It is important to me to honor my mother and our grandfather. I also understand and support you using the name for your son.” Then stop. Really. No matter what is said, you repeat and then you can either walk away or point out that you’ve said stated your feelings in the matter. And then walk away or change the subject.
Best wishes!
I guess someone can only call dibs if you decide to let them.
Making a Facebook post about it is a pretty passive aggressive way to let you know her hopes. She put it out there for the whole world to see instead of bringing it up to you. Now you could be the bigger person & give her a call to let you know you will be using the name, but no matter what every friend & relative will have seen the post & heard your baby’s name second, making this cousin seem victimized by you in a way.
I let my sister “call dibs” on our great grandmother’s name, which is a beautiful & not too popular one that would be so refreshingly sweet on a girl of today. Despite the fact that my sister is not having kids anytime soon if ever, I felt like I would let that one go cause she really liked it and I didn’t think it would be very nice to call her out on her lack of stable relationship or her youth for the sake of grabbing her favorite name. But it wasn’t extremely meaningful of a name for me either…
My advice is go ahead and comment on her post. Write it all out first and let her know what the name means to you & what nickname you plan to use if any & that you look forward to your ______ meeting her little ______ one day. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you totally hope she never uses it once you do!
This is very true. We did eventually end our texting on good terms. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though we live a few miles away from each other- we rarely see each other and never hang out so it will be easy not to continue to stir the pot.