My husband and I are really struggling with girls names. We don’t love or agree on anything. My husband admitted last night he can’t imagine naming the baby before he/she is born which is why he was so difficult when we were naming our other children. It’s starting to make me feel really down, to the point where I don’t even want to get out of bed. I know it’s a bit ridiculous but I’ve cried myself to sleep over it the last 2 nights.
With our first I told him the minute we found out I was pregnant that if it was a girl we were going to name her [name]Elizabeth[/name] after my late Grandmother, he loved my Grandma so I knew he wouldn’t say no. With our second we had many fights about names, it got to the point that we were politely arguing about names in at the hospital and she wasn’t named until 4 hours after birth. We ended up naming her [name]Annabelle[/name] which is the name I wanted from the start.
So far this pregnancy my husband has vitoed every name I really like. Most of them because he feels no connection to the name and admits he won’t feel a connection until the baby is here. Can I choose a name he at least doesn’t hate and make the final decision once baby has arrived? Can I make the choice entirely on my own?
Secondly: My list is not very long but I would like some opinions on how these names would work with sisters names [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name]
The names I like that he doesn’t hate:
[name]Ruthie[/name]
[name]Violet[/name] (I’m worried about using this as our niece’s name is [name]Charlotte[/name])
[name]Susanna[/name] (I keep coming back to this but feel weird using it since we already have [name]Annabelle[/name])
Names I really like that he has vitoed for stupid reasons:
[name]Guinevere[/name]
[name]Genevieve[/name]
[name]Harriet[/name]
I wouldn’t recommend choosing something on your own without any input. It is his daughter too, even if he’s being less than helpful with the naming. I totally understand - getting my husband to talk names is exhausting and frustrating. Unless he’s told you that he doesn’t care and it’s your pick, though, I would include him.
Perhaps you could start practicing referring to the unborn baby by the name you like most? That might acclimate him to the name or help with th whole feeling a connection thing. Try a couple different names that you like and see if he responds positively to you using any of them. Things like “oh! i just felt [name]Ruthie[/name] kick!” or “man, [name]Violet[/name] has me craving some strawberry ice cream.” You might find that he ends up using one of the names himself!
On [name]Violet[/name] - other than the ending sound I don’t see much resemblance to [name]Charlotte[/name] and I thinks would be totally fine to use
I wouldn’t make the final decision without him, just because the baby is something you two share. He might feel a little angry and upset with you for doing that. I understand where you are coming from (men are soo frustrating!) with him not being able to come up with a name, but it sounds like he isn’t doing this to hurt you, he has a legitimate reason.
You could maybe try and get him more involved with your pregnancy. Decorating the nursery, asking him what you think she will look like. Get your other daughters involved too, so the baby becomes more of a reality. Once he starts viewing the bump as a daughter, he may take more of an interest in naming her.
Or make a small list and brig it to the hospital and he can choose from it. Or let him choose her middle name.
I would just go prepared with a few options you know he doesn’t hate and then finalize the decision once the baby is born.
I think [name]Violet[/name] is the best option of the 3 he doesn’t hate. [name]Ruthie[/name] is nicknamey compared with [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name] and it also sounds much older to me. [name]Susanna[/name] is lovely, but I think you’re right - not ideal when you already have [name]Annabelle[/name]. [name]Violet[/name] has a similar ending sound to [name]Charlotte[/name], but they aren’t similar in any other way. It’s not going to make things confusing at family gatherings or anything, so you have nothing to worry about.
If you go with [name]Violet[/name], you’ll probably want to avoid the middle name [name]Harriet[/name] because of the alliteration of the ending sound and [name]Tracy[/name] because with the t-ending and t-beginning next to each other they kind of blend together. I would pick whichever one has the most significance and/or made the most sense with your other girls’ middle names.
I would chose [name]Susanna[/name] or [name]Violet[/name]. I wouldn’t worry about similarity, you can’t cross every existing name, can you? [name]Don[/name]'t cross you husband, it’s his child too, and I am sure he can sue you for that. Doesn’t some legal regulation say name is compromise between both parents? In my country it does.
I would not choose a name without your husband’s approval. It’s his baby, too, and the name should represent a compromise between both of you. [name]How[/name] would feel if he chose a name without your approval?
I would definitely not make a decision without your husband’s input. Having a few likes to take to the hospital is a great idea. From your three that he doesn’t hate I especially like [name]Violet[/name]. I think that [name]Violet[/name] is a great name and is beautiful with both [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name]. Good luck!
I think [name]Susanna[/name] is too close to [name]Annabel[/name], and [name]Ruthie[/name] is too nicknamey next to your daughters. I don’t think [name]Violet[/name] and [name]Charlotte[/name] are too close for cousins though. And I definintely wouldn’t make the final choice without him.
[name]How[/name] about you make a list of your top ten names. He can remove one only if he has one that he can replace it with that you also like, and if he hasn’t put any names of his own on there by the birth then that’s the list you’ve got to pick from. That’ll get him thinking and involved with naming.
Thank you for your responses. I don’t think I could actually name the baby without my husbands approval, it just feels like he’s never going to make a suggestion or agree with anything I suggest. He has only ever made 1 suggestion in all 4 of my pregnancies, [name]Catherine[/name] but that’s my cousin’s name so I feel weird using it even though I have only seen her 4 times in the last 15 years. [name]Do[/name] you think that would be weird? Or would [name]Catherine[/name] still be usable?
I asking him just a minute ago if he would prefer I choose a few names I love them we can choose from those together closer to baby arriving. He said that might work. (I guess that’s kind of a yes?)
We don’t know the sex of the baby but I’m thinking I might pay to find out since this is stressing me out so much. If we’re having a boy we have 2 names chosen already since we have already named 2 girls, 1 baby we lost and no boys we’ve already done all the arguing about boys names. But I’m rambling now… Hormones and emotions make me crazy.
I’m sorry this is so difficult for you. Men are weird creatures. Him saying “that might work” sounds like a man yes to me. That’s how they do it. If he refuses to talk names, you find a top five or something and bring that to the hospital, it’s his own fault if he hasn’t helped in the process. I get that it’s more difficult for the fathers to feel the connection, but they have to be sensible and try to understand us as well.
I think you can use [name]Catherine[/name]. It’s a beautiful name, and it works very well with [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name]. I also like [name]Violet[/name], and I don’t think it’s too close to [name]Charlotte[/name] at all. Good luck, I know you’ll choose a wonderful name.
I think [name]Catherine[/name] is definitely usable for you. I agree with ottilie and think you should come up with a list of your top 3-5 names to bring to the hospital and then he can help you choose from that list. I’d say put [name]Catherine[/name] on the list, and then whatever other names you like. I do like [name]Violet[/name].
I think you can totally use [name]Catherine[/name] if it’s the name you both like best, even if it is your cousin’s name. 1) You said you rarely see your cousin. 2) It’s so classic there are bound to be a number of Catherines/Katherines in everyone’s family, so I doubt people will think you named her for your cousin. 3) [name]Catherine[/name] has so many nickname possibilities, so you could always call your little [name]Catherine[/name] something other than what your cousin is called.
I think [name]Violet[/name] and [name]Catherine[/name] are both equally lovely in the sibset.
I think [name]Catherine[/name] and [name]Violet[/name] are lovely and both usable. You barely ever see your cousin [name]Catherine[/name], and like the previous poster mentioned, [name]Catherine[/name] is very classic and it’s likely there will be more than one in a family. [name]Violet[/name] is definitely not too close to [name]Charlotte[/name]! I also love [name]Susanna[/name] but with [name]Annabelle[/name] I don’t think it’s the best. [name]Ruthie[/name] is very nicknamey and old sounding next to your other girls. I think [name]Madeleine[/name]/[name]Madeline[/name] is another name that would fit into your sibset very nicely.
Honestly? I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but IMHO the mother should have the final say in naming the kid. You carried the thing for nine months; your opinion matters most. Especially since he hasn’t made any suggestions or contributed anything substantive to the conversation.
Yeah, no. That would be like a husband telling his stay-at-home-mom wife, “Since I’m the one out there making the money, I get final say on how we spend it”. Marriage is a partnership and should be treated as such.
Anyway, I’m with everyone else in that you should just narrow it down to a few names that you really like and present those to your husband after the baby’s born. I also think that finding out the sex ahead of time would be a good idea, that way you don’t have to stress out about two sets of names. And who knows? Maybe if you find out the gender, your husband will be able to focus more on naming the baby. I also think that [name]Catherine[/name] is perfectly usable. Since it’s a such a classic, traditional name, I don’t think anyone would bat an eyelash at the fact that you have a cousin with the same name.
I know how you feel, my husband is the same. I suggested [name]Malcolm[/name] for next baby and he just said “absolutely not” apparently because of [name]Malcolm[/name] in the middle. I thought it was a good choice considering both our fave names (which the other hates…) however he is adamant that if we have a boy it should be [name]Michael[/name] or [name]Steven[/name]… I have a cousin named [name]Steven[/name] and we grew up next door to each other… So frustrating!!!
He also argues he can’t talk about it until it’s “real” and used that argument with our first too. They don’t seem to get that the fetus is very real to us and we have this crazy bond and have a need to name this baby who we already feel we know so well!
That said, I could never name our baby without him.
I think you can use suggestions of other posters to go prepared. You can also force him to make a list of # of names he likes or that would be acceptable. Or give him a long list of names you find acceptable and he can choose from there!
That’s what we did last time.
Why do you HAVE to have a name before the baby is here? Why can’t you wait until you actually meet him/her? It’s one thing to have a short list but you want a name right now. He’s not comfortable with that and that is not being difficult.
I want to meet my child before I name them and I’d be highly annoyed if my partner was pushing me to decide.
I think [name]Catherine[/name] is still usable, it’s such a classic name and you hardly ever see your cousin. I also like [name]Violet[/name]. Too bad he vetoed [name]Genevieve[/name], in my mind it’s perfect with your girls’ names! [name]Love[/name] the suggustion of making a list and telling him he can’t veto any unless he comes up with a sutible replacement and then taking that list with you to the hospital and choosing from it. Also you didn’t ask for suggustions but do you like [name]Caroline[/name]? I love it with [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name]
[name]Catherine[/name]'s my favorite with your girls. I like [name]Catherine[/name] [name]Ruth[/name].
I see no problem with sharing a name with the cousin, and I don’t think it’d seem like naming her after the cousin either.
Deep breaths. You have til [name]November[/name]. I know you’re frustrated, I hear you, but [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Annabelle[/name] are doing fine despite previous naming frustrations. This little one’s going to be just grand too.
