Can you call dips on a baby name?

General Name Discussion
1

So, here’s the thing.

My partner and I have been together for a long time and for the past 6 years while we’ve been in this parenting malarkey we have only ever really agreed on two names for a girl! One name has since been chucked out the window due to it being to similar to our youngest sons name, therefor unusable.

We are now expecting again - this time a little girl. My favourite name for a girl is [name_f]Flora[/name_f], but my partner doesn’t like it and has his heart set on this other name, which I’ve agreed to since I like it and it does give me that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Plus its the name we keep coming back to and have for the past 6 years of baby name talks and both our boys absolutely love it too (they’ve said no to all other names but this one, so it felt like the perfect name!)

However, I shared this with my younger sister who was, well she wasn’t happy! As it turns out our other younger sister (who is 16) wants to use this name if she ever has a daughter. She has talked about it before (1 year+ ago), but I said to her then that we’ve talked about this name too.

Now, my sister is calling me disrespectful. But I can honestly say I did not steal the name - we’ve talked about it for 6 years and even discussed it when we were naming our cat!

My 16 year old sister and I don’t speak much and we don’t live in the same country. We haven’t seen each other in four years and even before then contact was sporadic as we grew up apart from each other.

The big problem is apparently this - The name is their paternal grandmothers middle name, BUT it’s also a family name on my OHs side (similar connection to my sisters). She won’t believe there is a family connection on my OHs side though and says their connections is stronger and therefore they should have it.

I’ve said that when my sister gets round to having kids (10 years +), if she still wants to use it, has a daughter and her OH agrees to it, by all means - use it! I won’t get offended by that in the slightest - they’ll be cousin but hardly ever see each other.

Question is, should I drop the name as my 16-year old sister also want to use it or stick to my guns as this is the only name my OH wants for our daughter, especially considering it has equal family value on both sides?

2

Whoever has the first baby girl gets the name so that’s you. :slight_smile: Since you and your sister aren’t close, the name has been on your radar for years and there is a family connection on both sides then I don’t think you should feel bad for using it. She sounds like a typical 16-year-old: a little self-centred (ME, ME, ME the world centres around ME; It’s mine all mine! ). It was long ago but I remember the angst-ridden teen years. :slight_smile: Always choose a name you love and don’t let anyone else ruin it for you.

3

I would still use it. If you’ve loved the name that long and you both agree to it then use it. Especially since there are family ties on his side of the family too. It sounds like your contact with your sister is minimal and how many times would the 2 kids with the same name even see eachother? She is only 16, by the time she has kids she may change her mind. I don’t think I like many names I liked back when I was 16. She could even end up having all boys. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t pass up a name you love for a little girl you’re having NOW just so your sister could MAYBE use it in the future if she even has a daughter. [name_f]Imagine[/name_f] it’s 15 years from now and she’s done having kids. She had all boys or she had a girl and never even used the name… you’d probably be pissed right? That could very well end up happening.

What is the name if you don’t mind me asking? It sounds like it may be fairly common. If that’s the case, even more reason for it to be okay to use it.

4

It’s not actually the 16 year old who says that - she doesn’t know the name yet as, well we don’t speak! Last time we spoke was back in [name_u]August[/name_u] which was a quick congrats on her good exam results. Its my other younger sister, who’s 20 that’s angry with me.

5

I agree with mischa. Plus there’s no guarantee she’ll ever have a girl, or that her significant other at that time will agree to that name. AND 16 year old tastes can change drastically by the time they actually end up having a child. I say go for it.

6

It IS fairly common. It’s in the top 100 in the UK and gaining popularity in the US too (number 142 and rising). Its not really that common where she lives (country) but is in the UK where we live.

7

Okay so the sister who doesn’t even wanna use the name is mad because you want to use a name that your 16 year old sister MIGHT want to use in the future? That is ridiculous. Use the name. Your sister is being crazy.

8

Yep, thats about right. I’m sure my 16-year old sister will be a bit miffed, but I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her about it recently, other than when she mentioned it 1 year + ago when I said we like it too.

And our children aren’t very likely to mix. By the time she has her kids my daughter will be min 10 years and I doubt she’ll have seen my daughter more than maybe twice.

It does upset me tho… I don’t like being called names or having this much drama over a name! I’m too pregnant and hormonal to not become very upset by it!

9

If she had mentioned the name and you hadn’t come up with it yourself it would be a different situation to me (I do believe in “it’s not okay to steal someones baby name”, sure you can always do it but it is just very unpolite). In this case though that didn’t happen. You both loved it without knowing the other did. It also seems to be a common name, since there are more than one family members with the name. That makes it even less bad I think.

10

No, no one can call dibs on a name. My sister and i just had this discussion because our other sister tried to call dibs on names her pregnant sister-in-law was considering and like…no. The first person to have the baby gets to use it.

I understand this topic can get dramatic, because of “name stealing” but…i doubt very many people name their child out of vindictiveness to someone else. It’s much more likely that they just happened to fall in live with the same name.

I am guilty of this, even on here. For example, i absolutely adore [name_f]Clementine[/name_f], and when i see people on here thinking of [name_f]Clementine[/name_f] for their kids i have to squash down that “no no no that is the name i love, you can’t have it!” reaction and remind myself that other people can love the same thing i love just as much as i love it and that i have no greater claim to it than they do. Its the same offline, i think. It can be tough to swallow, but i think we all need to be reminded that we all have equal claim to names.

My recommendation: use the name you love. Your 16 year old sister will get over it (i like to think that few people stick with their 16-year old taste), and your 20 year olds sister will too.

My cousin used a name my sister had called dibs on, and my sister still used it as well. It could have been really tense and dramatic, since my cousin already had a very different name picked out for her kid and changed it to the other only after my sister gushed about it and mentioned her “dibs”…but it ended up being a non-issue. The kids have the same name, and they see each other maybe once a year, and they think sharing a name is cool.

11

Go for it.

I think it’s ridiculous. If I ever have a son, and want to name him after my father - I will do it. Since the situation is ridiculous that your sister is mad for your younger sister’s case… The situation would be different if your sister had talked about how much she loved a name and was 100 % sure she planned to name her future kid… and you then realized you like the name.

In this case it’s a family name on both sides. I just think it’s the first one to the mill in this case, which is you. And honestly? Your sister is sixteen. When she’s around to have kids, she might not even like the name anymore. God knows, many of my favorites, when I was 16 got dumped. And she might not even have girls… Or children at all. And it doesn’t sound like they will meet often, so go for it :wink:

12

I think its all yours. If you and your parnter have talked about it for years and all but settled on this name (which happens to have family ties to boot), you should definitely use it. As far as I’m concerned, claim on a name can be made during pregnancy but not before. Besides, with the space and age difference between the children in question (assuming your youngest sister even HAS children, let alone a daughter & sticks with that particular name however many years later) I don’t think it’d be an issue.
If your sister was TTC right away & lived in the same town & you saw her once a week or something then my answer might be different.

13

Use it!! My taste in names has COMPLETELY changed since I was 16 (and that was just 5 years ago), so she may find a name she likes more when she has kids. Plus, like others have said, she may not ever have a girl. Since you two aren’t close you guys may only see each other once every few years, so I don’t think it would be a problem if she did end up using that name. I have 2 cousins named [name_u]Bailey[/name_u] on my mom’s side of the family, but they don’t see each other that much, so there’s no confusion.

You liked the name first and you are having a girl before her, so you should get to use it. :slight_smile:

14

DEFINITELY use the name! Your sister is young and probably won’t have children for another decade at least. Who knows if she’ll still like the name then? Especially if the name has meaning for your husband’s family.

By the way, I think you mean “dibs” not “dips” :wink:

15

Of course you can use it. And your sister can, too, if she still wants to when/if the time comes. Who cares? I think everyone makes too much of a deal out of it. There can be two people with the same name in the same family, it doesn’t really matter. I have two cousins on my mom’s side that are both named [name_f]Brittany[/name_f]. My sister and one of our cousins are both names [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]. There’s a [name_m]Brian[/name_m] and a [name_f]Brianna[/name_f]. My name is [name_f]Kathryn[/name_f] and one of my younger cousins is named [name_f]Kathleen[/name_f].

Also, if you’re one sister is getting bent out of shape about it because your other sister wants to use the name, it seems to me that she’s just mad at you for some reason and using that as an excuse, but it just doesn’t make sense. Who would be worried about what a 16-year-old kid thinks they may someday in the distant future want to name their hypothetical daughter, when their other sister is actually pregnant with a real daughter that really needs a name.

16

I thought it looked wrong lol - Its getting late >_< yes I meant dibs :stuck_out_tongue:

17

I think you definitely have the right to use the name in this instance! Best of luck!

18

I seem to be the only one, but I disagree with everyone. You can call dibs. Background
My mom must have called dibs on my name. It’s her grandmother’s name and everyone in our family loves this name. It was mom’s favorite #1 girls names from about age 6 onwards when she promised to use it. She was one of the youngest children and she was the last to get married and the last to have children (mainly). It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t immaturity. She didn’t have the options that other people did. If one of the family (Particularly her siblings: I don’t know about the cousins for all I know I have second cousins out there with my first name Not last) had the stolen the name, it would have been particularly nasty since they are close and since my mom had fertility problems and things beyond her control that kept her from using it. I think it would have been a slap in the face if they used it, because they got pregnant before she did. Like she didn’t matter and they do.

Now that’s my situation, but we are/were fairly close for a big family. In general I think you only get to call dibs a couple times. So if my cousin has two girls already wanted the same name for a third girl that I want for my first girl I might use it. That being said once of my cousins likes a name or calls dibs, I generally cross it off my list.

Now as to your situation. Your sisters didn’t chose to be so much younger than you. That’s not their fault. That being said, it sounds like you aren’t close and don’t get along well so if you aren’t speaking to the one who called dibs then she can’t complain. If you don’t care, go ahead and use the name. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be surprised though if she choses to use it. You have to right to use the name, but she also has the right to use the name. I wouldn’t expect them “to get over it”, because clearly there’s a lot more going on here then the names. I don’t think using the name will help the relationship in the long run, but only you can determine how much the relationship actually means to you. If you want a relationship with the 16-year-old, I suggest the most important thing is to try to open a line of communication. If it were me, I would try e-mailing my sister right now and explaining why I wanted to use the name, explaining the connection to hubby’s family in precise detail, and explaining that you understand she wants to use it, but so would you. I wouldn’t exactly offer to give up the name, but I would ask her for her understanding and peace.
I don’t think she has the right to veto your use of the name, but I do think she has the right to be a little unhappy about it. The idea that she is less important and may never marry or have kids doesn’t seem like a good reason.
Again I recommend talking to her.
Good [name_m]Luck[/name_m]!

19

I think you are reading waaay too much into this, Emilyva.

My 20 year old sister and I are actually very close, - we talk to each other every day and we aren’t that far from each other in age as it might seem (4 years). And I’ve already said I don’t mind if my 16 year old sister uses the name, I’d be more than happy for her to use it. My 20 year old sister and I get on great usually, but she is known to be very feisty and very temperamental! Its not something I dislike about her, its just the way she is - I’m more calm and relaxed about things.

My 16 year old sister and I can talk, and we do too. Our main problem is that we have busy lives. I have two children, a partner and a home - she has her school, friends and boyfriend. Due to how expensive it is to call or text we use facebook to talk, but quite often we simply aren’t online at the same time (there is a time zone difference). When we do speak, we speak quite freely with each other and we have a lot in common. No, we aren’t close, but we get along just fine and have never argued with each other before.

Our relationship isn’t helped by the fact we live in different countries. My 20 year old sister is a student, my 16 year old is a student and I’m a full time mum - neither of us have money to just jet off an visit the other part as much as we’d like. That’s not because we don’t WANT to see each other, its because of variables making it impossible for us to do so.

I highly doubt I’d loose either sister over a name. And I never said it wouldn’t ever happen - I’m sure both my sisters will have children! In fact, my 20 year old sister is in a happy, stable relationship. My 16 year old sister is in a relationship too and has been for the past 18 months. Where you get the idea from that I don’t wish my sisters well, or have said they’ll never have children, I don’t know, because I did not and would never say that.

There really ISN’T anything else going on then the name - my 20 year old sister is a hot head, always has been, always will be. She can get angry about the funniest things and usually it doesn’t upset me, because having lived and shared a room with her all our childhood I’m pretty used to it! I’m also used to her venting out on me because we ARE that close, on the flip side, I’m also the one she shares her sorrows, worries and joy with. Its part of being sisters.

My 16 year old sister - she was only 10 years old when I left the country we are from and she’s lived with her dad since she was 1 year old - at that time I was only about 8. It was never because I didn’t WANT to see her, but the circumstances of our childhood prevented it.

Again, I think you read way too much into it.

20

I agree with everything shilo said.

This situation has too many variables for you to give up on the name you love and agree with your partner on.

Your sister lives in another COUNTRY, you don’t often see her, meaning your children probably won’t see each other much either.
The name has personal and familial meaning to you.
You are currently pregnant while your 16 year old sister is not and won’t be for years.
You have talked about the name for SIX YEARS!
Use it!!

And there is the one true rule to fall back on: the person to have the baby first gets first dibs on the name. Simple as that.

I know you are stressed and emotional about this, but leave it to the rest of us to show you the logic in the situation.

I have 5 sisters so I know how difficult sister relationships can be. But please don’t let what they are saying sway you from using a name you love and ruin your opportunity to enjoy your pregnancy. They will get over it and you will love the name you chose for your baby. And life will go on for the 16 year old name snatcher.

Stick to your guns, stay focused and good luck!! :slight_smile: