[name]Hi[/name]! I am newly pregnant. I have been on this board before, but have forgotten my user name so I re-registered. (do not have the same email account I don’t think). ANYWAY…I am 42 yrs old. I keep dreaming I am having multiples. I really do not think I could possibly be having twins, not concerned at all. I am sure the dreams as symbolic, especially since I “feel” like I am not having multiples and mother’s instincts are usually on. I remember in one pregnancy, shortly before giving birth (with my now 17 yr old) I dreamt he was sextuplets and none of the babies would stop crying! And then, he was born, and cried sooo much, it was shocking. He screamed and cried around the clock. Turned out he had some health problems and is ok now. SO…I am figuring dreams of multiples means this baby will be A LOT of work, LOL. I am worried to tell dh that one.
ANYWAY, I have blood work this week on [name]Tuesday[/name] and I am sure they will have me come back on Thursday. Then, they usually will schedule a sonogram 2-3 weeks after that. Usually, with me, they will get it in pretty early actually due to a past ectopic pregnancy. But the sonogram that would show the heart beat and all would be 2-3 weeks later. However, I am going out of town for the first 3 weeks of [name]July[/name]. Part of me wants to push the sonogram until we get back, but another part of me knows that I am not a patient person, at all. Plus, the upcoming trip includes visiting families. Oh how I wish I were the patient sort! Would you/could you wait? (oh, and if it is ectopic, which I doubt it is, it would show up by then I would think, my ectopic I had before showed up by then)
[name]Love[/name] your opinions! I should add that I just always feel like I am always so excited and impatient while I am pregnant, I wanted to take things easier and slower this time…sort of…enjoy things maybe? This will surely be my last pregnancy. Thanks!
edited to add: I am trying not to tell anyone I know, like relatives and friends, because…I already have received remarks from having babies at my age and “warnings” to not have another…by friends and relatives. My doctors say it is fine. So, if I have a loss or something, which is common at my age, I do not want to add to the “told you so” fires. I also want to reduce how long I will be being told how terrible I am for having another baby at my age. Sadly, I got the same lectures when I had a baby at 33 as I did when I had my last at 41 (she was born right after I turned 41). [name]Just[/name] a lot of hysterical, rude age remarks.
I can completely understand not wanting to tell people for a while, for a multitude of reasons! I don’t blame you at all, people can be ridiculously in your business when it comes to pregnancy. I would say wait on the sono because of that, but personally, I like to know where things stand health wise, as soon as I’m able. And with you, having had an ectopic pregnancy in the past, I would think it might give you some peace of mind to at least be able to scratch that off the list as a possible problem…? You might enjoy your time away a bit more with some reassurance that things are going along just fine. You can still wait to tell people until you are really ready to do so. That’s my 2 cents’ worth. Best of luck to you with this baby.
I wouldnt put it off and how cool would that be to have twins?!! I cant believe people told you 33 is too old to have a baby! What is the argument that people are making for it being “terrible” to have a baby at 42? I just think terrible is a strong word to use and am curious to hear the arguement their making for it being “terrible”. [name]How[/name] many kids do you have if I may ask?
For one, the older the mother is the more likely the baby is to be born with Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) I don’t mean this to be rude but you’re asking why it’s so “terrible”. I wouldn’t call it terrible, but it’s a risk. You could do some reseach on the risks.
[name]Don[/name]'t necessarily write off twins… I had dreamed of having them my whole life although I have NO family history of them at all. At our first ultrasound we had quite the shock to see our two little beans. Best of luck with your pregnancy!
I have twins and generally you can tell from how your body feels. I wouldn’t wait though I am always impatient to have my u/s. Usually though they can tell from your bloodwork, your hcg will be basically double what it was in your singleton pregnancies. Lots of luck!
We have a neighbor who had a baby in her 40’s. She is Mormon and a wonderful lady. Anyway, that last baby was severely disabled. He is an adult now, but the parents could not even attend their other children’s graduations (only 1 could go at a time) because of him needing constant care and no one else really being able (or more like willing) to babysit. He is in his 20’s and required constant, around the clock care. He is at the level of someone below 1 yr old.
In my mother’s case,. she and I just have never gotten along. She never wanted children at all (she has told me this many times, my entire life) and thinks that every child we have is a huge burden.
I am not able to wait either. I thought about it after I posted. I know ever since my ectopic pregnancy, they have done frequent sonograms until they are sure everything looks great. This means until the heart beat and then another week after that.
Well, the older you are, the more problems there are with child birth, it’s a well known fact. I don’t think it’s wrong, you just have to be prepared that you might not have a healthy child for that reason. The prime time for women to give birth is between 25 and 30, after that, you run many risks.
Congratulations!!! Whooo Hooo!!!
I am 41 and on IVF, so I guess I am ‘pro’ becoming a mature mother
To be honest I had my first at 20 and know 100% that I have alot more to offer a child now- financial stability, experience, knowledge.
Forget the nay sayers- this is your life, live it and celebrate the love you can give this baby/s.
Your risk of twins is higher, but not hugely higher. To be honest it would be better of this were a singleton pregnancy for you as it reduces the risk of other complications. Be aware your risk of miscarriage is also higher (I just had a MC- very heartbreaking).
What will typically happen is they can do blood work these days to determine a risk factor for genetic abnormality PLUS a NT test. Based on that result you can elect (or not) to have more invasive testing (eg an amnio) to have a clear full understanding of genetics of the baby/s. While it is true the risk of a genetic abnormality is higher it is not as high as you may think. Indeed many genetically abnormal embryos simply fail to continue or implant- thus weeding out many genetic abnormalities. http://www.lpch.org/diseasehealthinfo/healthlibrary/pregnant/tests.html
Once you are fully informed of the medical impact of the genetics of the baby you can decide whether it is in the best interests of your child to continue with the pregnancy. Naturally this decision is VERY ethically/ morally charged- but each person will know what decision best suits their own beliefs.
I for one will not be sharing my news (once pregnant) with anyone other than our parents until I am so far along that I can no longer hide the pregnancy. By this time all the genetic testing will be completed. My reasoning is that I have had previous pregnancy complications and want to be quite secure knowing that the pregnacy is viable before spreading the happy news.
Best of luck, the waiting is hard and does your head in.
Again, congratulations!
There is nothing wrong with having babies in your forties! [name]Even[/name] if a person is insane enough to think that way they should be polite enough to keep that opinion to them self. Congrats on your blessing!
I know a family with a severely disabled child who was born 2nd in birth order (they have 5 kids). They had all children between this so called “golden age” of 25-35 too. I also know a family who have 3 children born after the mother was 40 and they are all healthy and the births were uncomplicated. Genetic abnormalities and birth complications occur in pregnancies of all aged mothers. To me, risks are just that, risks. You have to weigh the pros and cons personally. It’s ok to give statistics or refer someone to a study you think they might be interested in based on their age, but probably best left to only if someone ASKS for that information. All mothers are more than able to do their own research. It’s rude to make generalized assumptions and start listing out all the things that can go wrong.
To the original question - I’d go for the ultrasound early to check for viability/heartbeat. You will be able to go away not worrying so much. You don’t have to share the news with family at that time, unless you feel it’s necessary. If you did happen to see two heart beats, you might want to start resting during the day, increasing the amount of protein you eat, avoiding heavy lifting, etc. Those are things you might want to know about going into your trip. It also might be fun/funny to not tell family and see if anyone guesses or catches on to little hints you drop throughout the trip.
I think you’re as likely to have twins at 42 as at any other age. More likely if you’ve had fertility treatment.
On a side note,I cannot believe that people who know you would be so thoughtless! I can’t imagine even thinking “I told you so” if someone had a loss,regardless of age,never mind actually voicing it out loud to the person in question!
Actually it is one of those less known facts that your chance of twins is higher at 40 and older, without fertility treatment. This is due to ovulation patterns becoming more irregular as you get older, so skipping ovulation or releasing multiple eggs becomes more common. It’s not extremely high odds, even then, but it is a bit more possible over 40.
I know an absolutely wonderful mother who had her two children at 38 and 42. They were both born perfectly healthy and she and her husband are great parents. My mother had me at 32 and my manager at work is pregnant with her second child, at 33. Why anyone would say someone 33+ is too old to have children is beyond me, and really the idea that women over 30 are past childbearing years is ridiculous nowadays. Women are waiting until much later to have children and are great parents with healthy babies. As long as you’re in good health I say don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I hope your numbers keep going up and your pregnancy goes smoothly! [name]Just[/name] wanted to offer my words of encouragement. Good luck!
