[name_m]How[/name_m] do you feel about using names to honour family members that are similar, but not the exact same name, because the original names aren’t your style or don’t flow well? If you have kids and have done this, how did the namesake(s) react?
Some examples would be: changing nicknames to full names ([name_f]Catherine[/name_f] to honour a relative named [name_f]Cathy[/name_f]), picking names that are unrelated but sound similar ([name_f]Laura[/name_f] to honour [name_f]Lorraine[/name_f]) or using an alternative form of the name ([name_m]Ian[/name_m] instead of [name_m]John[/name_m]).
I think it depends on what it is, but I’m generally against this.
The times when I think it’s okay:
Nickname to a full name, but you plan to call the kid by the nickname. Especially if the namesake has a man’s nickname ending with -y, e.g. [name_u]Bobby[/name_u], [name_u]Ricky[/name_u], [name_m]Jimmy[/name_m], because I feel like there’s a certain stigma to having that as a first name.
Anglicizing (or similar for another language) a name, especially if the original would be challenging in the country the baby will grow up in because of spelling/pronunciation. For names that have become part of the set of English names (e.g. [name_m]Sean[/name_m], [name_m]Ian[/name_m], [name_f]Karen[/name_f]), I don’t like it, unless the person being honored doesn’t want their name to be said incorrectly in the English way.
Overall, though, I really dislike it, and it makes me sad when I see a post along the lines of ‘we’d like to honor someone named ‘x’ but we don’t like that name so would another name that starts with the same letter/has the same meaning, suggestions?’ If you don’t like their name, that’s okay! But I think if you want to use an honor name, you should actually use their name (with the above exceptions that I think are okay.) They’ll still love the baby even if it’s not named for them, and there’s ways to honor people without saying ‘I dislike [name_f]Deborah[/name_f], would calling her [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f] work because [name_f]Deborah[/name_f] means bee?’
Personally, I think it’s more about the intent than the actual name. If you picked a name because in your mind it honors so-and-so, then it’s an honor name.
I’m at least the fifth generation Car- on my mother’s side. Two or three similar names have been used on a rotating basis. If I have a child, I’d like to keep the tradition going, but I don’t want to use those names because it’s downright confusing! So I’m looking at variations, some of which don’t even start with Car- but have the same roots. But my intent is still to honor the women who came before.
Still, since I haven’t named a child or had a child named after me, I too would be interested to hear how honorees have reacted to a modified honor name.
I think it is perfectly fine! I actually think it can be a nice idea…the honor is still there, but the child gets its own name, that the parents like, too. The only thing is, it can be tricky to pull off. For instance, members of both sides of our family have already said that, if the name used isn’t the exact name, it doesn’t count. They also think that, if you have to think about it or explain it, it doesn’t count. shrugs
generally I think its fine, but the more you need to explain it the less if feels like an honor name.
for example: I’m using [name_f]Rayna[/name_f] as an honor name for my mom, [name_u]Ray[/name_u]. My mom has always disliked it and said her name is a “mans name” (mostly because of the spelling I think). so I’m using a feminine name that has “[name_u]Ray[/name_u]” as the main part and could be shortened to it if my future daughter wants to. I don’t really have to explain all of that to most people, as the connection between “[name_u]Ray[/name_u]” and “[name_f]Rayna[/name_f]” is pretty clear.
I also don’t want to use the exact name of someone who is alive, at least as a first name. I know how confusing that can get and would like to avoid it. so as long as you don’t have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to see how its connected, I think its fine to change it up a bit and still call it an honor name.
I’m very much for this.
A parent shouldn’t be forced to use a name they dislike if they want to honor someone. There are so many ways to do that, so why stick with using their name if it’s not your style? You’d still be honoring them by using their middle name, a foreign variation of their name, a similar sounding name or even their favorite flower or place. It’d still be a special connection between you and that person no matter how you established it
My thoughts exactly. It’s true that they’re sometimes a stretch, but as long as the person being honored knows it’s for them, they’ll feel special.
I think how the honoree feels about their own name should also be a factor. For example, I’d love to honor my grandmother [name_f]Edna[/name_f], but she hates her name (and her middle name.) So for her, I’d likely honor her by using an anagram of her name, like [name_u]Dean[/name_u] or [name_u]Aden[/name_u], on a boy, which would make her much happier than if I used [name_f]Edna[/name_f].
I also like honor names that honor a specific quality, habit, or beloved thing (ie “Mom’s favorite flower was a lily so we used [name_f]Lily[/name_f]” or “Dad loves to fish so we used [name_m]Fisher[/name_m] or [name_u]River[/name_u]”) as a way of really honoring who the person is/was rather than just what they were called.
Most of the honour names I’ve chosen aren’t the exact name of the person I want to honour. Currently the only name that is a ‘direct’ use is [name_f]Frances[/name_f] (my sister’s name) and honestly it’s mostly being used just because I love the name! On the other hand, [name_f]Marigold[/name_f] is a combination of [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s middle name [name_f]Mary[/name_f] and my mum’s maiden name [name_m]Gold[/name_m]. [name_u]Avery[/name_u] my family surname, not a direct honour for anyone but I know it would mean a lot to my dad. [name_f]Judith[/name_f] is a middle name, the relative did not use it in day to day life. I’ve also considered using [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] to honour an [name_m]Ian[/name_m], [name_m]Nino[/name_m] to honour an [name_m]Anthony[/name_m], and things like [name_f]Calla[/name_f] to bring in someone’s favourite flower etc. The use of Irish names honours my SOs family regardless of which name I use!
I agree that intent is one of the most important things is intent. There are so many ways to honour someone, it’s definitely reasonable to find a way that lets you use a name you like!
I don’t think honour names need to be the same as the honouree’s name at all.
My name is a subtle nod to my granny, sharing the same initial and syllable-pattern. It’s not that my parents disliked her actual name, but just that they thought it was important for me to have my very own name, with its own roots and backstory.
I don’t think honouring should be viewed as a way of appeasing your relatives, but rather a way of encompassing something that is important to you in your child’s name. For example, I would consider the name [name_f]Solveig[/name_f] as a way of both honouring my Scandinavian heritage and my mother’s deep love of the sun.
I completely agree with what many have already said. [name_f]Honour[/name_f] names come in many different forms and ultimately it’s the intent that counts.
For example I really want to honour my paternal grandfather. He sadly died when my father was barely a year old, so I never got to meet him. However I know from aunt, who is a lot older than my father, that my grandfather must have been a wonderful and very loving dad.
But I wouldn’t use his actual name which was [name_m]Rudolf[/name_m] as it is a little too old-fashioned for my taste and - more importantly - it always reminds me of [name_m]Rudolph[/name_m] the [name_u]Red[/name_u]-Nosed Reindeer.
So I’ve decided on using [name_m]Raphael[/name_m] instead: same initial plus [name_m]Raphael[/name_m] means “God has healed”. The meaning is simply perfect, since my grandfather died due to a heart problem that wasn’t curable then, but only a few years later doctors would have been able to heal him.
I’d also be using [name_m]Oscar[/name_m] as a middle for that, which is a name I have always loved and I have just recently discovered that this was also my grandfathers mn.
I am a big supporter of honor names that are not actually their given name. At least in my experience when you give a child someone else’s given name they end up getting called a nickname 90% of the time, especially if the relative is still living. Some ideas I use when brainstorming:
Names based on where they grew up (the town, city or even street names)
Their birth month/ flower/ stone
The name they wished they had been named or used on their own child
Their birth season
Names based off their interests (like my father is an archer so I have considered [name_m]Fletcher[/name_m])
Names that have the same meaning as their name
International variations of that name
Surnames and their variations (like to honor a grandmother maybe use her maiden name or a variation of it)
The intent to honor is what counts. Many of my honor names aren’t obvious but that doesn’t make them less special. For example, I have [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] as a middle name for a girl to honor my dad because one of my favorite memories with him is when we stayed up late when I was a kid and watched an Olympic soccer game where [name_u]Alex[/name_u] [name_u]Morgan[/name_u] scored the winning goal in the dying seconds of the match. [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] has nothing to do with his name but it’s a memory I’ll always hold dear, and something my dad and I bring up from time to time. Watching soccer with my dad is Our Thing, and something we both look forward to.
I find it ridiculous and circumstantial to think honor names have to be obvious. Ridiculous because it suggests that people only feel truly honored if their actual name is used. Who cares if you have to explain it? I have no doubt that my dad would still be touched that I named a daughter in honor of a memory I share with him. And, circumstantial because if someone doesn’t like the names of important people in their lives, well sucks to be you, guess you can’t honor them! Oh well.
TBH, the names in my family are too common or dated for me. I don’t see myself using anything too terribly obvious. I also don’t want my kid to share their name with any living member of the family. I think kids should get their own names. Give your kids names you love that honor even in a roundabout way, don’t sacrifice that ability just because their name isn’t your style.
I definitely like names that honor people but are not the honouree’s name. In fact, I prefer it. I’m not sure I’m going to name my kids “after” people, but I like the idea of incorporating parts of family names. I’m not even sure I would use a name already in the family— I adore my late grandpa’s name, Felix, but since it was his name I’m not sure I’d use it on my child.
For instance, in my family -
Felix - love, would maybe use
Zigmund - love, would maybe use
Robin - love, would use as a middle or swap for another bird’s name (Wren, Lark maybe, or even Blue for Robin blue)
Cynthia - don’t like, but would use Hyacinth as a middle to honor or maybe Thea ~ those are stretch names but I prefer them & do still feel they honor her
Dorothy - love but would use Dot instead, or perhaps Dorothea
Lucille - don’t like, but Louise is a favorite and I do feel it honors her
My dad’s name - don’t like, but he was a Navy sailor and I feel that Sailor or Navy as a middle would honor him
My mom’s name - don’t like, but her favorite holiday is Valentine’s Day and I feel using Valentine as a middle honors her
My sister’s name- wouldn’t use, but her favorite flower is a daisy and I feel using Daisy honors her
I think it works if you feel it honors them. Louise, Wren/Blue & Hyacinth as middles aren’t really my family’s names or even variations of their names but I feel it honors them and that’s what matters. Being a sailor, Valentine’s Day & daisies are important things to my close family and so I feel using Sailor, Valentine & Daisy would honor them. Personally, using pieces of my family to construct the name of my child instead of simply naming my child the names in my family feels much more personal & symbolic to me.
I think that selecting a different version of a name, or a name that honours something about the character or history of the honoree, is a great idea!
It would go over well in my family because we have a fairly silly situation of exactly shared names, which has been annoying the family for, oh, nearly seventy-odd years at this point: I’ve changed the names, but my mother is (eg) [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Jane[/name_f]; her sisters are [name_f]Deborah[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Catherine[/name_f]. My grandmother was [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Ellen[/name_f]; her sister was [name_f]Deborah[/name_f] [name_f]Susan[/name_f], while her sister-in-law was [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f], and her mother-in-law was [name_f]Catherine[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f]. I have an Aunt [name_f]Deborah[/name_f], an Aunt [name_f]Mary[/name_f], a Great-Aunt [name_f]Deborah[/name_f], and a Great-Aunt [name_f]Mary[/name_f].
[name_m]Even[/name_m] better? In this scenario, I’m [name_f]Jane[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f], my only female first cousin is [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f], and of my mother and aunts’ first cousins, two are also [name_f]Helen[/name_f] (there’s a third [name_f]Helen[/name_f], my second cousin, who’s a neice of one of those Helens). The only one who escaped the madness completely is my sister: every single one of my other female relatives (a grand total of 6 women from three generations) has [name_f]Catherine[/name_f], [name_f]Jane[/name_f], or [name_f]Mary[/name_f] as their middle name, even if they have their own first name. Wondering about the men in my family? Suffice it to say there is even less variety.
Yes, I have a small family. No, we’re not very adventurous namers!
My name honors my grandma, we have the same baptism name, but different variations of the Anglicization. Which I appreciate my parents doing because her nickname was [name_f]Fannie[/name_f] and the original name woudl have been cumbersome. I don’t think it negatively impacted the connection I felt in sharing her name.
I agree it is the thought to honour not the precise name that matters. Obviously trends come and go, taste also differs greatly.
My Grandma was [name_u]Jean[/name_u] and I wished to use her name or similar for my eldest 's middle name. I considered [name_f]Jeanie[/name_f] but used [name_f]Jenna[/name_f] instead, both being derivatives of [name_f]Jane[/name_f] and the same letters. I can’t say for sure what she thought as she was very frail when [name_f]Lys[/name_f] was born, I hope she didn’t mind too much! I think she would have understood and agreed that [name_u]Jean[/name_u] isn’t to everyone’s taste.