Hello! I’ve been skulking around Nameberry for a while, but I’ve just now created an account. I’m engaged now, and part of the pre-wedding planning is if I’ll be changing my last name. I had always planned on changing my last name when I got married, but my fiancé’s surname clashes horribly with my first name. They are different by only one syllable, and even those two syllables are very similar. The more I say it, the better is sounds to me, but I’m still not sure if I want to change it. But the only reason I have for not changing it is purely aesthetic, and I feel like that isn’t necessarily a good enough reason. What do you think?
I just got married so I know what you are going through. I do not have an issue with my husbands last name but I have an attachment to mine (it’s who I am and suits me) so I kept debating between dropping it and taking his, not taking his or hyphenating. I decided on hyphenation but some of my friends didn’t take their husbands. If it bothers you I would hyphenate or not take it! But that’s totally a personal decision.
Would it sound better if you hyphenated it? There’s nothing wrong with keeping your name, [name]IMO[/name], but it seems like the only thing holding you back from changing it is how it sounds.
I saw a birth announcement for a baby. I’m not using the real name here, but say the family’s name was [name]Bailey[/name]. The mom’s name was [name]Bayleigh[/name]. That was not a choice I would have made.
When I got married, I knew I was going to take my husband’s last name. It’s a tradition, it would make us sound like a family, I would share a last name with our future children, he wanted me to…there are a lot of reasons why I wanted to do it. That being said, it was still a little sad. You grow attached to things, like last names, after having them for 20-something years. I don’t dislike my husband’s last name at all. It sounds very nice actually; so nice people often use it as a first name for their daughters. It still took awhile to get used to it, though. And I mourned the loss of my original last name a little bit. I liked the way it sounded with my first name. Everyone did, I would seriously get compliments on it sometimes. The odd Y in my first name seemed less out of place to me when I had a last name with a Y in it. But, over time, you just get used to hearing your first name with a different last name. [name]One[/name] thing you could do if you’re really concerned about disliking the sound of your first name with his last name is to just add his last name to the end of your full name. That gives you the choice of still being referred to by either on separately or both together.
[name]Welcome[/name] to Nameberry, and congratulations on your engagement! Another option, apart from the obvious hyphenation, is to legally take his surname but continue to go by your maiden name in everyday use. You would formally carry only his surname, so that is how you would sign things, but your daily alias would be your maiden name, the one that you feel sounds better. That way you are giving him the gift and honor of taking his name, and your household would have an official unified surname, but you could introduce yourself to people as your old name and keep your old name on Facebook and other such unofficial places, since that is the name that sounds better to you. [name]How[/name] does your fiance feel about the whole thing?
I think most women kind of weigh the pros & cons of both. I took my husband’s name even though it’s spelled differently than it sounds, it’s long & awkward with my first name…but I didn’t feel much of a positive emotional connection to my own last name which isn’t even the name of the people who raised me.
[name]One[/name] thing that I really wanted to do was to smush both of our surnames & make our own last name but I didn’t even come close to convincing my husband of that idea!! I thought it would be so much more fun than an awkwardly long hyphenate. In the end, I just dropped me easy to say & spell surname that had emotional baggage anyway. And yet I still don’t fully feel his surname is my own many years later!
Good luck! Hopefully you figure out what works best for you!
I started a thread like this a few months ago: Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums
Ultimately, I decided to keep my maiden name. My husband isn’t very happy about my decision, but, I just couldn’t bring myself to change my name. I use his name only occasionally (for example, my name on Facebook is [name]Sarah[/name] Maidenname Marriedname). When we have children, they will have my husband’s surname. Like Alzora suggested, I considered changing my name, but using my maiden name on a daily basis, but it’s confusing at work, for example, when you insist on being called one name, but your bank account and superannuation details are in another name. For me, aesthetics were never a consideration. I was surprised when most people suggested the only reason not to change your name was because it sounded bad. The main reason I chose not to change my name was because my name was an important part of my identity. I’m not very concerned with having the same surname as my children. They’ll still be my children no matter what our surnames are!
If I was in your shoes, I’d consider hyphenating. Obviously, you would like to change your name, but the aesthetics are bothering you. With your surname in between your first name and your husband’s surname, maybe your whole name will sound nicer?
I’ll share my experience since I was sort of in the same situation. I never particularly liked my maiden name (funny sound and spelling) but the older I got without getting married, the more attached I became to it. But my husband wanted us all to have the same name, so I initially was quite happy to take his. And then I started to think about it. My first name is [name]Andrea[/name]. My husband’s last name starts with the same first 4 letters! And is also 3 syllables. Talk about alliteration! [name]Every[/name] time I say it, people give me this look - aw how matchy matchy cute!
So, anyway, I live in [name]Ontario[/name] where (I’d guess) 99% of women who change their name can assume the husband’s last name (e.g. change driver’s license and health card, maybe take husband’s name socially but keep maiden name professionally) but not legally change their name (birth certificate stays with your maiden name). I had always planned on doing that, but my profession is the one and only that requires a legal name change (i.e. birth certificate needs to be changed). I was pretty sad about this but I wanted to have the same name at work as at home so this is what I’m doing. I changed my birth certificate when I sent away for our marriage certificate, and just yesterday I went to the government office to change my driver’s license and health card.
I still have many more places to change it, and it really is quite a hassle. I feel very conflicted about the name change. On the one hand, I am happy to be a Mrs. A - his family is wonderful and I’m happy to be a family unit with the same last name, but on the other hand, it was odd to give up my last name for 29 years. Sometimes I wish I had made my maiden name a second middle name. So when I can, I plan on going by [name]Andrea[/name] T A, at least until I’ve gotten used to being Mrs. A.
Sorry for the long ramble, it feels good to share! Good luck with whatever your decision is! And congratulations on the engagement!
I’ve still got some time to think about it. We aren’t getting married until next summer. The more I think about it, the more I want to just get over the fact that my first name clashes, and take his last name. My current last name isn’t great–it’s difficult to spell and pronounce, and I often hear it pronounced very similar to a certain piece of lingerie. His last name is in the top 20 most common surnames in the country. The only thing that is keeping from being 100% sure that I want to take his last name is how badly it clashes with my first name. His last name means “son of ", and my first name is a feminized variation of "”. I already have two middle names, so I can’t really add my maiden name onto my middle name. If I take his last name, I’ll most likely use my maiden name as my middle name. This is so complicated!!
And thank you for the congratulations! 