[name]Hi[/name] [name]Samantha[/name],
I’m in my 50’s and I changed my name when I was about 30, so I thought I’d tell you a little about my experience, comment on your thoughts, and maybe offer a little advice.
First, if you are over 18, you have every right to change your name. I would say though that if you are young (under 25, maybe), it might be best to wait till you’ve been ‘on your own’ for a while. More on why in a moment.
You say that though you hate [name]Samantha[/name], you’ve always been called [name]Sam[/name] or [name]Sammy[/name]-[name]Mae[/name]. I think [name]Samantha[/name] is a beautiful name and has a fairly fluid image–a name that sort of becomes the person it is attached to. [name]Sam[/name] and [name]Sammy[/name]-[name]Mae[/name], on the other hand, I see as names with images that are, if not universal, somewhat predictable. If those images are not something you are comfortable with, I certainly understand your discomfort. My birth name was [name]Candy[/name]. Let’s face it, [name]Candy[/name] is, at best, a not-quite-bright 5 year old, and at worst, a stripper. Like you I was never comfortable with the image. Unlike you, I didn’t have a fall back. Have you ever ‘tried on’ [name]Mae[/name] or [name]Samantha[/name] for an extended time? I’d suggest that you try, unless you truly, truly dislike both names.
Not everybody has a ‘great story’ of why they were given their name. That’s not a really good reason to change your name—and even if you do, you won’t have the story. I agree, that if I had used a name for a pet, it would have been off my baby name list, but there it is: your mom did name you after the cat. I’m sure it was meant well. And changing your name isn’t going to change the fact. And, as an adult, you don’t have to tell the story if you don’t want to, or you can tell it with humor.
Your last reason for wanting to change your name also resonates with me. I am also not close to my family. I have always felt apart from them. However, I think it’s very common to feel this way when you are young. Some people, not all, grow out of it. Others, like myself, do not—with legitimate reason. But, and again this is speaking from experience, that trapped feeling is almost completely apart from your name. [name]Even[/name] after I changed my name, I still had to work on finding a comfortable relationship with my family.
Now those might all sound like reasons not to change your name. They are not. As I said, I did it and have never regretted it. But I think they are all good reasons to wait (if you are still young). And I have one more: When I finally decided to change my name, I found it was difficult, and having since named a child, I know that it was even more difficult than naming a child. When you name a child, the name you choose has some element of what you hope that child will be, how he will be received, what your wishes for her are. When you name yourself, you are saying “This is what I think I am” or, perhaps, “This is what I aspire to be.” If I name a daughter, say, [name]Willow[/name], it might mean I hope she is graceful. If I name myself that, it means I see myself that way. I found that I had to discard a lot of my favorite names, because although I would have loved to be ‘regal’ or ‘graceful’ or ‘intellectual’ or ‘ambitious’ or ‘dainty’, or whatever, I wasn’t. It was a very good exercise in getting to know myself. And that’s the reason I’d suggest you wait, if you are still at home, or still young…you need to give yourself space to find out who you are…not just who you wish you were. After all, you don’t want to change, and five years later find yourself uncomfortable with the name YOU chose. I had the luxury of having a good long time to make my choice of name. I knew that I would be moving cross-country–starting a new life, if you will. It made the transition easier, so if you can foresee any big change in your life…graduation from college…starting a new job…timing the two events together might be helpful.
[name]One[/name] last thing. I would never have been able to convince my family to call me by my new name. The close friends from my ‘before’ life really made an effort. My family refused to even understand. [name]Even[/name] people I thought would understand resisted (“Oh, [name]Candy[/name]'s such a SWEET name.” Seriously.) So, I answer to my old name to my family, to acquaintances from ‘before’ and to my friends who don’t see me often and sometimes forget. I don’t let this bother me—I just shrug and say that “Oh! I answer to both” and smile. There’s no point in fighting a battle that can’t be won.
(Btw, my screen name is NOT my real name).
and huge changes…like my name…would just be weird. Maybe you truly are sick of your name, and this isn’t just a bad day for you. Then go ahead. But always, always remember to.think it through.