I’m sorry this is off topic but what is your opinion of allowing children at your wedding or not? [name]How[/name] did you reach your decision? A friend of mine is getting married and in the early stages of wedding planning and I am trying to help her decide. Her brother’s daughter is the flower girl and a family friend’s son is the ring bearer, does that mean all of the other guests need to bring their kids? As a mother, would you want to bring your kids or not?
Her other idea is to maybe just have a relatively small (about 60 people, close family and friends) wedding and reception, then have a big barbeque with 300+ people a few weeks later, kids included.
Basically what I’m asking is for an opinion from a mom’s point of view. Would you be upset if you couldn’t bring your kids?
I had a somewhat large (100+) wedding in a wedding hall and we included all of the children of our guests…not everyone brought along the little ones, but we gave them the option. I like kids at weddings cause they look cute dressed up, usually rule the dance floor and I just have always thought of them as good luck at weddings. That said- I would have been one of those parents who left the baby with a sitter- cause I would want to dance, drink, socialize plus my baby is tiny tiny and weddings are loud. But I would also love the option to bring baby just in case no one was available and it’s nice to feel the whole family is wanted to be a part of the occasion. [name]Even[/name] better is the lavish affairs that include childcare (not in my budget!) but that’s a whole other thing.
I see the other side of it…if you are going for a sophisticated and quiet event that is intimate or super upscale or even sexy or if you want all of your guests to be focused on you and your love and various readings/toasts/long ceremony ect…well kids might not set the scene for you. I think it’s a matter of personal style and what you envision for your wedding.
I was not a bridezilla at all. My main goal was to get all the people I love together and provide open bar and lots of food! I knew a lot of people might not be able to make it if I didn’t include kids, plus I like kids, so it was an easy decision for us!
I think it all depends on the style/location/tone. If the wedding/reception is at a ritzy, upscale place, it may be better to not include kids (same goes with small spaces). However, if the location is large and a a more family-oriented location, it would be great to include kids. Either way, you’re probably not going to please everyone so go with the option that suits you the best. If you do go with no kids however, you might want to work with the parents of the flower girl and ring bearer so they aren’t sitting there bored the whole night. [name]One[/name] idea might be to have a baby sitter come get the kids after the formalities (dinner, pictures, toasts, first dance, etc.) are completed. That way, the kids still get to feel a part of action as well as not be there bored with nothing to do. Whatever you choose, remember that this is your wedding and don’t let someone else dictate they way your night will go.
I think that if people have babies and need to feed them and pamper them because they are so young then it wouldn’t be kind to exclude the baby because you would probably be excluding the parents too.
If the couples with children can afford a babysitter then I think it would be better if the children did not come en masse, just a few select ones eg flowergirl. If however you know it would put a monetary burden on a couple (close family) then invite them all.
To include the crowd ie distant relatives and friends and their children have an afternoon tea set up in the church hall so that this lot of people can enjoy mingling with the other guests for a while and then the reception guests would move onto the reception and everyone else would go home.
You would need to make up two different sets of invitations one the casual one and one for the reception guests.
When I married I added up the number of children and they were 50% of the guest list. I decided not to invite children to the reception.
As a mother I sometimes had to decline events when I had no babysitter available. So some people may decline to come for that reason.
Ultimately I don’t think many brides or grooms want children playing ‘tips’ around the wedding cake at the reception venue, throwing tantrums on the carpet during speeches or crying babies over dinner.
If you invite children you have the whole ‘children at adult tables’ or ‘children only tables’ problem. Personally I HATE child only tables as I can’t adequately supervise my child/ren. [name]One[/name] option is to offer a sitter and adjacent room for parents- but that all adds up.
If it were a very informal family outdoor type wedding maybe kids could be OK. A lunch wedding might work with a few kids- ie less than 8.
I think even the darling cute bridal party kiddies get bored and tired by dinner time and it is often better to have them go stay with a relative from the ‘other’ side of the family.
[name]One[/name] exception: breastfeeding babies should be permitted.
So, hmmm… I [name]LOVE[/name] kids, I am a teacher. But at a wedding reception? Not unless they are the children of the bride and/or groom.
At the ceremony? For sure, but at the discretion of the parents.
A friend of mine hired a babysitter for her wedding. All the kids sat at one table and they provided some coloring and small activities for them. The kids were supervised and entertained but never far from their parents, (though there were only like 6 of them).
I’ve also been to weddings where kids are running wild and tearing up the decorations and stealing the guest favors (very annoying). I guess it would depend on whether your friend knows the temperament of the kids she might invite and if she wants them there.
If I got an invite that requested no kids, I’d find a sitter and enjoy the night with my husband, but I guess some people could take offense.
That was actually way more helpful than I even expected it to be. Thank you so much! It’s nice hearing it from a mom’s point of view and not a bride’s. Has anyone done the ceremony and reception separate days?
I love kids so I’m going to give everyone the option of bringing their children. A lot of them will be under 5 so I doubt they’re even going to need a meal, so cost isn’t an issue (though if they want a kid’s meal, that’s fine. I’m thinking of the 1-3 year olds that will probably just eat off mom and dad’s plates). Our best man and one of the bridesmaids (who are getting married about 2 months after us!) have 2 kids and we’ve already sorta discussed having someone else come to help watch their kids. I’m thinking about inviting one of her friends (who I’ve hung out with a few times but not good enough friends that I’d invite her otherwise) to watch her kids so they can stay all night and have a good time without worrying too much about the kids. I probably won’t do this for everyone, but since these kids will most likely be in the wedding party, it’s not like they can just leave the kids with a babysitter for the day/night.
For myself, I think it would depend on the wedding. I’d probably bring my own kids (I don’t have any yet) to like a family wedding I didn’t plan on staying at long. But to a friend or close family member’s wedding where I was maybe in the wedding party or want to drink at the reception, I’d probably leave the kids with a babysitter (or if someone offers to watch them AT the wedding, that works too). I think I’d appreciate the option of bringing my kids, so I could make my own decision on the matter. But I wouldn’t be totally offended if I couldn’t bring my kids unless there were a lot of other kids going.
I just remembered at my daughter’s wedding the two children in the bridal party (the only two children at all) went home after the wedding photos to stay with their grandmother and I think it is a good idea for a night wedding as the children get tired about 7pm.
There are so many ways to handle this. bottom line is that the bride and groom should decide on the tone they want to set and the experience they want at their wedding and go from there. I will say this - if family are traving in from a distance for the wedding and have children and children are not invited to the wedding, then arrange/provide reputable suggestions for child care.
As a mom, I do not expect my children to be included in the invitations we receive to weddings, but I am delighted when they are.
[name]Just[/name] had my wedding-had my neice, and two nephews in bridal party but they left during nibbles-no kids at the party/dinner! I wanted to let the parents let their hair down!
I personally don’t have a problem with children at weddings, but I suppose its a very personal decision! I know if I was having a very large wedding and there was lots of alcohol [which isn’t my personal style of wedding, but is to a lot of people], I wouldn’t have children there. But if it was a smaller get together it wouldn’t hurt anything. Also, not bringing young children could be easier, I’d think. As they tend to want to run around and talk loud… so if the distraction would upset you I wouldn’t recommend it. Maybe even ask some teenagers to volunteer to watch the younger children in a seperate room while the wedding is going through! I also think it all depends on the child. Some children are very well behaved, and will sit through the ceremony and reception quietly, while others are off the wall and scream and have fits. So as the mother, I’d look at the child and decide if they are a good idea to bring along
I’m not a mom yet, but from my point of view, I’d understand! Because the bride is probably being cautious of ill behaved children maybe. And it really isn’t too big of a deal to hire a babysitter for the night! But if she is worried, I’d stick to maybe my above offer? Maybe there are a few young woman who wouldn’t mind babysitting in another room?
Though, a small wedding with just close family and then a big celebration/BBQ is a nice idea as well! And it could easily include the kiddos
The only person I’ve known to have a wedding and reception on different days was my uncle. For his second marriage he and his new wife had just close family for a very small civil ceremony in [name]April[/name], then invited their extended families to a bbq at their home that summer to celebrate. The only kids at the ceremony were their own, but all were welcome later, (of course it was very laid back and at their home so it didn’t matter if kids were running around).
I’m sorry but I really hate kids, esp babies, at wedding! We allowed them only at the wedding not reception and the only one that was there (of 150 guests) still screamed during the ceremony. At my friend’s gorgeous ceremony one mom didn’t want to miss the vows and prayers and would not leave even though her young child was very loud and distracting for the whole dang thing. [name]Trust[/name] me it is not common sence for many parents to sit on the aisles for quick exits; they just stay there loudly shushing the screamer. Kids hog the dance floor and you have to be really guarded so that you don’t smash them. I hate when the parents have to leave early because the kids are fussy! I’m paying for the DJ and booze til midnight so please don’t cut out at 9! They were not invited to the reception since it was about $90 per plate and we all know how kids eat. Haha I know I sound like a B-word but we provided free childcare for our guests in the same hotel we had our group rate & afterparties at (with free transport and pizza for kiddos) just so the parent could let loose and really have a good time!
