In all sincerity, I would feel as though I failed them, but I would tell them they have every right to go by whatever name feels natural to their spirit. Up to a certain age, I define their world for them… but at some point, they are mature enough to pull from their own wisdom.
This is very true! And very important.
I hated my name in middle school and high school because it gave me away as the different one. As you say, the problem wasn’t the name, it was the absence of self-love. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents helped me to build the necessary courage to think of myself as worthy, equal and deserving of occupying the same spaces as the majority.
By the time I got to that point of saying “nope, I’m not like you, but yes, I deserve to be here as I am” I had already transformed my name into [name_f]Elle[/name_f], but what was important was feeling comfortable in my own skin, and once that happened, being [name_f]Rochelle[/name_f] or [name_f]Elle[/name_f] was secondary.
I couldn’t have gotten here without my parents helping me affirm my value and embrace my heritage. It’s so good of you and your partner to have that in mind, and to watch for the subtle difference between “I hate my name” and “I hate myself”. A name can be changed, but there is no alternative to being who we are, and the only answer is self-love.
This is why I like names with nickname options! [name_f]My[/name_f] aunt changed her name (slightly, same name but a different country’s version) and all my uncles still call her by the given name. I would hope my future kids keep their names, but if they change them, especially if they’re trans, I’ll try to nail down the new one ASAP.
1 Like
This just happened to me recently.
I’ve always hated my name, and a long time ago I decided to change it. (I’m a cisgender female.) I started using my new name socially for a long time and only recently told my family.
My dad seemed okay with it but just had questions, like about why I didn’t like my name. He didn’t seem bothered and says he respects my identity.
My grandma seemed disturbed and said she would be upset if her own children rejected the names she worked hard on.
My aunt was very upset and disgusted and tried everything she could to get me to change my mind and show me how bad it is, but I wouldn’t budge.
My brother doesn’t feel any way about it and actually wants to change his own name someday.
My husband supports it and loves saying my name.
My grandma and aunt basically refuse to call me my real name.
So if this has happened to you OP, please do not be offended. It is not your fault if they do not like it, you had no way of knowing what type of names they would like when they were a baby. Besides, people will do what they want, so you can either make it easy and be supportive (or at least hide your feelings from them), or speak your mind and make it harder for yourself and the child.
2 Likes