Choosing not to breastfeed

Has anyone done so? I am aware that this is heresy in many circles (including my own local community.) But my husband and I are currently TTC #2, and we have begun discussing privately the possibility that I may choose not to breastfeed #2. Any berries have any helpful/ supportive feedback or personal experiences to share?

This was not exactly my situation, since we adopted our son. If I have given birth, I am sure I would have tried breastfeeding. Breastfeeding, including extended breastfeeding, is certainly the normal thing in our community. Mixing up bottles of formula in public did get me the side eye. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother was a Lactivist back in the 1970s and I am pretty sure that she still thinks formula is poison.

But I did read up about the benefits of breastfeeding vs formula feeding. I felt confident in feeding our son given that the most recent and thorough studies show that there is no significant long term difference between breast and formula fed babies. The mother I babysit for did opt to not attempt to breastfeed. She did try with her first baby, but decided not to try with the second. I don’t know all of the whys and wherefores of her situation, but I know that she said that breastfeeding made her miserable, and she wanted to be able to enjoy this baby. She is a nurse with a masters degree in public health, and I know that she had a solid basis for this decision.

Despite bottle feeding, my husband and I were both able to bond very closely with our son. We held him for 100% of his bottle feedings. I think it is possible to “nurse” a baby even if the baby is getting the milk from a bottle. He was always fed with love and undivided attention. He is now a very bright, happy, and affectionate two and a half year old.

I recommend the website Fearless Formula Feeders if you want to hear from women who really have opted not to breastfeed since it wasn’t completely my decision not to. Good luck in your decision and in TTC!

I’ve never breastfed any of my 5 kids. It was just something I couldnt get comfortable with. I’ve not felt embarrassed or ashamed for formula feeding, (although some of my husband’s family would like to make me feel that way), just like I wouldn’t want to make someone who breastfeeds feel that way. [name_f]My[/name_f] kids are all super healthy and always have been, and I’ve definitely always bonded with them right away, so I’m not too worried about giving my newest one formula. I think to each her own, and its definitely a personal choice that you shouldn’t let anyone push you into (either choice!)

I only breastfed #4 for about 2 months, and I have to say that while breastfeeding is great, I was MUCH happier once we started formula.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. Period.

Second the fearlessformulafeeder.com recommendation my first was bottle fed entirely. [name_f]My[/name_f] 8 month old still bfs like a champ. [name_f]My[/name_f] 2 experiences were so different. But I say ff moms deserve all the support that bf moms get. Best of luck!

I don’t want to nurse the next one. Nursed my first three with no problems at all. I just don’t want to do it again-been nursing babies three years straight (extended breastfeeding)! I’m over it. But I have no idea how to exclusively formula feed since I only used the occasional bottle with my first.

I BF for two weeks and then mixed for another ten weeks before giving up the boob altogether. BF was very painful for me (NOT a latch problem), my baby wanted to feed continiously and I had to return to part time work very quickly after birth. I am the breadwinner in the family.
[name_f]Every[/name_f] situation and experience is different - trust your instincts and do what is right for you and your family.

Thanks, ladies. Your comments are very helpful. It was so traumatic for me to let go of the idea of breastfeeding my first one. We started out so strong, and I never anticipated his rejection of the breast at four months. So many people made me feel just horrible about my “failure.” I think it’s holding me back psychologically from putting myself in that position again. I think I would rather suffer shame and criticism for a choice that I have made than for something beyond my control.
I also suffered from some physical ramifications for over a year after I quit bf’ing him. I really saw my son thrive, even on formula, so I know it’s good stuff. I enjoyed the tender moments I had bf’ing him, but I’m not sure I can handle the physical/emotional/psychological toll even for a month or two. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband also works a lot, which leaves me home with our toddler. Not looking forward to trying to juggle working part time, also working from home, breastfeeding one, and potty-training another! I think perhaps formula would help me to relax and enjoy new baby more. I’m going to be thinking a lot about this, as I got a positive pregnancy test result this morning! :slight_smile:

Congratulations!! :smiley:

@mulme944 Congratulations!

@jersey_grey
The fearless formula feeder website has a lot of good information on bottle feeding. If you have any specific questions, I think there is a way to ask them there as well.

I thought bottle feeding was fairly easy. You don’t need to warm formula for an exclusively bottle fed baby, most are fine with room temperature milk. It took us awhile, but we eventually figured out that we could fill the baby bottles with water before bed then just add the formula powder (kept handy in a formula portioner on the bedside table next to the baby bottles of water) and shake it up. This way we did not need to get out of bed or even turn the light on for middle of the night feedings (our son slept in our room in a separate crib for the first six months.) We probably had to be slightly more awake to manage this than breastfeeding, but the advantage is that formula fed babies need to be fed less often, so we were waking up less.

Congratulations!!!

You’re taking the words out of my mouth. I have been breastfeeding for four months, and EBF for two months. The first two weeks were torture, the next month or so easier, but he still nursed constantly. I spent hours in my arm chair. It did feel so special and tender, but I was also miserable much of the time. I couldn’t even take a shower without him crying for more by the time I got out. I couldn’t exercise or get a hair cut or eat a full meal. And forget taking a nap since he was a cat napper who refused to be put down anyway and was up every hour and a half at night. After I got him latched on, sometimes I would just sob and sob. I dreaded every day and every night. I didn’t feel like it was PPD because I knew the reason and the reason was breastfeeding! I tried pumping, but could only get an ounce. The best thing we ever did was introduce formula, even though it’s just been a bottle or two a day.

Since there was nothing wrong with my supply or the latch and since I didn’t have an infection or anything, I felt guilty, like I shouldn’t have supplemented with formula for the “selfish” reason that I was merely going insane. It’s so stupid. This thread has made me feel so much better. Looking back, I do feel kind of cheated out of enjoying my baby more. I know it’s hard, really hard, no matter what, but I was in a really bad place and I could have made it better for us all by letting go of the guilt.

I will probably formula feed the next baby, since we want to have another fairly soon before I’m 35. And I just can’t do all that again plus have a toddler.

So, no worries mama! Like another poster said, there is nothing wrong with formula, period. You sound like an amazing mother. Your babies will be very lucky!

I agree there’s nothing wrong with formula feeding, but as breastfeeding is definitely healthier, I would strongly weigh the pros and cons.

I only know one woman who chose not to breastfeed at all. The woman has some kind of breast tissue condition which I know makes her very self conscious of her chest, was not really ready to become a mother (felt little to no connection to her newborn, attended counseling upon becoming pregnant to come to terms with it, etc). She went back to work at 6 weeks or sooner, and didn’t want to pump, so decided learning to breastfeeding for that short time wasn’t worth it.

I think in most cases, it’s at least worth a shot. Except in cases or trauma or abuse where repeated exposure in front of a lactation consultant, doctor, or family could be difficult for the mother (or obviously medical reasons) I don’t see the harm in at least trying! You can always introduce formula in a short time.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to add, my first bf experience was traumatic and my feelings of failure triggered severe depression. I totally understand not wanting to try at all because trying and failing takes all the power out of your hands and leaves room for that crushing and traumatic sense of failure.

I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable. If you want to breast feed, then do so, if you want to formula feed than feel free to do so. Either way all women should have support! :slight_smile:

[name_f]Do[/name_f] what you want to do. I never had a good enough supply for my son. I had a lot of people really guilt me for supplementing then changing to straight formula. However I have a healthy beautiful boy and I wouldn’t change a thing. No one else gets a say in your choice. And you [name_f]DO[/name_f] have a choice. I agree that you should check out fearless formula feeder.

I just read an article in the BYU magazine about a study they did about parents who respond to their children. They said most studies about breastfeeding regarding a child’s school readiness didn’t take into account if the parents responded to their kids’ signals. You’ll have to look up the details. But they said that if a parent responds to their kid’s signals, there is not a difference in school readiness for children. I found that comforting for parents who have a hard time.

Basically, if you make an effort to bond with your child and respond to them, breastfeeding may not have as big of impact as previously thought.