Has any of the wonderful mama’s (or papa’s) here done this? I never considered having her sleep in my bed (I’ve read a little bit about it, and the rolling over and squashing her in my sleep put me off), but now that she’s here I want her next to me all the time. Not only because she’s so cute and snuggly, but with the breastfeeding, and me worrying about her breathing, this seems like the best way to do it, I get more sleep and I’m more relaxed. We had bought a moses basket and we use it for the shorter naps during the day, it’s mostly during the night she sleeps with us. And the plan is to keep her in our bed until she starts sleeping through the night, but my boyfriend is worried that transition will be difficult, and that we’ll be stuck with a family bed for the next ten years (we watched Away We Go a few days ago). So do any of you have any experiences, stories or suggestions? Is co sleeping a terrible idea?
We’ve never done co-sleeping, so I can’t offer advice there. I really just wanted to say how much I love Away We Go! So funny and heartwarming :o
This is one of those hot-button debates that pits the Attachment Parenting crowd against the mainstream. However, every single study has shown co-sleeping to dramatically heighten the risk of accidental suffocation. In some US states lawsuits have actually been brought against parents for co-sleeping with an infant who died. Again, every objective study has shown that the safest place for a young infant is in her parents’ room but with her own, safely cordoned off, sleeping space. It can be a crib, cradle, [name]Moses[/name] basket, or attached co-sleeper, but babies should have very firm mattresses, no bedding other than a fitted sheet, and definitely no pillows or large adult bodies.
A cosleeeper is the best of all worlds. She is literally within arms reach at all times, making middle of the night breastfeeding or security checks effortless, but there is no increased risk of smothering.
The counter-arguments are usually anecdotal (“I co-slept with all of my children and they survived!”) or full of faux-scientific BS about the baby being more relaxed, bonding better, synching her circadian rhythms, etc with a cosleeping parent. And mothers in particular always insist that their ‘mama’ instincts would prevent accidentally rolling over or throwing a cover/pillow on the baby. As someone who has done autopsies and routinely takes medic transport calls on SIDS babies (85% of ‘SIDS’ deaths are due to smothering, either accidental or intentional) I can assure you that’s not true.
This is the kind of thing that’s truly wonderful, snuggly and safe. It helps you sleep better, too, since there are no worries about her safety:
I co-slept with my son until he was about 2 - I was also mostly single during this time, so that made it easier to share my queen sized bed, lol. I personally love co-sleeping, especially if you are breastfeeding, it’s just way easier, [name]IMO[/name]. I know a lot of people do not approve,but I will be doing it again for sure! You can also just have her in the room with you if you are worried about rolling on top of her. My son slept in a pack-n-play when he didn’t sleep in my bed with me, I never actually bought a crib. At this point, she could definitely sleep int he moses basket overnight in your room (it won’t work once she can sit up and start getting around). Have you considered an arms-reach bassinet? It’s basically a bassinet that attaches and acts as an extension of your bed. I never got around to buying one, but my mom had one with my sister and it was really nice.
I don’t blame him for not wanting a"family bed" for 10 years, that’s not something I would be interested in, either, but I think that co-sleeping for the first few years can be very beneficial and a good experience for everyone. Did we have issues with transitioning to his own bed? Sure, but it wasn’t unbearable and it only took about a week and now he really prefers his own bed.
These are exactly what I was talking about, I think they are a really great solution for co-sleeping.
Oh, thanks you guys! I love these bassinets, they look amazing. Does anyone know which model is best? I like the look of the clear-vue and the euro mini the best. I definitely don’t want her to sleep in our bed forever, just for now when I need to get up all the time to feed her, it’s so much easier having her close. [name]Blade[/name], thanks for the helpful doctor opinions, I definitely don’t want to suffocate my baby.
Here’s a good quality paper showing the risk of death during the first month of life in healthy, term infants is NINE times higher for cosleeping babies:
I actually like the organic one I posted, but I am drawn to the simple, clean, natural wood aesthetic.
Here’s an alternative position on co-sleeping: Dr. Sears Addresses Recent Co-Sleeping Concerns | Ask Dr Sears®. Safe co-sleeping, as outlined in the above link, can actually lead to lower rates of SIDS (and numerous other benefits). Based on what I’ve read and learned over the years, unsafe co-sleeping practices are the ones that can increase the risk of infant death. For example, mothers (and/or fathers) who have impaired awareness due to alcohol use, drug/medication use etc.
On another level, the opposite of co-sleeping - having a tiny, new human being who is completely dependent on his/her “special big people” for survival sleep in a cold, wooden prison-like chamber, often far off in a separate room - is a very modern invention that can have harmful impacts on the child’s social-emotional development (especially when it comes to sleep training). It is natural for infants and young children to seek comfort, contact, and security from their parents. Without the protection of “special big people” there is no way babies would have survived in the past (think back to our evolutionary past when wild animals and other predators would have been a big threat). Seeking connection and closeness is a hard wired survival instinct in infants. In recent times, we’ve decided that it is easier/more convenient for us as adults to have children sleep in their own cribs/beds, often in their own rooms (and if they cry or protest, we just need to “train” that survival instinct out of them). I could go on…
I am a therapist. I work with children, youth, and families who struggle with attachment disruptions, relational trauma, dissociation etc. We need to be responsive to our infants/babies/children. They need to have consistent emotional attunement early in life so that they feel “seen,” understood, cherished (i.e., so they grow up feeling like they are worthwhile, capable human beings). Emotional attunement is a critical ingredient in their neurological development, especially when it comes to learning how to self-soothe, regulate emotions, develop impulse control, and empathize with others. [name]Trust[/name] your instincts. Attune to your child’s needs. Respond lovingly to him/her. It is so worth it.
I had zero intentions of co-sleeping when I was pregnant and actually thought it was silly and ‘granola’ and would be an unnecessary strain on the marriage relationship.
Ha, well that changed in a hurry when baby was born!
Mother instinct kicked in right away and I realized that newborn babies are SUPPOSED to be very close with their mamas the first few months. It all of a sudden just seemed the most natural and obvious thing in the world. It is actually quite an unfortunate thing in Western cultural to separate infants from their mothers at night. (However, the realities of life for many people in our culture simply does not support cosleeping). Anyways, my baby girl slept with me till she was 5 months then easily transitioned to her crib at 5 months old. The transition was easy, she seemed to be secure enough by then to sleep on her own and cry for me when she needed a cuddle or feed. It did not harm my marriage and did not create a needy baby/child. In fact, probably the opposite is true in the short-term and long-term…baby was just generally more secure over-all that her needs would be met.
There are lots of resources online regarding safe co-sleeping. Good luck! Enjoy your precious baby!
Wow that is a very dramatic view of a nursery. It’s a crib not an iron lung.
My husband and I are very interested in cosleeping. I’ve read of the same concerns about increased risk of SIDS/suffocation and so we want to use a cosleeper, at least until a higher crib is needed. We are both very deep sleepers and both wake up twisted in blankets … not so good for baby IN bed. My only concern, and I bring this up to my husband quite often, is that it will be the cat that suffocates the baby! I worry that he’ll just lay down on baby’s face because baby is warm and soft (I had a long haired cat that used to loooove sleeping across my neck as an eight yr old). Someone will have to be kicked out of the bedroom … baby or cat hmmmm. I am still paranoid that our cat will suffocate the baby, I’ll be showering or just looking away for 90 seconds and the cat will sits/squash/suffocate the baby. He is not aloof or bored by humans, he is very dog-like and loves everybody, and wants to lay on everybody too. I just googled it and it happened in [name]Sweden[/name] once yikes.
Anyways. Cosleepers seem really awesome (:
Cradles have existed for millennia. Cot death too.
[name]William[/name] Sears proves that simply having attained an MD is no prophylaxis against devolving into a narcissistic quack.
Everything you don’t stand behind is “quackery”? Sounds like sound scientific reasoning. Well put, doctor.
The truth is that co-sleeping can be done safely. There are risks, especially in high risk situations (e.g., deep sleepers, alcohol users etc.), but that does not mean that it will lead to death (or other negative outcomes).
Yes, that’s exactly what I said. “Everything I don’t stand behind is quackery.”
Or actually, that’s not at all what I said. Well reasoned, random Internet layperson whose feathers were ruffled because her worldview was challenged.
And you really suck at logic. I gave validated data above which showed cosleeping, full stop, no ‘special conditions,’ no people who didn’t do it right, with all potential confounding variables controlled for, leads to a whopping 900% increase in the relative risk of mortality in the first month of an infants life. The absolute risk, of course, is not 100%.
Honestly, thank you for parachuting in and providing a perfect example of the typical counter argument employed when discussing cosleeping: anecdotes and pseudoscience, coupled with the paranoia and smugness that comprises the delicious heady cocktail that is attachment parenting. “Special big people” and cribs as prisons a la Romanian orphanages… I couldn’t have written a better parody of AP it I tried.
Thanks for trying to use your position to intimidate and bully others. Does it make you feel like a powerful, important person? I am not impressed by your credentials, sorry. I don’t think someone’s degree determines the value of their thoughts. I am not uneducated, though, just so you know. My Masters degree is in psychology and counselling. It is not in medicine. It takes all kinds of people to make the world work. I also know that “empirical research” often has its flaws. It’s not perfect, nor are you. It makes me sad that you feel comfortable being so rude and condescending to others. I am not going to comment any further. It’s not worth my time and energy.
You won’t comment further because you have nothing to say. At no point have I mentioned, at all, the fact that I am in the medical field. Speaking ex officio and using credentials to bully would look something like this:
“I am a doctor. A freaking [name]DOCTOR[/name]! You ignorant peons don’t know shit about shit. You can’t even understand the basic fundamentals of the field you are purporting to comment on. [name]Just[/name] defer to authority and shut up.”
You, in fact, are the one with some kind of weird chip on your shoulder, sarcastically referring to me as ‘doctor’ and repeatedly mentioning your own training as validating your perspective. I, on the other hand, offered objective data that anyone, anywhere, can read and interpret. [name]Just[/name] a message, nothing to do with the messenger-- which is absolutely how all science, and all knowledge works.
[name]Edit[/name]: sorry, correction. I did mention being in medicine when I talked about autopsying a SIDS baby and taking transport calls to the ER for baby deaths (paramedics always have to call an MD to get official orders for their treatment plans and medications administered). I don’t think that was bullying, just an extremely poignant bunch of data points.
I missed the gem about empirical reasoning not being reliable. Waiting ten seconds to hear some blather about intuition trumping verifiable knowledge… That’s when you know you’re fully in the realm of pseudoscience and yes, quackery. I thought magical thinking was a cognitive stage children were supposed to outgrow by their school years?
Your response proves my point - you are a bully. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you parade yourself around this site as a medical expert with “the answer.” You are obviously trying to meet some need - to boost your ego, to feel superior…I loathe people like you. Stop trying to prove you know more/are better than everyone else. I have come to enjoy Nameberry over the past several months. However, I have rarely posted because some people on the site seem very strongly opinionated/judgmental etc. I can honestly say you are the reason I am leaving and not looking back. You are a terrible person.
A) yes, [name]Blade[/name], sorry, but I do feel as though you are being a bit of a bully. We all know you are a well educated individual - but that doesn’t mean that other people’s feeling and views are invalid and should not be put on the table. My fiance is a scientist, I get where you are coming from with pure fact and hard science trumping people’s feelings and intuition, but coming from someone who doesn’t think with pure logic, I can tell you that that isn’t the end all and be all of choices like this.
B) I HIGHLY doubt this discussion is helping [name]Ottilie[/name] come to a decision at all.
Thanks again, sweets! I like that one too, but it doesn’t really go in our bedroom…
[name]Kate[/name], thanks, I appreciate a different view! My Roo has a very beautiful moses basket right next to our bed, so she’s close, ad not in a prison!
[name]Dulcinea[/name], it’s so good to hear that the transition went well. The bonding with the baby is the most important right now, but I don’t want my love to feel left out either…
[name]Poppy[/name], I hear you on the cats! Mine slept in our bedroom when they were babies, but not for a long time now. [name]Baby[/name] trumps cat anyway.
Ehm, reached this little argument… I am grateful for all opinions, but I have to say I really value [name]Blade[/name]'s opinions, it’s wonderful to have a kind, generous, selfless medical person such as her here. I don’t appreciate anyone calling her a terrible person. But I do appreciate both views, and even though I’m all for alternative medicine and aura reading and horoscope reading, when it comes to my baby, I trust the doctors. Please don’t argue anymore though, or I’ll have to shut the thread down, and that will upset me a little cause I really want as many as possible to tell me their opinions and stories, but I don’t want to have started a thread that leads to bad things. Pretty please with sugar on it?
@ottilie, you got it. Thanks for your kind words.
@flick I never, ever, ever want to invalidate anyone. Invalidating implies people don’t have a right to an opinion at all, that they’re not even worthy of entering the debate. That is classic bullying, arrogance and the kind of frank insecurity that was projected on to me by madam psychologist. But validating the right to an opinion does not mean agreeing with its content.
Thanks, flick & blade (and you’re welcome)!
More opinions are very welcome, as long as everyone plays nice!