Co-Sleeping

Parentberries
1

I’m looking for opinions, advice, or your own experiences with bed-sharing.

My daughter is 4 weeks old. The first few weeks of her life, she slept well on her own. We could put her down drowsy but awake, and she’d fall asleep in her bassinet. Soon she reached a state where she needed to fall asleep being held first. She’d fall asleep pretty quickly in our arms, and we’d place her in her cradle soon after. She might stir a bit, but would fall back asleep.

Since a few days ago, she’s been difficult to put to sleep. She sleeps okay being held, but as soon as we place her down (no matter how careful we are, or how long she’s been asleep already), she will wake up, or if she stays asleep, she’ll wake up and cry 20-30 minutes later. Eventually we can get her to sleep for a few hours, but it takes [name]FOREVER[/name].

Last night, I was getting really frustrated after trying to get her to sleep for three whole hours, and I put her on my bed and laid down beside her. My plan was to wait until she was deeply asleep and then move her into her cradle (which is at the foot of my bed).

Well, I woke up 4 hours later, and she was still asleep. She slept from 12pm-5:30am like that.

I don’t really want to co-sleep. I’m not 100% against it, I’ve read a lot about the benefits and risks, but I’d prefer not to.

Now, before I solicit your advice, I want to say this:

When she’s in her cradle we’ve tried:
Swaddling
Rocking the cradle (it rocks automatically, so can continue rocking after we go to sleep)
A pacifier
White noise
Patting her and reassuring her to get her back to sleep

Co-sleeping:
I removed all blankets from the bed
I’m an extremely light sleeper
Her father doesn’t live with us, but spends the night if he has two days off in a row (rarely). He’s a much heavier sleeper than I, and I’d be a little hesitant to co-sleep with all of us.

[name]One[/name] concern is that at some point, I may need to go on medication, which makes me sleep a bit harder. I’d be uncomfortable co-sleeping in that situation. We’re also hoping to move in with her Dad at some point, and I’d prefer not to co-sleep in that situation.

Any tips on how to work on her falling asleep on her own, or at least staying asleep after being put down? Or anyone who thinks co-sleeping is a better option for us?

2

You could try a [name]Moses[/name] basket/flat-bottomed crib of some sort that you could have on the bed w/her in it. That way she’s protected, safe and close enough to hear you and be comforted.

3

I make a distinction between bedsharing (same surface) and co-sleeping (separate but adjacent surfaces). Co-sleeping is distinctly safer due to the separate firm surface, yet still allows you to touch, soothe, or even nurse your baby anytime you want without actually getting up. You can check out co-sleeper bed attachments at pretty much any big baby store that also sells cribs/bassinets, but here’s the link to the brand I’m familiar with:

4

Your situation sounds a ton like ours with our son. We never figured out a way to soothe him that was effective–at best he’d sleep for maybe 30 minutes, then wake up and raise hell until he could nurse. I would nurse him lying on my side in bed, or sometimes holding him in my arms, but then he’d fall asleep and if I tried to move him back to his co-sleeper, he’d scream his head off all over again.

So, he bed-shared with me and my husband and I just didn’t get much in the way of sleep for three or four months :frowning:

When he was almost four months, (and I know this is probably horrible in some way, but it was the only way I could get ANY sleep) we started letting him fall asleep in his swing. He’d still wake up about two or three times a night, even in the swing. When he started getting too heavy for the swing, we moved him to his crib. It took about two weeks of “sleep training” (letting him cry it out for increasing intervals of time, comforting him between intervals, etc.) before he was pretty good at actually going down at bedtime.

Still, it took until he was about one before he’d sleep as long as even six hours at a time. However, now he is like, the best toddler (he’s two years old) sleeper we know. He goes down everyday at nap time and at bedtime (often requests nap time and bed time, in fact) with absolutely no struggle, and he sleeps about 10 to 12 hours straight through the night. Our relatives are always like, totally amazed.

I don’t know what tips or insights I can really offer except to say that I was made to feel incredibly guilty about sleep training my son, and it ended up being kind of great for my family once I got myself to do it. I did lose those early months of sleep, but I feel pretty good about that too, honestly. I’ve learned that I just have to find what works best for me/us :slight_smile:

5

[name]One[/name] thing that helped us some was putting a heating pad in my son’s bed while I nursed him, then we removed it right before I put him down, so the mattress was nice and warm. Always remember to unplug the heating pad and move it beyond arm’s reach from the bed, for safety. Another thing that worked when he was a bit older (maybe just under one year?), was covering the mattress with a fleece blanket and tucking it in well. Again, this was to make the bed feel warmer. I think you can buy fleece or velour crib sheets too. Good luck! My son was a pretty bad sleeper till close to 18 months, but he sleeps really well now. This too shall pass :wink:

6

My soon wouldn’t sleep unless he was being held. So I slept on the couch with him swaddled in the little corner created by my arm and the couch back so that I couldn’t roll over on him. Hubby slept on the floor below us. It sucked for 6 months, but then he finally relented into a crib next to our bed. Next time I’m getting one of the co-sleeper pack and plays. It was rough.

7

With our last baby I had the idea to put a twin mattress on the floor next to my bed. I’d nurse him to sleep and then go to my own bed (after the first month or so we moved the bed into his own room). He slept a lot longer than when I was moving him. I like this better than using a crib and I plan on trying the same for our new baby.

8

I think this thread will be helpful to you. I have experience co-sleeping in the case of my son so feel free to message me if you’d like. Good luck! =]

9

I co sleep with my daughter. We had a co sleeper for a bit which attaches to the side of the bed. I found that during the phase you speak of it became difficult to lower her into the crib without waking her. It seemed like that was the sensation that woke her, not lifting her or transporting her.

What worked for us was making our daughter a room with a floor bed. It’s a very small room that was once an office. We put a memory foam mattress on the floor so we didn’t have to worry about bouncy springs. We covered the floor with foam padding and a big area rug. We covered the only outlet and took off the door, replacing it with a baby gate. Basically, the room itself is a crib. It works for us cause I could nurse her to sleep & sneak away without lowering her & waking her. If you have no available room like this, I figure the same thing could be done with a mattress & enclosure gates. It would end up being a crib that you or your partner could join the baby in…honestly I am surprised this doesn’t exist as a ready-to-buy product. Maybe it does, even. Either way, making your own would probably be just as simple.

10

Co sleeping and bedsharing are safe when you

  • keep pillows and blankets away from baby
  • put baby on one side, not in the middle
  • sleep on a flat surface (ie not a couch)
  • are not exhausted
  • preferably, breastfeed

Your baby should be in the same room as you for at least 6 months to reduce the risk of SIDS. Personally I think cosleeping is a great option :slight_smile: