If I did that I’d get Lodez. I actually like the sound of it!
Wow this is a tricky one. Though I have some insight and a big interest in it too. I have a double-barrelled surname, my surname first then my husbands and I really like it. I didn’t keep my name just because it was my fathers, if that were the case I’d have changed it to my husbands in a heartbeat (less said the better!) I kept it because it had been my name for nearly 30 years, it’s part of me and I like it. It doesn’t mean I love my husband any less because I added his to mine instead of changing it completely. It is instead nice to acknowledge that while I am still my own person (and NOT owned by anyone in that antiquated sense) I entered a new era of my life, and in that way my combining our 2 names represents how we have come together to create our own life and our own family. I [name]LOVE[/name] that about it. It’s a little bit of a mouthful yes, but both names are nice and sound and flow well together.
Another reason for this was that our first child already had my surname and she was of an age when changing her surname completely would be unfair to her and her sense of identity - therefore hers are now double-barrelled too, she can choose which name to go with when she’s older and understands what it really means. Our 2nd also has 2 names as will 3 due next month…
though having said that I have considered giving any boys (looking unlikely now!) [name]JUST[/name] my husbands surname, simply because it’s probably important to his family that the name gets passed down in the traditional way and girls don’t often do this with their names (unless they’re like me or even more individualist and keep just their own name!).
My husband has kept just his name, though think he considered changing his to both too.
Now for your issue I don’t think it’s unheard of to combine names to create a new one - obviously people do it, it’s just not very common. I think it’s a good alternative if you’re both happy to do that and don’t think it would take THAT much explaining to people who might ask. It gives the child something special that is just theirs.
However I suppose it also depends on the place you live in - is it going to be considered SO different that it’s weird and it could become a millstone around their neck? Ormake them a bit special - in a good way? [name]Will[/name] it upset you if you get a lot of negative reactions to it? Would you all have the new name? Which may might it easier all round, or just your child? I don’t think having the same name necessarily means you feel any less of a family - we certainly feel just as much a family and have a ‘togetherness’ which has nothing to do with our names.
Sometimes as much as I love names and discussions on names etc I think I could do with a reality check. Relatively speaking though a name is important, it doesn’t make you everything you are. It represents you to the world yes, but it doesn’t tell people everything in your story, only you can do that.
I don’t have a lot of advice on the last name front, I personally would be more likely to hyphenate than create a new last name, unless myself and my husband were also taking that new last name. Mostly I just wanted to touch on your question on page 2 about whether or not it’s a hassle to have a different last name. I’m a teacher and I always assume that the parents may have a different last name. It’s never been an issue with pickup at the end of the day or anything like that. Since there are so many more single parents and and moms keeping their maiden names I never take it for granted that the child/parent have the same last name.
Now I don’t have kids yet so I don’t know what issues may be run into at say a [name]Doctor[/name]'s office but because different last names are no longer a rare occurrence I’m sure they have their policies and it’s an “issue” that they are all used to!
Good luck with your decision!
I actually think this would be more difficult for your child, it would be impossible to explain and for forms and such. Hyphenating names are completely common and regular that by now no one would blink an eye and there are established ways that make it easy in school. [name]Martin[/name]-[name]Bentley[/name] or [name]Bentley[/name]-[name]Martin[/name] sounds like a great last name.
I’ve thought about this a lot as I kept my maiden name when I got married. I felt very strongly against changing my last name to my husband’s (as in transferring property). Plus, I don’t have my father’s last name, I have my mother’s, & I loved the idea of the maternal line of names (though my mom’s last name is my grandfather’s).
Before we got married, my husband said he was fine with us giving our children my last name, because it was so important to me. Since then he’s decided he wants his last name used, because he thinks his grandparents will be offended if we don’t use it (lame). So I’ve gone back & forth about changing my last name to his, giving our children his last name & keeping my own for myself, hyphenating, etc.
What I think I’ve finally decided on is giving our children both last names, but un-hyphenated. The way I see it (and legally) if the name is hyphenated, ala [name]Smith[/name]-[name]Jones[/name], then the legal last name is just that: [name]Smith[/name]-[name]Jones[/name]. But if my child has 2 last names, then their last name can be [name]Smith[/name] [name]Jones[/name], [name]Smith[/name], or [name]Jones[/name]. This way our children can choose to use both surnames or just one. If they choose just one, then they can move the other to the 2nd middle name position.
This leaves the decision up to them while still honoring my last name & my husbands. Now we just decide which name goes first & which goes second lol.
It doesn’t seem impossible to explain. “My parents made my last name by combining their’s.”
I’m sorry, tianaj, but you think it’s “lame” for your husband’s grandparents to want their name continued on in the family? But completely acceptable for you to want to have your last name given to your children? That seems incredibly selfish and hypocritical on your part. Back on subject I think I would much rather have a double barrel last name than one totally different than both my parents. I think that a last name doesn’t signify ownership, but gives a sense of being a part of a family. I am very aware that families with different last names can be very close, but I personally, would feel that if my parents didn’t give me the same name as either of them that they didn’t want to associate themselves with me. I’m sure that isn’t at all what you are doing or you wouldn’t be asking. [name]Just[/name] giving my perspective. I hope you can come up with something you are both happy with! Good luck!
hawkrock, I’m pretty sure tianaj meant is was lame that her husband would rather bend to his grandparents opinions than to hers, not that she was being hypocritical. Think about multiple situations before being calling people names.
Anyways, I like the idea of the two lns, I didn’t think it was possible. I still will give mine all new names, but if you wanted to keep the names it seems like the best way, other than combining or if your combination was bad.
I just think that last names mean a lot more than a lot of people think. When I was born, I was given my father’s last name, and when he passed away, I kept it. [name]Even[/name] when my mom remarried, my siblings and I kept his name as a sign of rememberance, I guess. I don’t understand why people make a last name into a sign of ownership, because it’s not that at all. It’s a sign that you are a part of a family. I’m not saying that making up a new last name would somehow cut you off from your family, but the way I grew up, it kind of has to do with respect and being a part of something. I know that if I didn’t want to change my name when I got married, or if I wanted to make up a completely new one just because I wanted to be independent and show that I don’t ‘belong to my husband’, people would see me as selfish and worried about image.
I didn’t change my name for either of those reasons, and since in my field (and my spouse’s field) it is quite common for people to keep the name they published and/or are established with, nobody I know in “real” life thinks I’m selfish or worried about my image. I also think my family has a different view on this than your’s. My father’s wife didn’t change her last name because it’s a very ancient name, and my brother’s wife didn’t change her last name because she is an actor.
First of all, I never called anyone any names. I said her statement “seems selfish and hypocritical” not that SHE is selfish or hypocritical. And even if she meant her husband changing his mind is lame, maybe she should consider that her husband respects his grandparents and their opinion, Which is a nice thing to do in my opinion. I’m not saying that he needs to side with his grandparents and forget his wife, she is more important. But I think it is nice to think about others and their feelings as well as your own.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. You’re probably right, our families just have different views. I was just pointing out how my family would probably react. Old farming families and all, they’re very particular about that kind of stuff 
I think it has to do the with the feeling that you all belong together because you share a common name? That’s kind of how I feel too though, like if I didn’t change my last name, I would feel left out because the child and the father would share the same name, but that’s just how I would feel. I know the child would still be mine, but it’s not like I have any part of me attached to it besides the giving birth part…
I am thinking about trying to beg my fiance’ for us to create a new last name one last time. I know combining is a fail, our last names don’t work at all for combination… but I think it’ll end in failure…
No need to apologize. I was just explaining how it’s not weird in my neck of the woods that I didn’t change my name.
A friend suggested we just hyphenate our future kid’s name, and then when they are a teenager, give them the option of picking one of the names, combining the names, keeping the hyphenated name, or whatever else they want to do (within reason). My spouse really likes this idea, so it’s probably what we will end up doing. Thanks to everyone for your input.
I think this is a good idea, but I think, because the child will grow up with both names, she or he might just choose to keep it. Changing your name is not a very fun process… I already am making my fiance’ do all the work for me, well whatever he can that doesn’t involve my signature… lol
That would be fine by me, but I would still give he or she the option.
Changing your name is not a very fun process… I already am making my fiance’ do all the work for me, well whatever he can that doesn’t involve my signature… lol
I imagine it’s a lot easier to do as a teenager because they don’t have many bank accounts, licenses, loans, etc.; plus, my spouse or I would be the ones doing all the leg work anyway. I looked into changing my middle name at one point, and, at least in this state, the actual process of changing a name isn’t that complicated, it was the changing my name on everything else that made me decide against it.
I still like the idea of combining our names more, but I’m willing to compromise because I don’t have strong enough arguments against this plan. I was getting a little tired of having this discussion with my spouse anyway. It’s much more fun arguing about first names. 