It is difficult to even know where to begin, and I ask that you will bear with me. My dear, beloved grandmother passed January 21 of this year. She has left a vast void in my heart. During her short illness, I began to want to name a daughter after her should we have another. I never communicated this to her, as DH and I were not in agreement. He has since said that we could use her name, [name]Ramona[/name], as a middle should our next be a girl, but I’m having doubts as to whether to use the name at all. My feelings on the matter are layered and conflicting. I would love to honor her, but she is no longer here to know. However, our other grandmothers are still with us to know that they were left out. I am quite certain that there would be hurt feelings. Using her name would mean letting go of passing on my initial K, while our first two have one of DH’s initials. Parting with that one letter is strangely difficult for me. Giving a family name to the next would also put [name]Annabel[/name] as the odd-man-out, as she has no family connections in her name. I feel like that child will have no special connection to the name. It will just be the name of a deceased relative to her. She will never know the vibrant woman who made it come alive.
Then there are my grandmother’s own feelings on the matter. While I was pregnant with [name]Annabel[/name], she and I discussed names. She told me the story of how my mother was named. My grandmother liked [name]Theresa[/name], but my grandfather wanted to use the name [name]Marie[/name] after his recently deceased sister. My grandmother said that she could not stand the thought of naming her new baby after someone who had died. That it just seemed wrong, and that isn’t what you want to think of every time you say your sweet child’s name. They compromised by combining [name]Marie[/name] and [name]Theresa[/name] and named my mother [name]Marissa[/name].
At the same time, I want the next, should there hopefully be one, to have some piece of her. There is also a level of guilt I feel in not using her name. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Magic baby dust would be fabulous, too. I want to be pregnant already! Thanks so much for wading through all this!
*And I just realized I typed a double r in the title! I hate that! It should read Conflicted Query. sigh
You can certainly honor your grandmother in a more roundabout way if you want- like using [name]Roma[/name] or [name]Mona[/name] or [name]Romilly[/name] or something- if that appeals to you. I wouldn’t let the issue of your other grandparents having hurt feelings stop you from using the name. They’re still here to meet and enjoy their great granddaughter, while your grandmother [name]Ramona[/name] never will. I think they’ll understand that.
My middle name is after my paternal grandmother, who died long before I was born (when my father was in high school.) I’ve always loved it and still do. It gives me a connection to someone I never met, someone who was obviously very important in my father’s life. I grew up with my maternal grandmother, and to my knowledge, she never cared what my name was.
There seem to be lots of reasons for you to use and not use the name, and only you can make that decision. I just wanted to share my experience with a family name in case that helps you in any way. Whatever you decide, I’m sure your daughter will be a very loved and well-named baby!
My sister’s middle name is my maternal great-grandmother’s middle name and my brother’s middle name is my paternal grandfather’s middle name. My middle name is similar to mother’s middle name. All have passed since we were named, and we all like our names and the connections to family. I dont recall my other grandparents getting jealous that my 2 other sisters do not have their middle names. And they dont mind not having family names. It was never even mentioned. Our relatives are happy with the same last name and/or similar physical and personality characteristics. I think [name]Ramona[/name] is a great name in general, but if you feel uncomfortable using it, try Grandma [name]Ramona[/name]'s middle name. [name]Even[/name] a maiden name could work as a middle name. Surnames are popular as names these days. Another idea is using the similar name [name]Romina[/name]. I think it’s even prettier than [name]Ramona[/name], yet it has connections to your grandmother.
I’m sorry about your grandma’s passing, may God bless you with lots of baby dust and a lovely solution. Or a boy
I adored my grandmother- like second mother to me. So firstly let me say I am sorry for the sadness you must be feeling.
I think, based on the conversation My grandmother said that she could not stand the thought of naming her new baby after someone who had died. That it just seemed wrong, and that isn’t what you want to think of every time you say your sweet child’s name. your grandmother would not approve of you using her name.
I would encourage you to have a ‘conversation’ with your grandmother in your mind. You know her best. What would she say? I suspect she would say “[name]Don[/name]'t use my name.”
Instead, I suggest think about things she liked, memories you shared, places she liked, flowers she liked then incorporate her memory that way. For example if she loved roses use the mn [name]Rose[/name], or if she loved purple use a name like [name]Lavendar[/name] or [name]Lilac[/name], if you always baked together mn [name]Cinnamon[/name], if she liked gardening mn using a plant name like [name]Sage[/name], if she loved [name]France[/name] mn [name]Paris[/name] or a French name?
This way your DD has a link to something that made your grandmother special rather than just a name.
@amenspanglish - My grandmother’s maiden was White, so that doesn’t really work. Her middle was [name]Sue[/name], which she did like (and was what her Dad called her.) There aren’t really any [name]Su[/name]- names that I like in the first name slot to open up the middle for a K name. I do love [name]Susannah[/name], but she named her Maltese that, and I already have an [name]Annabel[/name]. It’s really rather a shame, as I love the nn [name]Sunny[/name].
@emiliaj - That conversation is what really gets me. At this point, I honestly don’t know what she would say. When I was pregnant with [name]Annabel[/name], the name she suggested was [name]Violet[/name] to pay tribute to her mother, [name]Viola[/name]. Violets cover the front yard of the house my great grandparents built (that my grandmother lived in when they passed, and my parents live in now.) She loved gardening, birds, and everything red. She loved traveling and meeting new people. Her favorite trip was to Switzerland. She was a teacher for over 40 years. She was a talented dancer, a lover of literature and history. In her words, she was not a cookie-baking grandmother, but we had plenty of girl talk over a bowl of [name]Rocky[/name] Road. In short, she was simply amazing.
She sounds like a wonderful inspiring lady. It is very painful and difficult to say goodbye to someone you feel close to.
[name]Viola[/name] /[name]Violet[/name] seems perfect as it has a particularly meaningful direct links which evoke her memory. It was her suggestion when you had [name]Annabel[/name], it is a plant so links to gardening, [name]Viola[/name] has a literature link though [name]Shakespeare[/name]'s Twelfth [name]Night[/name], I just looked it up and there was also a ballet dancer called [name]Violette[/name] Verdy.
Other ideas:
[name]Wren[/name]
[name]Scarlett[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] (shares same first letter as her name)
Lausanne (prn Lo-zan)a picturesque city on the [name]Geneva[/name] lake in Switzerland
But seriously, [name]Violet[/name]/ [name]Viola[/name] seems perfect! Plus [name]Violet[/name] and [name]Viola[/name] are ‘ontrend’ vintage names which would compliment [name]Annabel[/name]. Either are very as a usable as first or middle names.
I agree with the above posts; your grandmother would not want to burden your daughter with her name but she would appreciate one that reminded her of those good memories!
I like the suggestions of [name]Viola[/name]/[name]Violet[/name], [name]Roma[/name], [name]Mona[/name] and [name]Romilly[/name]. Also: [name]Bianca[/name] (for white), [name]Rona[/name], [name]Susan[/name], [name]Sunny[/name] (why not?)…and what she liked: a floral name (for gardening), [name]Avis[/name]/[name]Wren[/name]/[name]Phoebe[/name], etc. (bird name), [name]Rose[/name]/[name]Ruby[/name]/[name]Scarlet[/name] (red), [name]Geneva[/name] (Switzerland), [name]Isadora[/name]/[name]Odette[/name] (after dance), perhaps the name of a character she liked?