Coping with premature birth

Parentberries
1

I gave birth via emergency c-section to my little [name_f]Una[/name_f] in late [name_u]March[/name_u], she was 7 weeks early. It was quite a traumatic birth, I fell and then had to be rushed into hospital. Which in itself was simply horrific only topped by them saying that I would have to have an emergency c-section.

Whilst my older kids are being amazing (thanks to a stern Glaswegian grandmother telling them they need to be big boys and girls) and so is my husband, I feel at loss of what to do. I am pumping breast milk for her so I feel that I have that but if not I feel like an extra part with nothing to do.

[name_f]Una[/name_f] was in high dependacy care for a few days and has just been moved down special care with the hopes of going into transitional in the following month if her progress goes well. I was given some steroids to help her lungs but they didn’t work quite aswell as one would have hoped so had to have help with her breathing for a few days. She is now breathing well on her own and she is “a right wee fighter” as my husband would say.

I feel at a loss with all the medical jargon, the doctors will say something and I just stare at them in bewilderment whilst my husband (a doctor) nods in understanding. I feel bad for my husband because then he needs to dumb down our baby’s health problems for me. She has some intestinal problems and has just fought off an infection.

I am trying to do things that will make me feel more connected to her such as knitting her a little hat, I have bought online lots of premature baby clothes and have made one of my trademark baby songs (each of my children have one). She has been deemed strong enough for me to help change nappies and hold her which does help me. But I still feel like I have no bond with her and then I start crying which makes me feel worse because here she is being so strong and I can’t be strong for her.

As much as I love my hubbies family it is hard being away from my family who all live down in [name_u]London[/name_u] whilst we live in the Scottish highlands. My mother and sister are getting time off work next week to come up and be with me which I think will be a massive help.

I have been sleeping in the hospital due to recovering from the c-section and because I need to be near her. My husband needs to tell me to leave the ward to eat and drink and tells me that I need to go to the cafe once a day for a half an hour and do something for me like read a magazine or like I usually do: go on Nameberry and announce her birth and like today ask for some help.

I don’t have any friends who have been through something like this and so I have no real guidance apart from nurses and social workers (who are a credit to their profession). So I was hoping some people might have some words of wisdom?

I am going to stop now or else I am going to end up sobbing in the middle of the cafe in the hospital.

Thank you for any help,
[name_f]Hannah[/name_f].

2

I have no experience of premature babies but I wanted to say hello, that it sounds to me as if you are doing an INCREDIBLE job of holding it together and being strong for your baby girl and older children. I hope it is not too much longer before you can bring [name_f]Una[/name_f] home and this is all behind you.

3

[name_f]Hannah[/name_f],

While I have no experience with what you are going through I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot even imagine how difficult it is to go through what you are dealing with. I’m glad that some of your family will be coming to give you support soon. Hang in there.

4

I too have no helpful experience, but I’m thinking of you and your family - hang in there! Lots of virtual hugs coming your way!

5

That must be a terrible experience. I don’t have any advice but I do want to say I am very close to two children born incredibly prematurely (one 10 weeks, one 14 weeks) and they have grown up to be lovely healthy people who are very close and bonded to their mothers and have been since they came home, if not sooner.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right! Try to remember it will get much easier over time and she won’t be in the hospital forever! It’s normal to be sad she can’t be with you right away.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask the doctors to explain medical stuff in a different way or more slowly or again. They’re busy and sometimes forget part of their job is communicating with patients and families!

6

[name_m]Said[/name_m] a quick prayer for you and your darling little.

There is 14 years btw me and my brother…
He is 13 now, but he was an emergency c-section-born 8 and 1/2 weeks early due to placental hemorrhaging. My dear mom was moving bedroom furniture when she shouldnt have( that stinker:) ).

I know my mother’s pearl of wisdom is to take good care of yourself.
To be your best for your little…you need to sleep well and eat…( she made herself sick with worry and guilt-so not to say she followed her own advice).

I know as a veteran mother, you surely know this, but an in-patient stay can be so terribly draining. The pressure you feel to be constantly present for her, and the natural selfless nature of motherhood makes being everywhere at once hard. More so for you with your other littles as well! Bless your sweet soul!

The bond will grow stronger… I’m no expert, but I really think traumatic c-sections make that progression of natural hormonal changes that come with labor and postpartum all wacky. Not to mention if you’re on pain meds.

One day you’ll have this incredible story to share with her…about how she was sooo itty-bitty, but, boy-oh-boy she had spunk. Or as your hubby said of her a “wee little fighter”, so sweet.

Take pictures of her next to your hand or something sentimental… And celebrate as you get to witness her little victories.

We have so many pics of my brother next to my father’s bible on top his neonatal incubator.

Can’t say I’ve experienced this all myself… So I hope you don’t find me hypocritical. But I witnessed my mothers journey first hand and wished I was mature enough then to force her to take care of herself.

It certainly sounds as though [name_f]Una[/name_f] has a wonderful family cheering her on and she is one super blessed baby girl. What a happy homecoming awaits her!

Wishing you the best [name_f]Hannah[/name_f]…hang in there!

7

I think what you are doing is amazing. You are doing everything you can, even when you want to do more. I sure hope you are able to do Kangaroo care soon, because holding that baby skin to skin will be beneficial for you and and her. I am quite nervous of having my second baby prematurely.

I was born at 28 weeks, and I am 26 years old. I have some life long complications because of it. The most noticeable is Asthma. As a person born premature I want you to know that it is a bit tough to deal with chronic issues but other then those things I’m healthy. I do not know what you are going through, and I will never say that.

Most of all, I want to give a virtual hug.

8

My thoughts are with you. You sound like you’re making the very best of a terrible situation. I do not have firsthand experience in this, but being there and taking care of yourself is the No. 1 priority. The healthcare professionals have your daughter in great hands.

My only suggestion is to ask and see if the hospital has a chaplain or counselor on staff to talk with. You are not the first parents to go through this, and I am sure there are folks that can help you deal with it and channel your energy/frustration/distress into positive things for you and [name_f]Una[/name_f].